After a long period of inactivity, I've decided to move my blog here:
The Hamster Speaks
Simply because Wordpress updates itself. With a click of a button. I don't need to be involved.
Yay.
I continue to be humbled by God's grace in His comfort and care shown by the people around me. Thank you to those who have continued to ask after me especially after reading this blog.
I have to be honest - at times I do wonder whether it's a better idea to just remove these posts so I don't publicise this. Depression is an oft-misunderstood disease and I do sometimes fear what others will think of me. But I feel that as a Christian, life isn't always easy, and sometimes through no fault of your own. And this is part of the Christian walk - clinging on to God and trying to pray even when you don't feel at all.
But nonetheless, thank you to those few who do read this blog and have kept yourselves quietly concerned with my condition. I am now on medication after seeing a psychiatrist at SGH. The condition is definitely improving, but it's really too early to tell. The medication usually only really helps matters 6 to 8 weeks into the course. Also, the doctor did mention it'll be at least a few months of medication.
Please pray for minimal side effects, and for me to recover. Please pray for healing for the both of us as well - depression not only affects the sufferer, but those around him or her.
Thanks again and God bless! :)
I wonder how many people know where the title came from.
I went for a jog yesterday - quite a short one, I think about 1 click at most. Even then I was quite winded by the end of it. Kept reminding myself to SLOW DOWN but my feet just went pitter patter. I stopped by the zi char store near my place to say hi to the owners since we haven't visited for a while now. They were happy to see me - but hey, we haven't shopped at their place for a while, so how much of their smiles were real? I shall be less cynical and abandon this line of thought.
Calmer since I switched away from an old brand of fish oil that my dad bought for me. I'm taking a fish oil supplement that's mercury tested from Blackmore's. Not sure if it's the lack of tooth grinding since the tooth came out, or whether it's the fish oil, but I can't decide for sure whether I'm depressed or not. Which is definitely a step up from knowing that I'm depressed because the wall in front of me is very attractive and would be more attractive with my brains dashed against it. Which in turn is a scary thought.
Christ has been my anchor - partly because He gave me my dear wife and child, and mostly because I keep reminding myself that He won't be happy if I gave in and did something stupid. And stupid is what it is - God has been very merciful and gracious, and all I can think of is how easy life would be if I just didn't have to do anything. I'm so blessed, and yet I'm greedy for more because of my depression. When I say more, I mean less - less life itself. Nothing to think about, nothing to have to handle. What holds me back are my responsibilities, the awareness that it's the depression talking, the FACT that I am blessed, the image of Christ staring at me from the cross, arms bleeding. Gross to non-Christians - but that blood bought my life. I have no right not to bow to Him and give up my little life for Him.
I think in a way that's the greatest anchor and the greatest relief. On the one hand it's with a sense of obligation to His sacrifice that I know my life is no longer mine. On the other hand it's with a sense of awe and joy knowing that He was willing to give up His life for mine. It's at once liberating and at once awe-inspiring.
I hate that despite all that, I still sin against Him by disobeying Him. This isn't related to my depression - I am aware that the depression causes some irrational thought or actions which I don't blame myself for. If I'm honest with myself, there are sins that I commit on a regular basis which are outright unfair and done despite knowing what I should be doing. I want to hate that sin and stop it but it's infinitely not easy, and I keep praying that God would help me.
On the other hand, the depression doesn't help matters. :D
Anyway, back to work. I've been feeling more focused since the tooth was out - the pain got me to focus on what I was doing that day, and for a while now the focus is sharper, better. Not so easily distracted. I still struggle to remember things, but an online to-do list helps with that.
Toodle.
The depression hit hard again last week. I was planning to go to the gym, and when simply imagining changing to prepare for exercise, I had the most morbid thoughts and I kept shuddering inside. Had to do with self harm rather than harming other people in the changing room, but it put me off enough that I ended up slinking over Vivocity and spending 20 bucks on dinner. And of course, crashing down in my mood.
But looking back on it, it was just nice to sit and watch the world go by. Maybe I need to do that just a little bit more.
So, back on meds again for a short while. Another 10 days worth.
In other news, I had my wisdom tooth out today. It was growing straight down and grinding on my lower molar. Woke me up sometimes at night. So out it goes. Made an appointment at the National Dental Center near my place. I had another tooth filled in as well (got a scare when the dentist patiently told me that it was decaying and we needed to get the decay out AND if the decay was too deep, we'd have to do a root canal. "Do you know what a root canal treatment involves?" I only knew it goes real deep, and I don't want one. Anyway as it turns out, a root canal treatment involves taking out the nerve under a tooth and replacing it with a root canal as the decay would already be too deep and affect the nerve. And I didn't need one. Thank you God.) and then had my wisdom tooth taken out. It was HUGE. I'm keeping it because I can't believe how big it is. Maybe I'll post a picture some day. :P
And now the anesthetic has totally worn off, I'm kicking myself for being so gung ho as to tell the doctor (they're all doctors - just for teeth, that's all) that I didn't need the MC after all. Stupid stupid. But work demands are high lah.
Back to work with a wince... and praying hard the depression ends.
Someone reminded me I better update my latest condition. Things are looking up - but still easily tired. At least my mood swings aren't as bad! Looks like I can actually survive this.
Please keep praying - those who already do, that is - I finished the last bout of medication and am still monitoring.
Thanks for all the concern and prayers.
I went to see the doctor again last Thursday, fully expecting to be referred to a psychiatrist. After all, nothing had really changed. He took one look at me, however, and just said "More medicine." I was a little nonplussed so I asked "Is that all?" His reply - "What else? Do you need me to double your medication?" After telling him the last dosage didn't really do much until the 4th or 5th day, he decided to double the dosage.
I'm on the 5th day now, and things are finally looking up. At least I don't get massive mood swings, and my diet seems pretty much back to normal. But there're still occasional signs of the depression peeking out, such as sudden mood drops and sudden lack of energy. Plus I woke myself up last night muttering in my sleep.
So why am I blogging this? Because a Christian's life is not entirely rosy, and I do want Mun Yew or any other child I have to know that I struggled with this in the past. No one knows how prevalent depression will be when they are old enough to work, but nonetheless, some knowledge in this area can go a long way if they ever meet any friends with depression. At least they'll know not to say "Find joy in the Lord, and all will be well" to a clinically depressed person.
Yes, that's not a good idea. It makes the clinically depressed person feel like he or she is wholly responsible for the feeling of depression. It's like telling an amputee that he or she should rejoice that he or she doesn't have a limb. Somewhat correct, but totally tactless, and very very painful.
In other news, Flickr now allows limited video uploads. I am definitely renewing my membership when it's up for renewal.
I started this blog mainly to keep my ideas about Christianity and a little bit about my life for others to see, and for myself to keep the information.
It's become a way for me to talk to others without saying anything (esp my dear wife, when words become difficult not through choice). And I pray that my son and any other children will also be able to read through this at some point and understand me better.
I type better and faster than I write anyway. Ha.
I'm better, I think. I'm not sure. Tired, tired, tired, but the moods seem more stable. If there's any change I'll go look for more help. For now, I'm content to pray and revel in the peace of the Lord. :)
I love you, my wife, for being there with me through this.
I've been put on one Deanxit a day. Since last Thursday. If things don't improve, I may have to be referred to a psych.
As of now, things are slowly picking up - it's already the 7th day. Too slow too slow......
At least things aren't so colourless anymore. And Mun Yew cut his first tooth!
Life is losing its colour again.
Yes it's its, not it's. I looked it up.
I honestly don't know if I'm depressed again, or whether I've been depressed all along. Since I don't know when. Life has lost its colour from Mondays to Fridays and I never really remember much about what happened. Life regains its colours only on the weekends and especially on Sunday morning when I see everyone in church. But it's fleeting and dulls down by 8pm.
It's not that married life isn't fun and exciting. My wife is lovely and just looking at her or snuggling up next to her makes me just feel more secure and better. But it doesn't last. It doesn't carry me for long. I feel tired. Lethargic. Life is still meaningful and rich because of Christ, and I thank God for Him and His sacrifice for holding me up now. Without the hope of Christ and His Spirit, I don't think I'd be able to type what I'm typing, or even enjoy the colour of the weekend.
Of course, my dear son brightens up the hours that pass on the weekends as well. But I see Monday coming and the darkness approaches. I can say that :) he is a real blessing. I miss him even as I type this. I miss my wife's hugs and whispers even now, at work.
But on the other hand I keep making my cynical jokes, laughing my head with my teammates about work and stupid people and stupid policies and nice music and not-so-nice music and where to eat and where not to eat and how to do this and that.
Maybe I'm depressed. But I don't want to take medication and I'm afraid of seeing the doctor's face again as I try to explain what I feel, that look of disbelief masked by his professional demeanour (I read more than what's there I guess. I over-read?) I'm tired of being tired. I can't even imagine going into the gym. I'm easily distracted and only in my world of computer games and video games do I find temporary solace - I don't feel anything outside of being immersed. It relieves my stress.
Things to do - brainstorm - here or anywhere else - about issues in my life. As of now... nothing comes to mind. Maybe it's really just chemical.
My parents are coming this weekend. Pray for God to convict them of His truth by His grace. Without Him I am really nothing, and if He is false, then I shall die. For we have made choices, and lived according to what we hoped was pleasing to Him despite all the criticism, despite everyone rejecting and rejecting and rejecting.
Smile and pray.
爱恨消失前 用手温缓我的脸
为我证明我曾真心爱过你
From 广岛之恋
It has no link to what I'm currently experiencing (lovely wife, dear son) but I...
I just shouldn't be listening to sad songs.
Now and then I look under my table at work and I feel like just hiding myself under the desk. And not responding to anyone till it's time to go home.
It just feels much better that way. Maybe even grab my keyboard and mouse and screen and hide below. Maybe I'd get disturbed less that way.
Either that or I'm already disturbed. (Geddit geddit??!)
I often wonder what our role is as Christians with regard to "protecting the planet". I mean, other than reusing plastic bags, recycling stuff, etc. I'm talking about the big stuff such as worrying about the sea levels rising, the earth cooking a la Waterworld.
Now I'm even less clear on what to do.
All parents... view this as Christians, offer your praise, and pray for the family. For God is TRULY glorified.
** Warning - I cried in the office and fought back my tears watching this. I can only begin to imagine the pain...
But yet that only made me more awed at the humble, measured response of the parents to their loss.
http://thinklings.org/posts/99-balloons
The family's blog is here:
http://mattandginny.blogspot.com/
Drop by and send them your love if you can. They're pregnant again - YIPPEE!!
I've not blogged for ages because of busy-ness but I should start again. Maybe when Yew Yew is older he can read his father's thoughts and understand him better.
Or get more confused.
So it's with a lot of sadness and anger that I post this link:
http://ernursey.blogspot.com/2008/05/things-are-never-what-they-seem.html
I read quite a few blogs written by doctors and nurses, but I've never felt as much anger and pain as I have reading this article. Pray for the girl's physical and mental and emotional recovery. And pray for the Lord's coming again.
Ray, this one's for you.
Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument about who was better on the computer. They had been going at it for days, and frankly God was tired of hearing all the bickering.
Finally fed up, God said, "THAT'S IT! I have had enough. I am going to set up a test that will run for two hours, and from those results, I will judge who does the better job."
So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away.
They moused.
They faxed.
They e-mailed.
They e-mailed with attachments.
They downloaded.
They did spreadsheets!
They wrote reports.
They created labels and cards.
They created charts and graphs.
They did some genealogy reports
They did every job known to man.
Jesus worked with heavenly efficiency and Satan was faster than hell.
Then, ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, rain poured, and, of course, the power went off.
Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the underworld.
Jesus just sighed.
Finally the electricity came back on, and each of them restarted their computers. Satan started searching frantically, screaming: "It's gone! It's all GONE! "I lost everything when the power went out!"
Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past two hours of work.
Satan observed this and became irate. "Wait!" he screamed. "That's not fair! He cheated! How come he has all his work and I don't have any?"
God just shrugged and said,
"JESUS SAVES"
Taken without permission from here.
1. I type in my NUS username and password and press enter. And am surprised that nothing happens. The problem of course, is that it's my bank web page, and the submit button needs to be pressed. Pressing enter doesn't work.
Using my NUS username and password is secondary. Of course.
2. I'm listening to my songs and I see the next song up is "When I See You Smell" by Bad English. I find nothing wrong with that.
Actually it's When I See You Smile, but my eyes told me otherwise. The scary thing is I just smiled.
I need more sleep......
He's about to go to sleep after this - but already preparing to crank...
We still love him anyway. Just wish he'd scream less... Maybe I'll get a video of that one day.
Oh that's the radio on to Gold 90 FM in the background. And stick to the end of the vid to hear him make little cute noises... :)
Another very good article that sums things up well. Christians, take heart. Your sins HAVE been forgiven, and your salvation is secure in Him. Don't look to anything else for that assurance.
30th Dec 2007
1300: Her flu is quite bad, with a congested cough and running nose. We decide not to go out even though we plan to go to the Bird Park tomorrow. She needs the rest... and it looks like we won't even be able to go tomorrow. Being cooped up at home like this is baaad for my mood though. Selfish!
1400: We prepare stuff to cook for dinner.
1800: Dinner. Three-yolk steamed egg, steamed chicken, simple soup and rice. Don't remember the soup. Remember the egg being overdone and the century egg may have been a bit off. Shrug...
1900: Blood on her pad. Panic ensues. We don't know what it is and the fear that something is wrong is palpable. She wants to wait and see. I want to call them up and scream. We decide to wait for a while.
2000: Internet reveals that this is what they call show. I calm down and decide not to call them and scream. We call them to ask anyway.
2200: I get a stomach upset. It was probably the century eggs.
2300: She gets stomach pain. It was probably the century eggs.
31st Dec 2007
0200: Her stomach still hurts and it's quite bad. She can't even get to sleep. We decide to call them to check - told to monitor and see how. On a hunch, we write down the times her stomach hurts, and the duration.
0400: I decide to catnap "just in case". The stomach pains are coming every 5 minutes, lasting a minute. It still just might be gas.
0450: I wake up and ask her how she is. She has been recording the times, and it's regularly every 5 minutes for a minute. We shrug. She goes to the washroom, and on a whim, I feel the bed. It's totally wet. *Sniff* No smell. Is this what they call the water bag bursting? I holler to her in the washroom that it's soaked and there's no smell. We call. "Come in."
0530: We catch an early cab, hospital bag and my haversack on my shoulders. We look at each other. I squeeze her hand. "It's probably a false alarm. You haven't had any Braxton-Higgs yet. At least this is a good full dress rehearsal."
0600: She's bedded down in hospital.
0630: First check - the on-call doctor gloves up and checks a little invasively. She's 4 to 5 cm dilated. We look at each other. This is the real thing.
"But he's 15 days early!!"
0700: Her gynae is informed. The on-call anesthetist drops by to talk to us about an epidural and risks. She is given a simple enema.
0800: Despite her coughing, we thank God that a good insertion of the epidural is done, before the pain really gets unbearable. The smell from the fluids coming out are pretty... overpowering. I ask for and don a mask. That helps me to not faint or vomit. Which frees me up to take photos.
0900: Her gynae visits and assures us everything is ok. Dilation still not full.
1000: Dilation is full. He still doesn't want to engage though. We will have to wait till that happens.
1100: His head finally descends! Gynae is informed. The contractions are rather close now, and she is told NOT to push. Her coughing does cause some pushing though... The nurse directs me to take a peek down there, and I can see the wisps of his hair. Lots of hair. Then I run back to the relative safety of the head of the bed. I'm squeamish about blood and related stuff. If you can't tell by now.
1130: Gynae arrives and somewhat innocuously puts on a pair of boots. Proper waterproof boots at that. White with a small cartoon design halfway out. It just seems... surreal. Push time.
1157: 10 pushes, 3 contraction cycles. He shoots out and starts to wail weakly while the nurse grabs some suction tube to suck the fluid out of his throat. The gynae had to cut her a bit to let him come out easier. The cord is clamped, I'm encouraged to take a photo of him on her belly. He's surprisingly clean. So I do. The doctor offers me the scissors to cut the cord. "Noooo thanks, I'm really fine." Laughter.
1210: He gets his first bath. Up till now, it's still so unreal. The tears keep coming when I stare at him. My heart melts when he takes my proffered finger and holds on. We're parents. For real. I blink the tears away and turn back to her and smile. "Well done love."
1300: He gets quickly wheeled to the ICU. His blood sugar level is too low and they need to feed him, stat. Poor mother won't even be able to hold on to him until later that night at 2000. She takes a bit of Milo and some fruit and promptly vomits it out over me and the bed. We should have listened to the nurse - at least she says so, tut-tutting all the while.
1400: Waiting for her ward, and I've gone over to the ICU to be introduced to the ward procedures. Tears come again - we haven't even held him yet and someone else is feeding him, taking care of him, holding him. Then again, I don't even know how to hold him. I look on helplessly.
1415: "He's really here?" We stare at each other.
1430: I go over to the ICU. His blood sugar level has stabilised but he will stay there for a day more, just in case.
1530: We get into the ward proper which we will call home for the next few days. She gets a light snack - some fruit and another Milo. This one she manages to keep down.
1800: Her first proper meal.
2000: She gets to carry him for the first time, but because of her flu she has to wear a mask. He will be feeding from the masked person for the next few days.
That was one of the most unexpected ways to celebrate New Year's Eve.
Merry Christmas everyone.
Give the gift that keeps giving this season!
Recently I've been trying to do everything by my own strength again, and count on my own energy again. I've been setting impossible standards that the Bible never really mentioned, I've been doing things to be perfect when perfection in the Bible doesn't really refer to doing every single piece of housework, but rather working out in love what my wife really wants and needs. Also includes leaving the in-laws to their own devices - I've worried enough about them now. They should be old enough to make their own decisions even if it means telling their son that God and Christ is not important right now - once your career is up and running, you can always take Him on as part of your life.
Sigh.
Sometimes I wish life was simpler - or at least had more instructions along the way.
An article referring to 1 Cor to describe what is really spiritual in the scope of the Bible and God.
An excellent article - all guys MUST read especially the married ones.
Links Links LINKS!!!
The Formation of Reformation, Part 1: Pastoral Culture
The Formation of Reformation, Part 2: Experiencing Community
This is the BEST dissection and dissertation on Calvinism I've ever seen - it's Calvinism refined for you and me. Yet at the same time, the reminder is there not to take Calvinism as more important than scripture, but just as a framework that happens to work best describing God and who we are in relation to Him and His plans for us.
I hate Studio Ghibli and Miyazaki.
Okay, that's a bit extreme. I love Studio Ghibli.
The works produced by this Japanese Anime firm have the sole distinction of making me want to cry for every single one of their works so far. No other firm holds that distinction.
Being on MC for a bout of dizziness, I popped in a SG disc today, preparing to watch another hour of bittersweet commentary on the world. I wasn't disappointed.
Kiki's delivery service follows the protaganist, Kiki, through a voyage of self discovery as she comes of age to become a witch in her own right (thirteen years old. What was I doing at thirteen?!?). She has to leave the comfort of her own home to travel to a city or town of her own choice where she will practice witchcraft for at least a year as part of the passage to becoming a fully qualified witch. She finds herself in a new town, accepted quite unconditionally by a baker's wife who sees the hardworking girl on her own terms, rather than judge or take advantage of her. As she sets up her flying delivery service, she runs into some trouble culminating in her loss of her magical skills and by extension ability to fly. A friend she ran into earlier then invites her over for a night, and helps her to understand the nature of the gift that she has as a witch - that it's no different from being an artist, and even though there may be downs, that it'll still be there. The story ends through the rescue of a boy friend of Kiki's as he hangs precariously from a stricken airship, and Kiki uses a deck broom to fly over and saves him just in the nick of time.
There're no negatives that I can bring up with regard to this film, and as I feel a little brain weak thanks to my dizziness, this film really tugged at my heartstrings. It manages to capture simply our insecurities and our dreams, how affected we are by simple things, and how others may view us so differently from the way we view ourselves. The dreams of Kiki to find a town that will accept her, her willingness to work hard for it, the insecurity when she loses her abilities all add up to a very beautiful portrait of a young girl coming to grips with her talents in the midst of a bustling city, with no friends or family.
But I still feel it's unfair that Jiji (the cat) never spoke again. I understand that Miyazaki meant Jiji to be the childish side of Kiki, and therefore would never speak again, but I just missed that cat's wit and sarcasm. But it was really nice to see his son trying to hang on to the broom during the closing credits.
No, this show has nothing to do with Christianity, or with Christ. On top of that, I'm sure some people would voice objection to the fact that this show talks about witchcraft! (View the wiki article on the Disney release) However, if you look upon the whole show as fiction (as it is - Miyazaki noted that this takes place in an alternate universe with no WW2), it's simply amazing how the dreams and hopes of a teenage girl trying to be independent are captured so well in the show. It does remind me however, that God accepted us unconditionally, and that sometimes, that's the best way to love. Also, we may have our own dreams and hopes - but in the light of the next world, sometimes it's just better to surrender those dreams, and simply dream of the day that God will be with us once again.
The Jolly Blogger has an excellent article describing total depravity and the need for God's grace to be saved.
It's been so long since I've committed thought to screen. Gosh.
So many things have happened... So many struggles, though surprisingly no tears this time. Fear, a sense of being lost in the world, exhaustion... But also joy, love and God's care always there, always somewhere nearby.
Anyhow, latest updates - I'm going to be a father in January. It's scary. But at the same time... it's exciting.
But more scary than exciting when I think about what it means to be a father.
Anyway, please pray for us to be godly parents, and for Cat to make the transition into housewifery well. She'll make an excellent mum.
Any doubts about Joel Osteen and his brand of preaching?
God bless.
If I ever need reminders that I'm a sinner...
Top 10 Things Heard by Christians
This is excellent stuff - which I pray I never will have to face.
God come soon.
I've got a lot of links nowadays and very little self content. Why bother when others are writing such wonderful articles that serve to remind us of the goodness of the Lord?
Two Points that Must Always be Remembered in Justification, Part 1
Two Points that Must Always be Remembered in Justification, Part 2
Two Points that Must Always be Remembered in Justification, Part 3
Two Points that Must Always be Remembered in Justification, Part 4
God bless.
Yet more food for thought.
What Our Stories Tell Us-- The 2007 Holiness Lectures
What our Stories Tell Us-- Part II- 2007 Holiness Lectures
God be with you!
The wonders of the internet and Bloglines.
http://mrlauterbach.typepad.com/gospeldrivenlife/2007/09/of-the-making-o.html
For the web developers out there, please remember you're still a software engineer!
http://www.ibm.com/developerworks/web/library/wa-cranky76/?ca=dgr-btw01BetterWebpages
Lots to read.
This is a really good reminder.
http://www.gnpcb.org/esv/search/?q=Romans+8%3A14-17&date=20070909
The wonders of the Internet and Bloglines.
http://gospeldrivenchurch.blogspot.com/2007/08/hard-stuff-of-real-lives.html
I really recommend this article.
A series of articles I seriously recommend.
http://promiseskept.wordpress.com/2007/08/12/3-kinds-of-legalism/
http://promiseskept.wordpress.com/2007/08/14/nike-theology/
http://promiseskept.wordpress.com/2007/08/15/if-my-daugher-were-a-pharisee/
http://promiseskept.wordpress.com/2007/08/16/part-of-it-is-joy/
http://promiseskept.wordpress.com/2007/08/16/pressing-in-to-the-cross/
Please read through them (in order preferably). We're all in danger of this - I know I am.
Another 2 articles:
http://gospeldriven.wordpress.com/2007/08/13/how-does-god-enable-believers-to-keep-his-moral-law-part-1/
http://gospeldriven.wordpress.com/2007/08/17/how-does-god-enable-believers-to-keep-his-moral-law-part-2/
Remember Christ has to be at the heart of all we do - but that means that in essence, our salvation is in His hands.
Ben Witherington Junior, a pastor I very much respect for his Biblical perspective and his grounding in God's word has posted up a little gem on his blog about hermeneutics. I recommend it to everyone who reads the Bible.
Click here:
http://benwitherington.blogspot.com/2007/08/hermeneutics-guide-for-perplexed-bible.html
Do give it a long read and think about how we read the Bible.
What with the CCC (Central Christian Church) controversy and the Mormons making their presence much more felt in Singapore (somehow it looks very expat though)...
Where do I even start?! How can the Pope in "His" wisdom, overlook:
1 Cor 3:10-11
According to the grace of God given to me, like a skilled master builder I laid a foundation, and someone else is building upon it. Let each one take care how he builds upon it. For no one can lay a foundation other than that which is laid, which is Jesus Christ.
Acts 4:11-12
This Jesus is the stone that was rejected by you, the builders, which has become the cornerstone. And there is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given among men by which we must be saved."
Eph 2:19-21
So then you are no longer strangers and aliens, but you are fellow citizens with the saints and members of the household of God, built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, Christ Jesus himself being the cornerstone, in whom the whole structure, being joined together, grows into a holy temple in the Lord.
(Now arguably, you might say that based on the last reference, anything that is not built on the "foundation" of the apostles - that is, the one church set up by the apostles - will not be part of the structure. However it seems more to be referring to the teaching of the apostles and prophets rather than the physical presence of the apostles and prophets as part of that church, coming on the heels of explaining that salvation is from God and through God, and is based in Christ alone - therefore that we all are one in Christ.
Heb 6:1-2
Therefore let us leave the elementary doctrine of Christ and go on to maturity, not laying again a foundation of repentance from dead works and of faith toward God, and of instruction about washings, the laying on of hands, the resurrection of the dead, and eternal judgment.
and of course the earlier reference to 1 Cor 3:11ff.)
Now theologically anything that takes away from the salvation of grace through Christ alone is suspect. Referring to Heb 6:1-2 we already can tell that.
Hmm. Praying to Mother Mary anyone? Or saying of Masses? Or confessionals?
Sigh. The state of our churches and of people who call on the Lord is really... sometimes it's just so daunting.
Just had another discussion on faith with some colleagues - with no real conclusion on anything at all reached (amongst the group). Someone even tried to head off the discussion because it was entering religion, that topic that is not to be discussed on pain of losing your lunch.
I almost wanted to say "In my defence" - but what is there to defend? People tend to believe nowadays that so long as religion enters the picture it should not be discussed. I don't personally believe in challenging someone's faith outright even before knowing the person well enough (one lunch isn't enough!).
Yet I witnessed challenges to a vegetarian 天道 colleague twice - and now he doesn't lunch with us anymore, demurring gently each time we ask. Now I'm not saying I wasn't involved - I didn't issue the challenges. Both times, other colleagues asked him why he was vegeterian - and then challenged his beliefs and reasonings. I listened and tried to clear up any fallacies while also raising my own questions about his faith. (Actually I even helped him to word his own beliefs about his religion because I've been there and done that)
Does that make religion something that should not be discussed?
I know I promised to post about relationships from the male perspective - but things have been really busy and more than a little crazy. I haven't forgotten what I want to put down in this blog though - it just will take more time.
In other news, God placed a bilingual bible on sale at ARPC's bookends (which I've not seen before) which we snapped up. Now I'm reading from the Gospels so that I can get the "keywords" and catch phrases that are used in Mandarin evangelism. Pray that He will grant me the gift of tounges especially in dialects.
荣耀归于神!
Recently, on more than one occasion, I've discussed relationships with some people around me. And quite a few things have popped up which I find particularly interesting - which I think I should blog about, contentious as it may become.
It's been ages since I was able to actually use my blog. Trust me - it's not for want of words to say though sometimes it's been for want of time to say it! And coupled with the less than impressive service that I got from my last host, it's been a long enough break from blogging. Let's hope that by God's grace, I can make up for lost time.
Two things that I want to make clear:
1. The reason why I even wish to blog is not necessarily for the edification of others. The main reason remains a repository of my thoughts and ideas that I can go back to and remind myself of what I used to think or what I still think. And of course it provides a nice and interesting way to see my growth (or regression, God forbid) in Christ and in the walk. As well as a testimony to the work of the Lord in my life and God willing, through my life.
Having said that, I still stand by the fact that we Christians must act as Christians all the time, in all roles as public ambassadors. If my blog manages to encourage anyone to spur them on in Christ, manages to stimulate discussion that results in clarification and edification, then praise be to God! Do I claim to be right in what I write on this blog? I dare not. But I do claim to hold on to these beliefs and claim responsibility should they be erroneous. But above all, all these beliefs should have a basis, and I need to be sure of my basis. And if that basis is right, and my understanding is correct, I need not claim to be right. Truth speaks for itself.
2. The other thing I want to clarify is not Christian ;). I am still trying to dig time out to publish a link on this page to my current hosts. They are exemplary in their customer service, and speeds are better than my old host. While I am very upset with that old host, I do not know the wisdom of detailing what happened with them (on the one hand, it may shame them into doing something, on the other hand, I don't want to create bad publicity), so I will hold off on that. However, this new host, 15 hours away from here, has proven to be quick to respond, quick to satisfy and is even cheaper than my old host. Now why should I stick to a Singaporean host if a US web host can respond within hours even though it's past midnight over there, and the SG host company can only respond... much later?
So go over to Lunarpages to take a look. If you choose to sign up, let me know so that I can gain some referral points (which I admit may translate to cash for me, but hey that means I can take you out for a meal!)
I don't like changing hosts - but it's a pleasure when the new host is very helpful and keeps getting in touch with me to let me know how things are on their side. Thank God!
More on that later - I still have a lot of maintainence work to do.
Over the past two days, I've been plagued (in a nice way) with the tunes of certain songs stuck in my head - but I couldn't remember the words. Thus as part of the purpose of this blog, I've decided to set up a repository of lyrics that have touched my heart and which I feel are songs which glorify God and Jesus Christ and the act of love that has brought about new life for us.
Another thought though - admittedly, singing such songs have a feel good factor. Naturally, the Bible doesn't tell us to do things for a feel good factor - and so singing songs that make you feel good or glorify us and our actions as opposed to glorifying God would be as the Israelites were told in Isaiah 1:11-17. An empty singing with no pleasure brought to God, as we revel in ourselves and even just our responses without glorifying the very God who brought about that response.
A good example of the wrong type of song to sing. Opens to YouTube. No offense to Arminians, but I really can't believe the words of this particular song.
But having said that, is it wrong to feel good when singing? Just when we marvel at the wonders of our just and faithful God, when singing praises of Him and to Him, we can't help but feel good and awed when our lips and hearts proclaim the wonder of His saving grace. But to sing just to feel good or to "feel" that closeness to God without actually pondering what we sing or meditating on the truth in the words that we sing would be empty and patently falsely directed - we sing for ourselves, and not for God. And so songs that we sing to "glorify God" should do just that - in the words that are sung and in the attitude.
Let us sing praises to Him!
Note: To find the song lyrics I've placed in my blog, please click on the Songs category in the sidebar menu.
Anyone looks at the links at the side of my blog? I just browsed on over to one of those sites known as Christian Apologetics Research Ministry. It's a good site run by someone who has done extensive research on Christian Apologetics, especially with respect to peoples of opposing faiths.
The internet monk also has an article on grace and grace alone.
After a day of reading such articles (when I'm too stressed to keep up the server compilation), and a lunchtime conversation with a troubled sister, another troubled brother never far from my mind, I really can't help but be amazed at the greatness of God's grace. Some of you know the extent of the struggle I had last year with regard to my job - and today I found that I was able to take lessons from that struggle to quietly remind my dear sister in Christ about our priorities and our concerns in this world. And as I am reminded about God's grace encapsulated so completely in the bloodied body of Christ today, I just can't help but marvel how He shapes us, shapes our lives, shapes our futures. That the very fact that we struggle with the Christian life, yet not doubting the truth of Christ risen again is also evidence that we are not normal - we ARE NOT NORMAL!
I shared before that during my struggle I never doubted Christ or the fact of His resurrection. But at times I did doubt whether I could continue in the walk - yet I never disputed the FACT of His life and resurrection. And today I see that evidenced in my dear sister in Christ as well - and because of my experience I was well placed to share my feelings on the matter. Yet while she wanted to give up on Christianity at one point, she never chose to disbelief His life and His work.
But take any other normal struggle we have - and look at how we choose to give up. "It's not worth it" or "It's not true". But in this case in our struggle to do what's right and live the life of an obedient child, we want to give up, but we don't. And even if we give up it's not because God's work isn't true - but rather that we couldn't carry on.
Do I make sense? This whole thing doesn't make sense - why don't we just give up?? I marvel at that very fact - that so long as we know John 3:16, we are saved. That God forgives no matter how bad we are. Why do we still struggle with the guilt that we are not sufficient? Why do we focus so much on our own rights and wrongs that we don't realise that the biggest battle of all has been won? The fact that we still struggle speaks to our sinful nature - but that we DO struggle rather than give up is a comfort for we know that God hasn't given up on us. Not by a long shot.
I'm rambling a little but it's an enormous thing for me. Let's see if I can re-filter this:
1. God saved us through Christ.
2. We didn't do anything to deserve it, so God just gave it to us.
3. God has forgiven us through Christ.
4. We still struggle instead of giving up because we KNOW what Christ has done.
To me that's simply amazing. Even IF we are obedient, it doesn't mean a thing in the light of salvation. So even if we are NOT obedient, if we understand that it is grace that saves, not works, then there is no longer judgment for our sinning and falling.
So what IF we are not obedient all the time? Doesn't the Bible speak of "show me a man of faith and I will show you a man of works?" I am coming to the belief that it doesn't affect the salvation. IF we give up the struggle and just throw ourselves into sin, we have something to worry about because the obedience that should come from faith is non-existent. But if we sin, and we cry while sinning and we struggle with the guilt of sinning, then we have the assurance that we are human, and we need God in our lives.
If we are ever right with God in all that we do - then we are probably wrong.
So if you are struggling with sin now - like I am (secret sin) - then take heart - God has forgiven and He won't let go of you to let you fall into sin just like that. If you DO fall, He has forgiven. You may still have to suffer the consequences, but the belief in Christ is all that we need to be saved.
Comments on this one will be greatly appreciated. I'm stepping on a minefield here. :) But one that gladdens my heart and strangely helps me to even more commit this fight against sin to God.
Romans 8:38-39
38For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
I wonder who actually reads this blog??
I've been under the radar for a while since starting this new job. Not that things haven't been happening but I'm adjusting to a few changes, leastwise my new job. My working hours are a lot more regular now but that means getting up before 7 to go have a quick shower (to help wake up) before falling asleep on the bus again. As compared to waking up at 9 for my old job. Yes it was a luxury but it's one I'd rather do without. At least this place provides a proper environment in which to work. It's still full of politics and taichi moves but at least it's NORMAL. I still can't believe the number of things that went wrong in the last job - and the number of lies.
While that translates to less sleep, I'm much happier for now. Content would be the best word to use. I pray that this contentment will continue as it's really precious to me. I don't HAVE to be happy. I'd buy into contentment any time.
Some things aren't going so well - I'm still struggling to regain the urge to help my wife out with the housework and I still have lapses of melancholy which are admittedly a lot less frequent now. Some things are going rather well - we've reopened our house for fellowship with some friends, and I think overall my wife is happy that things are going back to the way they used to be (except the housework but she hasn't complained). But overall it's just a time of adjustment and thanksgiving. We both signed up for a gym membership at Vivo and I have to say we're making good use of it so far - but we don't have DG for now, and Children's Church is on a holiday till the 7th. How well we keep up the exercise when things get hectic again will be the litmus test as to whether we wasted the money. At the least we're keeping 1 day per week booked for the gym.
We also need to regain date night as a principle but that's really getting tougher and tougher. But my honest opinion is that it's still necessary. We must work that out at some point.
Other than that, things are good enough. And by God's grace, we can focus on reaching out to others around us more, and continue to live our lives in a manner pleasing to Him and Him only.
And hopefully you readers, the one or two of you, shall start finding my blog interesting again (i.e. not about me my life and myself). If it was ever.
Very good article that really calls for us to be humble especially in our cut-throat environment where our first reaction is always to be justified on all things and on all levels.
Husbands take note - this is actually in some ways something that we should also exercise in our home, especially when we feel wronged by our wives. Not to say that we don't resolve issues or step away all the time, but rather what do we aim for when we get into conflicts?
For interest - last year's thoughts.
This year's CCC was quite fun - but somehow not as many memories. I was more tired when I went for it, and I think there was the element of adjusting to my new job as well, so perhaps that's why it didn't really strike home the way the experience did last year. For one thing I don't feel as eloquent about it!
But it was definitely fun, and worthwhile. I had to act as Pharoah during two of the teaching sessions, and it wasn't particularly tough. I just had to act stubborn - and that comes easily to me. But it was still encouraging to have one of the children comment "See lah! Pharoah so stubborn don't want to listen to God!" And as another teacher put it, the kids were chatting and commenting on the sides as though they were watching a Korean drama serial.
Another lovely incident was when one of the younger girls, out of the blue, said "I love you" to one of the teachers. He doesn't teach any of the classes but always helps out logistically and is always active in all that we do in his support for us. So when she went up to him to say it... she must have been bewildered by all our reactions as we started to laugh and cheer.
I'm still very tired now... Not enough sleep and not good sleep these few days. Adjusting to new job mah. Maybe after I'm less tired... more memories will come.
For now, I just thank God I was a part of it.
Read this article and decide for yourself.
Subcultural Spirituality or "I know hes a Christian because I saw it on his bumper sticker."
Every time something big happens in my life, especially large struggles, I often try to see what I can learn about the experience. And not surprisingly, some brothers and sisters have also asked...
"What have you learnt?"
Without further ado...
I am loved.
To my dear couple of sisters who SMSed me suddenly in the darkest times of my life with little words of encouragement, I thank you for your love which brought me out of my despair long enough to carry on a few more days. And I also thank you that it was your example that led me to SMS you this morning to try to encourage you in return - and triggered off thoughts of what I'm posting now.
To my dearest dearest wife of 2 years and companion of 9 years and more, I thank you for your unwavering support. I've said this in private to you before, but I can't even begin to imagine the pain you had to go through watching me struggle when I could not find the words to even begin to express my pain. You had to put up with my anger when I couldn't understand the pain, and you could only hold me when the tears fell. There's so much I could do better for you, but you never complained - even when now I'm more or less recovered. I love you too, and you are my greatest source of encouragement and a model of patient love.
To my brother who met up with me whom I trust enough to not jump to conclusions, to be gentle and sensitive in words, and yet also to scold and rebuke me when necessary, you did it again. You cleared things up for me, and knocked some sense into me. You probably will never read this blog, but I thank you from the bottom of my heart, and pray that I can continue to encourage others the same way you have in Christ.
To Pastor Chris who first helped me to identify part of my problem, and who called me despite your busy schedule... you may never know how much that meant to me when things looked so bleak and everything was literally in the shadows.
To the sister who broke my heart by trying to remind me that others have it easier than me without seeing my pain... you did it out of love. And may I love the way you do, in real concern, and in a real bid to help.
To all my brothers and sisters who prayed, who cajoled, who encouraged simply by being around, by being cheerful, by caring and by being children of God.
To my dear prayer partner who is now not in Singapore - your prayers and the meetups with you were simply priceless and so helpful. It was unfortunate you already left during the darkest two weeks - but it was more than enough to know you cared, and you prayed.
To the children's church teachers for all the laughter through the tears - you did not know I was struggling, but it was so much joy to just be there with you all.
Specifically, thank you, dear S and S, for when you knew I was down and out, you tried your best to pull me up, and encourage me. It worked. :)
To my non-Christian accounting friend :) I hope you know who you are. You may not know Christ or the reason I struggle, but you care, and that means a lot. May you one day come to understand the real reasons behind the struggle.
And to God, who held me ever close, and by dint of His word written on my heart, never gave me a chance to tell Him I reject Him as my God and Lord. Who kept us from falling even as I struggled, who gave me strength when I had none left, who gave me all you people who have loved me, who provided every material thing we needed that we might stay on our feet and who has again proven that You are a God of love, mercy, faithfulness. May the glory of your kingdom shine through our lives and may our lives be a pleasing offering to you, oh God of heaven and earth!
There are other lessons but I'll go through those another time. Sometimes, it's just enough to know. We ARE loved, whether we see it or not.
A rebuke from my sister in Christ has reminded me that I should update the few people who do drop by to see how I am.
I have found a job, and am gainfully employed. The company contacted me not long after I resigned from my job to tell me "Don't resign - we want to offer you the job, but we're having some HR problems." By the time I could remember to tell them that I already did resign, the conversation was over.
There was a bit of a hiccup and lack of information for a while, but God's grace, I am now officially employed and working at the same old stuff, but in a completely different place. By God's grace, I might just be able to work hard as a Christian should, and not have to care about the kind of influences I've had over the last few jobs.
Thanks for all your prayers, love and concern. I really appreciate it, and at times, it has been a good reminder that I am not alone once I know Christ.
The Internet Monk has a good article on immaturity in the younger generation (meaning teenagers) but I think it's just as applicable for all Christians living in a world where shallowness, a lack of complexity and easy ways out are the best ways to live life.
For some reason the link cannot be put into my blog :( so copy and paste the link below:
http://www.internetmonk.com/archive/why-are-my-peers-so-immature
"You know the way to the..."
"Yeah, YIH."
"...Yusof Ishak House... yeah, that one. OK then!"
So I trooped out of the entrance of the spanking new building (after a blunder - the entrance was on the FIRST floor, not the labelled GROUND floor) and then turned towards the general direction of my destination. I was prepared to walk by the road, but I saw that age-old yellow underside of the walkway. And the words flowed unbidden into my mind - "Follow the yellow walkway and you can go anywhere in the campus under shelter!"
So I mindlessly followed. And as I walked on, it came as a shock to me that I was in that same place. And the memories came flooding back.
I walked past the first block... and I remembered the activity... the hanging of clothes in the common area... a second shock hit me when I realised the spanking new building was built in the place of one of our bitterest rivals. You might wonder at the use of the word shock, but the memories as they came flooding back were really fresh. I can still walking through their building on the way to the hospital side and scoffing at their Rag float!
And then I came to the block where I was a member. I still remember my Orientation... the area they called "sacred ground". An area on the stage where seniors had their names carved. Where as "freshies" we weren't allowed to step on that area (we had to jump over) to show our respect. I remembered the block games. The bustle. The people.
And now it was quiet. It was lived in, yes but quiet as death and the only sign of life was a single student tucking into his books at the block bench (I can still see the blockmates gathering at the table to go for dinner together...)
And the slope where we had dug a hole with spades and shovels... it was overgrown. The B sign was still visible where one of us had lovingly placed pebbles in the shape of a B on the slope. We had mixed our own concrete with shovels, mixing powder, sand and water. And we had lined that slope, the little pond we dug at the base of it, with that concrete mixed with real sweat and blood. And we had bought our own fish, and placed them in, and the filter to keep the water fresh was placed in, and the regular cleaning of the whole setup, the regular feeding of the fish - people sometimes forgot and we'd just dump two capfuls of feed.
I still remember the fresh pain that we felt when we heard less than a year after we'd finished the project that we'd have to move to newer, more common blocks where there'd be not much common area other than the communal block. Where we'd live on segregated floors accessible by lifts rather than stairs and would prove infinitely difficult to allow for block activities. And we'd have to leave all these things behind. We'd done this with our own hands and our identity was tied up with it - and we were told, no, leave it and go.
The strange part...? My batch was about to graduate. We won't see, or be involved in the move. Yet it hurt. It hurt when we learnt that the contractors responsible for the new block had turned off the pumps by accident and all the fish died before we could donate them to other owners. It hurt that we were leaving behind a chunk of ourselves and what we felt was our identity, and other people were telling us, it's not important, get on with life!
The years after my life in hostel brought a lot of new ideas. I learnt more about Christ and about my sinful nature, and understood more of what it meant to be a rebel against God. And how much I deserve punishment and how great a price was paid that I might escape the gallows. And I understood that what I went through in hostel was just part of history - the building won't matter as much as the people, and hostel identity was so fleeting, and so empty compared to the richness of knowing God.
Yet that day, as I walked slowly past the foot of the stage and slope, I knew I won't want to walk up to see how overgrown the little lake was. And I walked on, memories flooding my mind as I walked past this snapshot of life that I'd been through.
That would one day be torn down to make way for other buildings... and eventually disappear, in the light of the eternal kingdom.
So. Resigned without a job - I should be worried about finances and the future.
I think what's really "worrying" is that I'm more happy that my mood is taking an upswing and I'm slowly but surely returning to the cheer and joy that I used to have by simply walking along a road with my wife. Or chatting with her before going to bed about inconsequential things. Or fluffing up one of the inhabitants of our bed and finding ways to make it smile happily.
I'm not that concerned about the job per se. It's restricting our livelihood and that's not a problem compared with me returning to someone I recognise. There is an underlying concern about the financial health in 3 months' time, but that seems like years away right now. My ability to joke and laugh and be of real cheer - I daresay I can revel in the joy of being a Christian again - is much more precious to me. I'm starting to make proper household decisions and while I still lapse into moroseness every now and then, I'm just thankful that I seem to be awake again. Things look clearer and brighter even, though that might have to do with the haze that's improved again yesterday.
So now I shall keep focussed on recovery and learning to be loving again, while re-remembering how to do housework (yes I have to) and somehow finding a way to tell my wife that I really appreciate her for bearing with me for the past few months. And picking up the pieces and trying to understand more about myself without dissecting the past too much.
Praying for continued recovery and at the same time, thanking God nonstop that I am arguably free of the pain. For now.
Question of the day - can you really imagine how much that means to me right now? I'm never underestimating depression and its effects again. Or using the word depressed in a cavalier manner.
Y: ho hum
H: hum ho
Y: feeling lethargic again
H: what's new
Y: i'm sorry
H: why sorry?
Y: sorry for dampening ur spirits
H: ha...
H: trust me
H: u can't dampen my spirits today
Y: why not?
Y: u tender?
H: hmm
H: should be doing it on monday
H: no I don't have another job waiting.
Y: wat?!
Y: w/o a job?
Y: again?
Y: i mean, cant hang on there?
H: thanks for that comment.
H: I mean I already feel like shit enuf... that comment just helps so much
Y: i din mean it, just out of concern
Y: i know
Y: but i dunno its tat bad
H: everyone's going to do it out of concern I'm sure
H: look
H: it's not ur fault
H: I'm just not at my best right now sorry
Y: sigh,...
Y: just worried about u
H: why?
Y: u have enuf savings to tide over?
H: I won't die lor
Y: duh!!
Y: dun mean tat
H: I'm in depression.
H: either I quit
H: or I take medication.
Y: then quit
Y: dun worry i'll support ur decision
Y: i'm sure tat's for the best for both of u :)
Y: ps ignore my comment, made out of shock, keke
H: it's hard to ignore
H: I'm gg to keep getting these comments
H: I dun go ard telling pple I'm depressed.
H: as in really medically depressed
Y: u have to be prepared
H: we have to tell her parents also
H: sigh
Y: and i understand wat u mean
Y: i was depressed in ey too
Y: so i quit and join another place which i dun like too
Y: which also changed my perception such tat i could go back ey and hang on there
Y: till i land here
H: anyway I just want to rest and recover
H: if I get another job, good... if not, I just want to be back to who I was
Y: if u need doc, i have a contact, he or she is based in clementi
Y: i nearly went to he / she last time
Y: hahaha
H: he/she??
H: ha...
Y: i forgot the sex of the doc mah
H: right.
H: not yet.
H: I dun want to take meds...
H: I took some in June.
Y: oh no....
Y: u din tell me its so serious
Y: sigh...
Y: dun u treat me as ur fren?
H: why should i tell anyone?
H: I'm just tired.
H: being a Christian helps
H: but at points when I'm no longer rational I just can't keep telling myself I'm ok I'll be ok
H: it's so much better to just surrender to God
H: if I try to keep in this job on my own strength things will get owrse
H: so got $$ no $$ just quit... and then leave it to God
H: tell pple? who can help me? listening ear? even my wife can't give me the answers
Y: i know u 2 can pull thr this crisis....
Y: it may not even be a crisis
Y: just a break for u to find urself again
Y: if anything, ps let me know...
Y: i may not be able to help
H: I cried out to God cos I felt that I was doing things right and He didn't seem to respond... only now I know I expected some things of Him which just were selfish, which were foolish...
Y: but i hope i can be at least a good listener
H: and now I'm just asking to be healed... and confidence to quit
Y: and shared ur worries with both of u
Y: not only happiness.....
H: hai...
H: it's not that...
H: I'm tired to talk
H: U know what I mean?
H: I don't want to talk
H: I don't want to share
H: I don't want to be ridiculed
H: I don't want to face my uselessness and lack of worth to others
Y: hey, i'm not ridiculing u
H: it's not you
Y: oh
H: I'm saying... I'm just tired
Y: ok....
H: if U hadn't asked I won't have told U
Y: then i'll not bring it up again, till u r ready to
Y: i just hope u'll be confident again
Y: and that things work out for u.............
H: God willing.
H: this may be a good chance to stop doing IT work
H: who knows
Y: yup
Y: it may be a blessing in disguise
Y: so chin up, k?
Y: for all u know
Y: remember, if u need me, i'll be there for both of u, ok?
Y: u 2 r very special frens to me....
H: I know... thanks...
H: sigh...
H: I don't mean to be harsh... but right now I need to get things right with God first...
Y: i'm sorry for bringing all these out, when u dun feel like sayin them to me....
H: it's a large source of pain in my life.
H: no...
H: at least now U know
H: not in the best of circumstances but at least U do know
H: oh well.
Y: i hope u can come to terms with yourself soon, and get out of depression
H: would U trust that God can take care of me irregardless?
H: my focus now is my wife
H: and how to be a good husband
H: and that doesn't mean money
H: and so I trust God to take care of me... not that He hasn't...
H: just that I chose to focus on some things...
H: anyway
H: if U trust that God will take care of me... then U dun have to worry about me.
Y: let
H: eh?
H: let?
Y: 's not go into whether or not there is god issue and whether or not i believe in him
Y: but i believe in u
H: lol...
H: I believe in Him more than myself...
Y: and that you are able to overcome obstacles
Y: in your way
H: cos I know how I've failed over and over again
Y: maybe god is the one who lead you out or maybe its yourself
Y: whatever it is, i believe you will get a better idea of wat u want in life
H: maybe.
H: I know what I want in life
H: I just don't know how I'll get there
H: trust me - don't ask what I want in life.
Y: then good lor, dun care about other pp's opinions
Y: huh?
H: :D
Y: i din ask but
Y: u make me curious
Y: hahaha
H: no worries
Y: sigh
Y: how can i not worry?
H: that's what I meant.
Y: believe in you and worry about you are not mutually exclusive, keke
H: that's why I asked if U believe that God can take care of me.
Y: well...
Y: no comments there
Y: or rather u can refer to my earlier commetns, keke
H: no comments either.
I didn't mean to echo the Revelations texts. However...
Good news and bad news.
The bad (?) news is that now I have officially submitted my resignation letter while leading up to it from a week ago. My supervisor already knew and respected my decision last week. This is the formality. I have one month's notice to serve (and the CEO isn't in yet so that's another storm in a teacup to deal with).
The good news is that I seem to be on an upswing in my mood from this decision. Praying that it will last because this is the best thing to do so I can recover from my mental drop and focus on being a loving husband and person again. For a while at least.
Our prayer is that with this resolution, God will open new doors and that I can just rest for a while and relook my entire approach to the Christian walk. I'm afraid I'm trying too hard - so much so that in areas that it's not about me, it's become about me. I'll be heading down the road of self-criticism and self-doubt if and when 3 months later, I'm still jobless and swinging my feet at home wondering what I could have done better.
But God is gracious and faithful and always has been - so I doubt it'll happen. Either I'll have a job - or He'd have sorted things in my mind to continue to glorify Him as Father and Lord.
Would like to draw attention to this blogger who has some very interesting perspectives on Christianity in general and modern evangelists in particular.
Here:
Internet Monk
Tell me what you think.
I was early for the interview so I went over to the large bridge overlooking the main throughfare in one of Singapore's three world-class institutions of higher learning. And as I leaned over the parapet, with my eyes wide open, I prayed.
Dear God... I leave the results to you... teach me to trust... the world was created by you and we all are subject to you whether we know it or not... you have always cared and provided... You gave us your Son even as we were sinners and we still sin against you... You did not destroy us and instead are so patient with us... I do not even know for sure that this job will be best for me... Do what is best O Lord, and help me to be content...
And my eyes tracked a little bird as it flitted down from nowhere to land deep inside the foliage of a large tree next to the road below. And I marvelled that it wasn't a common bird - it had a nice long curved beak and yet was as small as a sparrow. And it preened, unseen by all except for me. And I felt the privilege and honour of being witness to such a marvellous evidence of God's providence.
... Thank you for reminding me that You are in control... and always will be. In Jesus' name...
And I stood there for a while longer, watching, watching, relaxing in the stark reminder that no matter how things would go, God would care for me. (Matt 6:26) For us.
Amen.
And I went in to face the panel.
I've not been myself lately. Obviously.
But I think some of the major issues are being worked out - albeit with my mental health suffering up to this stage. Things are improving - but essentially nothing has really changed other than my mindset. And a certain possibility of a resolve - which may or may not pan out. If it pans out, it will turn up on this blog.
But moving on is important, whether or not I stay in this job, which as some of you would have noted is the reason (since some time back) for this upheaval in my life. Which has actually led to a crisis of faith at times. Good or bad? I'd rather say part and parcel. God never promised a good life, a life of peace and quiet, irregardless of your obedience.
Somewhere down the line I made the mistake of thinking that if I do what's right by God's standards, do the seemingly wise and responsible thing, then God would deliver me at the appropriate time. But I limited my view of His deliverance as well - that He would provide another job while I'm in this current one.
And obviously, I'm still in my current job and I got upset and tired waiting and hoping based on my expectations.
Why am I writing this? I'm still tired, I'm still upset, but I hope to manage my expectations better before God - that is, I expect that He will and has saved me, I expect He will take care of wife and me (eternally, and not specifically like won't fall sick and what not), I expect He will continue to teach me about Him. And all this not because I expect anything from Him because of myself, or even that He has to, but that all these come from who He is, and who He always will be. And I call these fair expectations vested in His promises to His people in the new covenant. But I cannot expect that He will work in a way approved of by me, I cannot expect that He will take me out of a situation I don't want to be in (read Job and Jonah), I cannot expect that He will make things easy simply because I obey Him. In essence, He has already warned us "not to be surprised" at suffering.
So I'm writing this to remind myself, and to hope that this will be a point where I can always come back to some years later to and look at the goodness of God over the years. That even as I suffer in these little ways, He takes care of me in much greater ways. As He always does, and as He always will.
But till the resolution comes to do what I should do, or things change yet again in between, there is no real light at the end of the tunnel. It is that hope that Christ will come again (thanks my little sister) that helps me to push on, seemingly blindly, trusting that God will be there to pick me up when the time comes. Analogy - thick mud, walking through, no end in sight, every step you sink knee deep and more, and every step you have to pull out your foot just to plant it down again for the next step. And you continue because you know that even if you stop, nothing will be solved, and if you continue...
Freedom awaits.
"... And I've been struggling to look for another job. It's not been easy."
"Come on, hamster... Your job is a paradise compared to hers."
"Huh? How come you say that?"
"She teaches autistic kids!"
"What? What? I heard my name!"
"I was telling hamster that his job is a paradise compared to yours! You teach autistic kids! Imagine having to face them every day five days a week?!"
Strained smiles all around. "It's different lah!"
...
I smiled outwardly, but who heard my heart break?
Why does obedience have to be so tough?
Can I just heck it? Can I just try to please man? It's so hard keeping to my promise... so hard not to be affected... so hard to do "what's right"... my father's words keep ringing in my head... "Hamster! You're too straight! You do things only one way... If there's a sign saying don't do this, you won't!"... But isn't a promise that? Isn't faith in a faithful, trustworthy, good, powerful God only about one thing? Isn't lying wrong? Isn't breaking a promise wrong? Isn't faith also about admitting our weakness and inability?
THEN WHY DOES IT HURT SO DAMNABLY MUCH???? WHY IS IT SO EASY TO DO OTHERWISE!!!! WHY DO I HAVE HAVE HAVE TO CONTINUE!!!!
I think one lesson that I've learnt through this little long struggle about trusting God to provide at the right time is this - explaining the struggle can end up being the highest source of stress. (I put down Christians at first, but on reflection, that's patently untrue since some non-Christians are worse - just as some are better)
Why so? When people ask what's going on, and I try to explain (over and over again) and all I get are tips on what I should or shouldn't do - BEFORE THEY KNOW THE WHOLE SITUATION. Or worse still, the ones who say "I don't think what you're facing is a problem." because they think they know better or because they simply want to weigh in to remind me that "there're greater problems out there." For crying out loud, if I could think like that, do you HONESTLY think I don't have my answer to the situation from the Bible already?! And what's more gotten my emotions under control instead of tightly replying "Other than work, everything's ok." to your well-meant "how's life?" And so I find myself defending myself because someone wants me to admit that there's something I'm not doing, or something I'm not doing well enough. Despite being so tired from having to face the crap that I do when I enter this farcical place they call an office. There's nothing to defend. Say what you want. At least I know that if I need help, I won't be asking you.
"So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets." How then does that translate to my approach to handling people with issues? I simply ask rather than tell. "Do you think..." "Have you considered..." "What happened here and here..." "Maybe I'm assuming but..." Give the person in the painful situation the benefit of the doubt. Ask till the final details have come bare before making any kind of discerning judgement. Assume nothing or state your assumptions and verify them. Don't act smart. Sometimes people don't come to you for a solution. They come to you for an ear or support.
I'm so tired of explaining and sharing. I just want to keep quiet and only talk to those who really already know the situation. Just a note - if YOU happen to think or wonder why I'm making a mountain out of a molehill when people in the Middle East are having a battle royale, consider this - ALL my colleagues are suffering the same issues as I am, and all of us don't question our reasons for being upset, angry or disillusioned any more. It's not a justification. It's just a point to note that there MIGHT be some truth you don't know about behind my wanting to look for a job. A godly truth that doesn't need YOU to come along and verify.
Just keep quiet and listen, why don't you, if you have only words of discouragement or rebuke to give. When I don't even have enough leftover at the end of every day to deal with my wife.
God please grant me the wisdom when to share about issues that I go through, and when to keep my mouth shut to avoid tempting someone else to lambast me. God please also forgive me for my hurt, my anger, my fear. And thank you Lord for all the loving brothers and sisters who have helped me to continue to forge ahead, painful as this is. Thank you Lord especially for my understanding, supportive and loving wife. Please teach us all how to live in obedience to you, encouraging one another in your word, rather than tearing each other down.
In Jesus' most holy and precious name I pray.
I'm suffering from the letdown after an adrenaline boost - I'm sure some of you know what I mean. Yesterday I had to teach the children what Cat and I both agreed was one of the more difficult lessons - and at about 9, I realised I had no energy at all. That's one of the worst things to realise when you're about to teach a bunch of K2s. Energy filled themselves, they're easily distracted, restless being the biggest curse of any Sunday school pre-school teacher, and you need your own energy levels to be up there in order to keep in step with them. Make them your friends, make them think you're their friend, keep them interested in what you have to say and half the battle's won.
So I started out the day early (always early for Sunday school), trying to keep the kids entertained before singspiration, and realising that I wasn't up to even some blind chatter with some kids over what they did over the last weekend. Went out for a quick breather and prayed for energy. Plowed back into it, got winded by a particularly energetic kid (I finally had to grab him and bear hug him into sitting quietly in my lap - after carrying him around, chasing him around, cornering him in a section of the class, inadvertently disturbing the music leader who being experienced, tried to talk him into joining her but left him up to me when he was distracted to carry him off. And all the time the energy was not there. I was panting quite hard by the time I managed to wrestle the child (a wriggling K1 is no joke) into some form of submission (meaning he finally was able to listen to me).
So thank God that we managed to pull the lesson off. As always when things happen this way, I can only marvel at how He works - I'm quite sure left to my own devices things won't have gone half as well with my energy level and recovering from a flu. So the children weren't too restless and the lesson seems to have gone well. Good enough for me at this stage. May God work in their individual lives in His own time.
I won't deny that I've been going through some difficult times - which I find it hard to really talk about. Not because it's private but mainly because I'm tired of talking about it. Even finding words to describe the situation isn't my favourite activity right now. All I know is that I'm slowly learning to trust God and that my biggest issue was being complacent about my own trust - thinking that I really did trust, right up till all the props were knocked out, or were threatened to be knocked out.
Through these times I can only thank God that I never fell away, always hoping He'd take me out of these times. And that He gave me a lovely supportive wife to care for me, and loving brothers and sisters (especially our little sister and my prayer partner brother) who continue to pray for us, ask after us and remind us of His goodness with each passing day.
Things still arent easy to bear, but one day at a time. "For tomorrow will have worries enough of its own".
Oh. On another note of thanksgiving, in the midst of a fever during my break in Malaysia to spend time with my parents, I was able to tell my mother about the very nature of Christianity and Christ. And being feverish, I left the eloquence to God and spoke whatever the Spirit led me to say. No embellishments, just facts about our God and Lord, Yahweh, and Jesus Christ our Lord and Saviour. Now it's to pray that the word will take root and that God will continue to work in the lives of my parents to draw them closer to Him with a view to salvation - if it's His will for them.
Praise God!
You wake up and everything seems dark, you refuse to crawl out of bed, you want to just cower and wish it all away.
You walk around with someone you love, you just keep walking, nothing catches your interest, you can't even find the energy to laugh. And at the end of the long walk, all you feel like doing is sleeping, not even wanting to talk, not even wanting to pray.
You crawl out of bed wishing you didn't have to go in today, please not today, please not tomorrow, please not ever. Why can't it end here?
You want to evade your duties and responsibilities because it's all just too much for now. Too many pressures, worries, fears and misplaced hopes. Too much trust in man, too much trust in self, now all laid bare, all placed before you, staring you in the face. What can you do? Paralysed by self-induced fear, shaken by uncontrolled events, you can only stare back and hold back the tears of despair.
Then He takes you by the hand and firmly reminds you who is in charge. He surrounds you with people who love and who ask and who cherish you with every moment. He rebukes you through His Word and through His servants, reminding you that you are NOT Him, and you can only obey and do your best. And you should leave the rest to Him who will take care of you till you stand before Him face to face.
But guilt continues to hang around each corner - guilt at having fallen, guilt at not being a good child, guilt at not being a good husband, guilt at being sensitive about things, guilt at not being able to handle the situation, guilt at ... being guilty.
While recovery takes some time... it will come. He is still in control, He will still watch over you, He will still take care of you. He has always provided, He has always given more than you ever will need, He will not test you beyond your means. You know that, but do you believe that?
Let God be God.
If there's any reason why you shouldn't host your own blog, it's because of these guys called spammers. They're irritating me like crazy, and I'm working every few days to reactively ban certain keywords and/or sites so that I don't get rubbish popping up on this site. Why can't they just leave me alone? My traffic isn't high in the first place.
If anything, life isn't easy. Life as a Christian is doubly hard - or easier, depending on how you look at it. We've been doing Psalms for our bible study and our sermons this few weeks, and it's a good reminder that God is a faithful God who cares and who loves even though He is an all-powerful God who deserves our praise and our adoration. Even as we rebel against Him, He has continued to forgive those who trust in Him, and those who know His nature as being slow to anger and quick to forgive. Now that He has given us His son, even more so we should praise Him and thank Him!
But as Christians we're called to obey His commands in an increasingly rebellious world. And we ourselves, not being perfect yet, continue to rebel against Him as well. Sometimes in small ways when we think evil thoughts, some times in big ways when we openly rebel in frustration at the way we think we have been left to deal with the issues of this world. (And a variety of variations in between) Yet we forget that WE are the ones who are self centered when we complain about God, forgetting our place in this world, asking God to revolve around us. We forget His goodness in the very creation that has resulted in the world that we live in. We forget that He is our God, our Lord, and our Saviour. We forget His forgiveness and we forget His goodness.
As we let the problems of this world engulf us... Pray that we don't forget and lose ourselves in the storm.
Here's an excellent article highlighting the non-doctrinal nature of male headship in the church, and yet the importance of deciding or handling the need for such a headship as espoused by the Bible.
Let me just, uh, put down in writing some stuff that's behind my idea or ideals of working full time in ministry.
A friend, when I mentioned ministry work before, asked me point-blank, "What do you think about the value of work in a secular environment? Do you think we can honour God in what we do in secular work?" Upon further questioning, I realised that the real question she was asking could be rephrased as "Is ministry work the only way to have any value in a Christian environment? Must we serve the church full time in order to have some Christian value?"
I hope I replied to her satisfaction that time. Nonetheless, for my own reassurance plus for me to reflect at some point later in my life, I shall store up my thoughts here.
The Bible, God's word in this world and the authority by which we should live our lives, states clearly in Rom 12, Eph 4 and even 1 Peter 4 that various gifts are given to different members of the church such that they can then serve the kingdom and the people of God to love one another and encourage one another (gleaned from the passages above.) The apostle Paul also says that we should desire the "higher gifts" in 1 Cor 12: 29 - 31. From that passage, we see apostleship (which has stopped with the apostles who are witnesses to Christ directly), prophets, teachers, miracle-workers... so on and so forth as the "higher gifts".
Having said this however, Paul goes on to describe in 1 Cor 13 the "still more excellent way" referred to in 1 Cor 12:31, that being love. He goes on to describe what love is - and very well too - and then in 1 Cor 14, he further elaborates on the issue of gifts.
And then we have the teachings of Paul in Rom 12:1, Heb 13 and even 1 Peter 2 speaking of sacrifices - how we should use our lives to do good and to be generous and content even through our life sacrifice - that is, how we live our lives.
What can we glean from all this? Simply this - that being in full time Christian work doesn't mean that you are more holy or more fulfilled or more special. Why so? Because being called to be the children of God through Christ our saviour, what we ARE called to do in totality is to live a life in obedience to God. Why so? In response to the saving grace of God in Christ, as Paul very succintly summarises in Eph 4. Rev. John Ting in his sermon last week put it well when he pointed out that being Christians, we are called to live the Christian life in all our roles - whether as workers, employers, parents, friends, children. It doesn't mean therefore that any role we take up should make us any more holy or otherwise! Thus, wherever we are, whatever we do, we ARE Christians, and we should live our lives accordingly. Taken in my own context, as a husband, I should reflect this truth, as a friend, I should reflect this truth, as a worker in a secular job, I should reflect this truth.
Why should we then do full time ministry work? Doesn't make sense since it's not "more holy" right? The answer is also found in the Bible. The Bible is full of examples whereby the teaching of God's word is the way whereby people turn to God (offhand I remember Psalm 51 which we just read yesterday) and Paul's exhortation to Timothy about teaching in 1 and 2 Tim as well as to Titus in the epistle Titus. Also, bringing in the issue of spiritual gifts - just as each and every one of us are given different gifts for the building up and encouragement of the people of God (and for the edification of non-believers), some are given the "higher gifts" of teaching and prophesy. So there comes a little of a tension - while desiring the higher gifts, we yet should be content with the situation that we are in. This means, therefore, that Paul thinks that being able to teach is one of the higher gifts right after prophecy - which also is about pointing people to God. Yet while we desire the gift, we don't obsess over it, or try to achieve that gift by whatever means possible. The value of teaching then is that as we teach, we can turn people's lives back to God.
This however raises 2 questions - firstly, how do we identify those gifts, and secondly, what IS the link between this discussion (to this point) and full time ministry?
The answer to the first is one that I myself can't answer offhand. But clues in the Bible point to it - that the gifts are recognised by people who are senior in that field (such as elders who then look for teachers) and the very fact that Paul tells Timothy what to look out for in a teacher, elder, deacon - implying therefore that the pastor, being senior, may be well placed to identify these gifts. Speak to mature Christians around you with regard to these gifts, and it might be a good clue. Prayer would be vital - as when we desire the higher gifts, we also understand that such gifts do not come from ourselves, but from God. And so if we want to know what gifts we have, pray to God for revelation. You may be surprised at how He reveals that to you! (someone compliments your bathroom voice maybe?)
In reply to the second question, full time ministry can sometimes be mistaken to only be pastoral teaching ministry - though that is indeed a common case. This is not necessarily the case - full time music ministry doesn't necessarily mean pastoral work. However, whichever full time ministry we join, the fact remains that we will be seen as necessarily teaching God's word, and God's word should remain at the center of our ministry - that and the love for the people we minister to - or serve. Thus, by understanding the Bible's stand on teaching God's word, we can then see the value of full time ministry, or devoting our lives full time to spreading or teaching God's word. However, it then remains true that firstly, teachers are called to the ministry (ref Timothy and also how Paul instructs Timothy to look for teachers), and secondly, not everyone has this gift. Some people will therefore be given the gift to teach God's word by the grace of God and God alone. Some people will be given the gift to write songs and lyrics to encourage others in the word of God. And so on.
What IS a gift? I personally don't know how to draw this from the Bible since the very definition of gift is not given. From context, we can gather that there is some level of skill - 1 Tim notes that overseers should have the "ability to teach". My personal belief at this point is that the desire to teach (cannot substantiate yet) is also important. Thus, if the desire is part of it, then I would say that the gift includes the desire and the skill (or part thereof). Certain skills can be taught such as public speaking and counselling, but nonetheless, there should be a general skill or an acceptance that a skill is there. Love for people cannot be overemphasized as well - all these skills and gifts are nothing without a real love for the people you are meant to serve.
So at this point, let's summarise quickly. It's ok to work anywhere and do anything - we should honour God wherever we are. Yet it is also a good thing to desire to teach God's word or be involved in the teaching of God's word. We should not despise those who work in secular jobs just as we should not necessarily idolise too much those who work in full time ministry. However, if we are placed with the gift of teaching God's word and we have the desire to serve full time, then we should pray to God to open the doors that we can do so - if that is His will for us. Even if we do not get that, we should still be content doing what we do in our jobs.
This extends to even a Christian NGO where the teaching of God's word is not the focus - for then we can ask what is the point of Christian work where God's word is not the focus? (mission work is also the work to spread God's word!) In that essence, it might be necessary to remove the veneer of the Christian mindset, and rather look at it as another secular job but one that is run with Christian principles (but again, without an emphasis on Christ, what IS a Christian principle?!) For me (arguably me only) Christian full time ministry is irrevocably tied up with God's word in any form. The value then lies in that God's word is being taught with the clear understanding that it doesn't make you any holier - just probably very privileged.
My personal experience is reaching a stage where I find no value in what I do at all - just to serve others and slog on - while I find joy and value in trying to bring across what I can understand of God's word. Which is a reason why my peers cannot understand why I do not further my studies computer languages wise! Gifts wise I have not been able to talk to anyone (have not asked) whether they think I have this gift. All I can say is I pray that God will open the doors when the time is right ;). For now, there are two concepts of Christian full time ministry that are unfortunately true - firstly that even though Christian workers are not necessarily more holy, they are seen as even larger representatives, and are often seen as being truly holy. Thus, when Christian workers, being human, do fall, the scrutiny is very very strong and can be very discouraging especially from disappointed viewers. This in turn implies that Christian workers are called upon to watch themselves even more. I like Rev Andrew Ong's example of the cook who didn't wash his hands after using the washroom - no matter the flavour of the food, the knowledge of toilet hands can put people off the food. Thus, the challenge is to continue to try to throw off and pray to throw off the secret sins I have such as pornography and my temper. (Note that biblically, Christian leaders DO have higher standards to meet and it should be so. It's just that the danger of that is that the first you know you've fallen is when someone turns away from God because of your actions) The second concept that I need to handle is that the Christian world and ministry may be the greatest source of disappointment and persecution - even as the secular world may seem to be aimless and pointless at this current stage in life.
I almost never do this, but I just want to list them down...
I want to get Dark Cloud 2 and Dragon Quest 8 for the PS2. YUMMY!!!
I'll probably never afford the time or money, but hey... it's worth a dream...
It's too early in the morning! And I'm sitting in office, waiting for a colleague to come so we can do some "improvement" works to the office.
No complaints there. It's just too early!
Anyway, taking this rare chance to blog a little. To a large extent, this blog still has not lost its main purpose - to share my personal walk (coupled very strongly with my wife's walk) with God and my personal thoughts and ideas on the faith itself. If ever someone sees me whine, please keep me accountable - this blog is NOT for that purpose.
A lot has happened the past weekend - Ministry Matters, followed by a trip to the zoo with my beloved wife. We love animals so the zoo was a good idea.
My hope - prayerfully - is that I can transcribe notes for this year's MM and put them up for my own reference. Hopefully this will be of use to others as well. Again, the accuracy is subject to my interpretation, and any mistakes are my own, not the speaker's.
Pray for me on that! :P
1 Pe 1:1 "Peter, an apostle of Jesus Christ, to the strangers scattered throughout Pontus, Galatia, Cappadocia, Asia, and Bithynia"
1 Pe 2:11 "Beloved, I urge you as sojourners and exiles..."
Heb 11:13 "These all died in faith, not having received the things promised, but having seen them and greeted them from afar, and having acknowledged that they were strangers and exiles on the earth."
I am a permanent resident in this land - and before that, I was a citizen from up north residing here. Much as the local citizens deplore the perceived over-well treatment of foreigners, I can attest that to some extent, I never really feel at home. Just when I really feel comfortable, something pops up to remind me that hey, you're a visitor - not really a citizen.
As Christians in this world, we continue to see hints of this - that the world itself will continue to reject us and that we should continue to live as exiles. As such, we will be seen as different, and the standards of the world will continue to confuse us. Satan will continue to lure us with false messages (bigger car! nicer clothes! luxurious houses!) and continue to try to convince us that we are second class citizens after all.
But the Bible tells us that we may be second class citizens now - but we will be the first class citizens when heaven comes again. Thank God for His saving grace!
Been really busy these past few weeks what with a critical exhibition on the horizon for the company (last Wed to Fri) and then helping out with a friend's wedding Saturday past. The past few weeks were spent rushing things out for the exhibition, and this last week has been extra... well, fun and stressful and tiring. Went out on a boat on Wednesday and Thursday (a little wooden boat no bigger than a container) and it was quite a ride of a lifetime. Spent a lot of time just watching the sea and resting my mind - it helped that I was very sleepy and physically, the boat was rolling quite often which meant physical exertion if I stood up. So I just watched the sea, tanned my arms... and then when I got home it was to prepare for the wedding on Saturday. Friday was at the Expo itself. Not as fun, but the food was better.
The wedding was a nice one... Very evangelistic in nature. Managed to hear Hwee sing two songs and heard Boon Yong preach on Revelation and the new heaven and new earth. Always good to be reminded to look up and look forward! The wedding went off without any major hitches. Wife and me and friend toodled off home to a blessedly restful night. After warm showers and a quick dinner, our friend hit our sofa and was out like a light. We took a little longer than that, but it was nice to catch up after a particularly gruelling week.
Many many thoughts have run through my head that I haven't penned down or typed down. It's amazing how God works non-stop... and how difficult it is to stay on the straight and narrow (path). Quite tired sometimes, but even then, have to stay fixed on the future that is ahead. A lot of things have happened where I have fallen - I have lost my temper, I have gossiped, I have done things that I should not have done. Nonetheless, I remain His child and I am so thankful for that!
In the end, the salvation comes through Christ to the undeserving. And in that love, mercy, grace in forgiveness, we should all learn to also forgive and love - just as He first loved us when we were still His enemies. For without His love, we would not know Him.
(P.S. Trackbacks have been removed due to spam. Must forgive spammers too. Sigh)
Wife and I had a retreat over the last weekend, just the two of us. To celebrate some anniversary in our lives, plus also to take stock of last year.
As it turned out, we spent more time getting to know each other better. But that's important and precious too!
We did manage to review a list of firsts that happened in 2005. Here they
are in no particular order:
What's most important to realise is not how much has happened in the span of a year, but rather that God by His grace has sustained us through so much over the space of a year. In the short span of this time, we look in amazement upon how we, 2 of us who aren't really capable of much in our own knowledge, could by His grace come through with a surprising level of growth and increased understanding of His word. By His grace, opportunities to speak to others of His love in encouragement - especially brothers and sisters in Christ - have increased. By that same grace, we have weathered through what have been some of the greatest challenges in our lives. Indeed God is a God who "will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it." (1 Cor 10:13)
Sometimes, things happen, and you can only watch from the sidelines and share in the pain, helplessly feeling the helplessness of the drowning person, trying to think of how else you can help by shoring things up by throwing more lifelines. But when you're simply out of real lifelines, all you can do is to crumple to your knees and pray, and cry out in the real pain that you feel as you watch the person struggle to stay afloat.
That doesn't sublimate the even more real and horrific pain that the drowning person is going through - in fact, you can only start imagining the kind of pain that he or she is experiencing, flailing at whatever comes their way, still trusting in God to deliver, still praying and hoping even in the midst of the storm. And you can only pray hard too, that deliverance will come. It has to come!!
And you can only pray.
Just a quick link to a cozy little coffeehouse in Singapore. Their owners are good - they've set up a blog with which they can reach out to their customers who can then give them the feedback they need! They have a bunch of board games that you can play, plus they're located centrally off Boat Quay so give it a try if you're really that free. Plus drink their coffee. I'm officially not touching the brew anymore, but that doesn't mean you can't.
After working out some kinks in our spiritual life, things seem to be moving onwards and upwards finally. Seem to be - helped by the teaching session for the children in church on Saturday. We started our session late because singspiration for the kiddies ended late (for once), and we had a lot planned. It was a combined class meaning that I was surrounded by old and new faces, but by the grace of God we have a bunch of very enthusiastic K1s and the rowdy K2s who know me and my wife. So lesson turned out ok. We had a long run-up to this session so it was quite edifying to have the children respond when we wanted them to respond. The beard helped.
Ha! I will not answer queries about any beards. Or facial hair.
What really encouraged me was when we ran overtime. Parents were outside the door waiting at 630, and the kids were finally settling down to do some craft. As the craft could not be brought home, I was quite antsy about releasing them. Grabbing a lull in the storm (wife and the other teacher were teaching children how to write and cut), I popped my head out into the midst of the anxious parents.
"We're so sorry, we started late, so we'll be a bit late."
A chorus of "No, don't worry, just take your time." coupled with a few "Thank you"s.
I was quite taken aback. What happened to the anxious parents who were so eager to pluck their children out "because we have to go somewhere?" I thanked the patient parents with a big grin and went back into class.
We finished at 7. That's half an hour of waiting. And the parents continued to support us - "Thanks for being so dedicated." "It's ok!" Marie came up to me. "It was a success! The children were asking Why is uncle hamster wearing a beard?" I turned to my wife - "It was a failure! They didn't remember John the Baptist!"
That aside, the love of the parents really made my day and gave me some much needed emotional boost. It helped that just a day before, wife and I had a long talk about ourselves. We might plan to go on a little retreat to just plan things and talk, but that's really dependent on our budget. Our favourite getaway costs quite a bit (in Singapore) but it might be worth it. Following that we had another talk with a brother and sister who drove us home and shared with us some ideas and thoughts. We missed church on Sunday so we need to find time to listen to the sermon, but I think we'll be ok.
Yep. Things are looking up. Thank God that we are praying together again, that my mood seems to be more stable, that my doubts have been quietened. Not answered but at least I still trust. We were reminded by our siblings who visited us that we haven't been praying enough, asking enough, approaching every problem or issue by prayer. That's something we have to look at - including praying about whether or not to book the getaway.
Appreciate all the concern and love some of you have shown through this period of time. Just hope things will continue to move on, and that more light will be shed upon our plans for the next few years, especially in relation to full-time paid ministry and our family planning. As God wills!
Right now, somehow I can type my thoughts more than speak them out. I don't know why - no impetus, no hooks to get my thoughts out in words. When they eventually do come out, I think I shall drown whomsoever is so unlucky as to have found the trigger.
Lots of ideas, very little speech. I'm just getting through day by day - not unhappily, but unsettled strangely. Pray for clarity of thought some time soon...
[Note: I started this post a lot earlier and am finishing it up now]
Did you know that when translated into Hokkien, the red packets that we're so used to during Chinese New Year can also be read as red buns? I shall now go and hunt for some buns and some dye, having been cheaply let off the hook when visitors now turn up at our place. :D
Cheapo hamster.
I've not been blogging for ages... Been really busy with work and being a Christian. Did you read that right?
I don't know... sometimes it's such a great effort. At times I wonder WHY I can't do this, why I can't do that... be a little less responsible, a little more selfish. But I remind myself how Christ died, I remind myself for what He died. And I breathe a little easier, knowing that this IS the path to take.
It's just sooo hard at times. I want this, I want that. I am one of the lucky ones with a wife who is a constant reminder of what is wrong with me wanting this or that. But it's not easy. It's just not.
I stay encouraged by my dear brothers and sisters in Christ around me. Some of them think that they are being ministered to, but they fail to see the truth of Christ quietly shining through their lives. I've seen tears and laughter over the tough walk we are subject to, and yet somehow, somewhere, God gives us strength and that burst of clarity that we wake up from our circumstances and see God working in our lives. It encourages me a lot.
Yet sometimes I don't see it in myself... Sometimes I just drag my feet. Particularly in the area of full time ministry, I find myself hardest hit. I want to serve full time, and yet I know very well that I am in no way capable. I don't see any opportunities, and in trying to do what's right before God, I gave up some chances to practise teaching the word and leading a group to discuss Christ. The urge remains strong - the need remains strong in the kingdom. Am I capable? I do not know, but I want to be part of it for the glory of God. For people need to be reached, and I see this even in our misguided affluent society mired and obsessed with ideas and theories, rather than being obsessed with the truth.
Truth be told, sometimes I wonder if my urge is misguided. But I see no hope in secular work. I see no motivation to move on learning more when I want to learn the gospel. I see no future in this world, only one in the kingdom. But is it just me??? IS IT??
I'm really the most confused and uncertain in this area right now. By the grace of God my wife and I have grown and I see it in the way we relate to others, and in the way we deal with issues. Nonetheless, I really wonder if we are meant to walk down that road. I want to be content with my lot, but yet with the increasing urge to speak the gospel with accuracy, somehow I don't want to be just ministering to the here and now.
Yet... children are a lovely lot to be guiding, and God continues to surround us with people who need ministering to, and who minister to us. At least for this year, I should be content. I have to be.
For right now, that seems to be the will of God in our lives... Yet sometimes when I stop to think about it, I really want to ask.
Is that all that's for us God? Isn't there more? Please God?
Please?
A few of you would be in the know, and some of you might be very surprised, but ever since Christmas, my wife and I have been through quite a bit. I can't go into details but well, it's been quite a serious period of experiencing God's grace in the lives of others, spending time with my parents, cooking and baking (an inordinate amount of time was spent doing that), some shopping for furniture...
A time when we should have been thinking of the year ahead and the year past became an active flurry of activity. And as usual, something happens to help me and my wife to come to a screeching halt to take a quick look at ourselves.
Was called up today with regard to helping out with another ministry in church. Truth be told, being involved with the preschoolers seems to be the only ministry we're involved in. What we do on the sidelines is exactly that - the sidelines. As in no one else knows, and I'm not going to share or bother to share. It's not that these "sidelines" are not important, but rather that they are not visibly important to anyone else. And so I almost jumped at this chance to serve in a more visible ministry - after all I do want to serve the church full time. And waiting to be called upon to join the MIP or MPA (whichever) is sometimes... excruciating. Am I capable? Am I ready? Will I be found wanting when the call comes?
And I came to a screeching halt and now cower in complete humility and sadness at myself. I wanted to serve in a ministry because I wanted to be more visible. BE MORE VISIBLE. How far have you fallen, oh sinful one?
God be praised. I looked back at the turbulent few weeks, and not one event didn't occur out of love. We really loved the people we were involved with, and we really cared and wanted to show that we cared. We made tuna and crabsticks mayo, we cooked a hearty meal, we shared our hospitality, we planned for the children...
And I stumbled at something like this.
It doesn't take much for us to stumble. Right now, I realise that with this little event, I am still very much a sinner. I don't think I'll be brave enough to tell the church that I will reject this chance of ministry because my mindset is wrong. But I do want to spend my efforts with the children for this full year without worrying that I'm spreading myself too thin. I want to give my 100% to my dear long-suffering wife as well, and not place ministry above her heart. I want to spend more time with my DG mates and know them better, I want to continue being encouraged and encouraging some brothers and sisters with whom we've drawn closer over the end of last year. I don't want this to imperil all that simply because I want to be seen.
God forgive me. And please strengthen me to not be so silly, and grant me patience to wait on you to know if this calling is real, to know when I should step into full time ministry. For I know that I am not capable and I feel I may never be completely capable. Just as I feel incompetent as a husband, just as I feel inadequate as a guide to others. May your strength and wisdom shine through in my foolishness and in my weakness.
But for the grace of God I live, so by the grace of God I breathe. Amen.
Most of you who read this blog are bloggers yourself. And oftentimes you read other blogs, and on a regular basis. But sometimes, some of us take ages to blog. How do you then know when to browse to your friend's blog to see if anything has been added?
Enter an old tool called Thunderbird Email. Already established as a solid email manager (lacks the calender tool of Outlook, but can be installed if necessary), Thunderbird also has a nifty feature that allows you to keep a folder that automatically downloads new entries off what is known as an RSS feed. Most blogs have this feed somewhere. If you use blogger, or your friend uses blogger, one way to test it would be to use Mozilla Firefox and check if the RSS logo appears in the address bar when the site has loaded.
What you do is to fire up your Thunderbird, and select File->New->Account. Choose a new "RSS News and Blogs" option, and name it anything you want. Finish creating your new account, and then right click on the new folder created (hint: it's the name you just chose!). Choose "Manage subscriptions" and then you'll get a little box listing what you're subscribed to presently. (Nothing yet of course.) Click Add and add in the link to the RSS or the XML file that will actually cary the content. For most Blogspot users, your RSS link if you created it is your URL with an atom.xml attached (eg http://myblog.blogspot.com/atom.xml). Copy that whole link into the new Feed URL box and then click OK. Thunderbird will then handle the rest, including the name of the blog.
Make sure that once you've created this and everything is ok, right click on the News folder (again, the name you chose earlier) and select Properties. Choose how often you want Thunderbird to check, and whether you want it to check on start up (a wiser option since if you close Thunderbird, it won't matter what time selection you put).
Now that all your friend's blogs are on a list, you don't have to browse like mad anymore! Unles you like that kinda thing.
(Note: for my blog, you can find the link under Meta (on some skins) or Syndicate this blog (on other skins). If all else fails, use this link:
http://hamstercage.squeakmeow.com/xmlsrv/rss2.php?blog=2)
Happy blogging!
There've been a rash of weddings over the December period - we've been attending one every other week, practically. Accounting for pockets that are a lot emptier at this stage. :P
And at least one session of being depressed by the state of affairs.
All of the weddings we attended were of our non-Christian friends, and for 2 out of 3 of them, they were really close friends, friends that we love. We've been living out the Gospel before them and ocassionally talking about the Gospel, but not very aggressively as they're not really the kind to respond to hard sells. (And some people go, "How you know?")
Nonetheless, we attended the weddings to be part of their joy.
We had to attend a wedding on Boxing Day. No that's not the depressing part! I got more and more morose as the night wore on because of a few factors:
1. I was seated next to a lady (my wife on the other side lah.) who I hadn't met for ages. And she was going on and on about things of external appearances ("These chocolates are wrapped so shabbily! If it were me I'd reject them!" "Are you sure they didn't already see them and accept them?" "But they're so shabby! I would reject them!") ("She's so short." About the bride. This despite knowing them for more than a few years.) ("I'm thinking of postponing my wedding." "Why?" "Because the preparation very ma fan." *Silence* How to reply like that.)
2. Toast - "Wishing them love for eternity and everlasting happiness!" - Like your "wishes" will do anything. When this was going on, wife turned to me and we both went "Yah right." Wife went on "If they don't work at it, what happiness?" I returned "What eternity? They don't have Christ!" Much later, we were to muse that "there's no marriage in eternity lah. Duh."
3. More wishes. "Hao yi tou." "For what. They don't work at it, yi tou won't do a thing. Actually, yi tou doesn't do a thing."
4. The clincher - wedding games. Now I'm not against wedding games. I'd like to think I have a simple sense of humour especially if you tickle me with a feather. I don't think games that get the husband to, uh, physically touch the new bride, aren't all that bad. (Unless it stumbles people but hey, you're talking about non-Christians).
The groom in this case was blindfolded and was asked to hold some lady's hands (still attached to their bodies lah) to find out which one was his bride. Now that's still arguably okay though I wonder if my own wife would have been pleased or wanted to be part of that. But some phrases the MC used to "encourage" the groom: "Now your bride is at stake." "This will decide whether you bring home the bride tonight."
At this stage I already wanted to go up stage and give the guy a piece of my mind.
The bride didn't escape either. She was blindfolded... and three men were then to kiss her cheek and she had to decide which one was her husband.
I threw down my napkin in disgust and walked out to breathe before I really did something I'd regret. I didn't leave. How could I? I wanted to congratulate the bride, one of my closest friends. I was there for her sake. But I couldn't sit through this.
The reception area was quite near the hall though, and I could still hear snippets of the event ongoing.
"There are three handsome young men stepping up on stage now. Let them introduce themselves"...
"Are you sure you don't want any of these young men?"...
"You can always ask them to come back and kiss you again you know."... (repeated ad nauseum though the threshold for that is very low)
"These are strong young men! Take your pick!"...
It doesn't matter whether they picked the right person. I'll even leave it up to your imagination to think what if they did or did not. Whatever happened to the sanctity of marriage? Would the MC if confronted have just said "It's just a kiss/it's just holding hands!"? Whatever happened to real friendship which is other-people centered? Why must the groom and bride be humiliated simply because "this is the last chance"?? Why must they be humiliated at ALL? What's with all the yi tou and all that and once you get a chance, you try to drive a wedge, to introduce jealousy? Why all this just so you get a kick? What is the wedding ABOUT? What is a marriage about??
5. We failed to really introduce God into our conversations that night. Must work harder on this.
There WAS one highlight of the night. On the way home, we opened the chocolates because I was hungry. One was white and the other was dark. Each one was a solid ball and when I popped it into my mouth, I wasn't expecting much. Imagine my surprise - thin chocolate walls of chocolate that wasn't too sweet and was very smooth, filled with melted chocolate of the same type that just soaked slowly into your shocked and happy tounge. My wife who doesn't take chocolates normally happily polished off one white ball to my surprise.
Shabby wrappings? Wonderful content.
Foolishness? Real wisdom.
Fiction? Truth.
Hold fast to the truth of God in this fallen world. It's really the only anchor we have. And thank God that despite the lies and habits of this world, by God's grace we can still see through some of those lies and understand how sinful we really are.
Once upon a time, a baby was born. His parents wanted the best for him, and wanted him to become somebody. They tried their best to provide everything they could and he grew up to become a successful minister, even becoming the president of a little island-nation. At his deathbed, he was surrounded by his loved ones, and passed away peacefully, rich and well known. At least well-known.
Once upon another time, a baby was born. His father almost divorced his mother quietly because the baby was not his. But an angel spoke to him to tell him that this was God's will, not his. He went on to have many other children with his wife.
The baby? Grew up to be known as a horrible person, scolded and always rejected. He was spat upon at death, insulted, and put to death in a public execution that was excruciating and humiliating. His offense?
Saving the world.
He's still known as a horrible person, a liar, a madman, a person of fiction, a person who did not die at that time, but lived to a ripe old age. But some of us more "foolish" ones know him as our Lord, our Saviour, God Himself, God's son Jesus who also was the Christ. We know Him because He knew us first and not due to any merit of our own, and His death means so much to us as our sins have been pardoned - evidenced in His resurrection three days later.
What do you believe?
Merry Christmas, one and all.
How far will we rebel against the Creator God?
To those not in the know, wife and I have moved to the west side of Singapore over this weekend, thus not appearing in church. I was pretty hard pressed to answer when I received 2 offline messages from MSN friends (they were offline, not me) "Not going church?"
We've got the essentials in place but home building is tough. My arm hurts badly because of some Ikea stuff and I have to say drilling reinforced concrete is no joke. Sianz.
That's it for now - we're back on the Net, and we're about to go sleep at 10pm.
TIRED.
But thank God for safe moving, things coming smoothly, a very efficient Helping Hands moving team, sufficient money, and a million other little things.
Pray for wife and me to stop sneezing (lotsa dust) and for her dad to recover from a bout of flu contracted over the weekend...
And see you in church soon!
I don't mean to stumble anyone or what... but I just found a few new clothes for my blog!!
Gunblad3, TYC, check out the Oldschool skin. It's dedicated to madmen like you and me and TYC. CD, check out the Pop skin. Think U'll find it distinctively funky.
CD, it's free for you lah. I still have space on this website to host another blog for you. But it'll be difficult to archive all your old blogs cos it's not easily archived and vice versa, so that's the biggest problem. And having to get to know another blog system all over again. It's not as easy to use as blogger!
New skins: oldschool, pop, happyblog, boogle (NICE!), guadelope, leaf, reflection
Thank you for these beautiful words that reflect how we feel now, Hwee Yen.
Father I fear, what lies round the corner
Already I'm gasping for breath, grasping at straws
I can't see a handspan into the future
I'm scared of what life has in store...
But you said do not be anxious about anything
Bring all things to you through prayer and thanksgiving
And the peace of God which passes understanding
will guard my heart and mind
In Christ
Let the peace of God which passes understanding
Guard your heart and mind
In Christ...
In Christ.
If you feed mere sparrows, dress the lilies in the field,
Should I fret over tomorrow, my clothing and my meals
These questions find their answer, when you gave your Son to die,
You've raised Him as Lord
He will be glorified...
So I will not be anxious about anything
For you will provide
All that I need to stand firm in Christ
I will sing in your presence,
I will never be foresaken
For you've given me your word,
Fulfilled
I will sing in your presence,
I will never be foresaken
For you've given me your word,
Fulfilled... In Christ
Fulfilled... In Christ
Your word is fulfilled in Christ...
Fulfilled... In Christ
Taken from Hwee Yen's album In a Little While
Equals to CCC equals to children's church camp.
Equals to a time of learning, a time of sharing, a time of being inspired, a time of testing, a time of loving, a time of being loved, a time of laughter, a time of tears, a time of discipline, a time of disciplining.
I AM VERY TIRED STILL!!
OK that's my own fault. Wife and I took the time after the last day to buy some electricals for our place. Please join me in thanking my DG in giving such a big bunch of Taka vouchers that we ended up with extra even after getting the essentials. We were totally overwhelmed.
OK. Children's church camp...
Now a few things before I post this post.
1. This is a selfish post - I'm posting what I felt and heard so I can come back to it and muse when the emotions are less fresh.
2. Names of the kids will not be included - they are sinful by nature, but innocent of anything I attribute to them :P
3. Carpe, you may find out who I am by the end of this post. At least if I'm right in suspecting who you really are. Think pizza and married men. :P If that's the case, drop me a mail. :)
Pre-CCC
Nothing ever prepares you for the actuality of facing a group of 4 and 5 year olds, each with distinctive behaviour, each with different issues. I simply didn't prepare beyond looking carefully at the given time schedule, shivering at the thought that children might fall off the boardwalk like lemmings given half the chance (and the rest would swarm to jump), tweaking some of the craft items that the teachers had been taught how to prepare (each group had to prepare the craft the weekend before so as to know how to do it and have an example - wise move!) (My wife did this part more anyway) and prayer. Looking back, nothing could ever prepare me enough. From our experience with our children in our pre-primary class, wife and I were gearing especially me up for an energetic romp for the whole weekend. Wife had to settle some stuff for the new house on Saturday and Monday, so she was only there on Sunday - despite being ill. Thank God that she made it though. More on that later.
We were right. We weren't prepared enough.
The days of testing
Children are lovely. Let's face it. Their enthusiasm, their inquistiveness, the things you'd do to just get a little smile or a simple nod with a trusting look... sometimes you just marvel at how simply they look at things. And we were being exposed to them for the better part of 3 days in a single setting. I'm talking about preschoolers here of course, where the simplest way to make a child stop crying is to stuff her or him with sweets (and precipitate a tooth-related problem that leads to more crying). But we teachers of the CC are very loving. We didn't bribe them. :P We appealed to their better nature.
Noting that this is simply a summary of my very randomized neurological process right now - MY BRAINS ARE MSUH - my thoughts are rather jumbled. The kids were lovely. From the word "GO", so long as they had familiar faces, the kids were tripping over themselves trying to show us things they did. I remember the first craft was a paper clock. The kids were happily making their clocks and the best memory I had was of my partner having kids run up to her, displaying their clocks. She enthusiastically responded of course, but it was heartwarming seeing how the children almost jumped her in their excitement to show off their works. This was repeated non-stop almost all the time.
The kids I taught didn't do that though. Not a sad thing - they just aren't the type to enthusiastically seek for approval (they do it through other means).
I had kids insist on sitting with me. I had kids who didn't know me smile at me as I made a face. I had kids jump on my back and then roll off laughing as I spluttered in mock rage. I had kids pull on my hand and point and speak roller-coaster as only kids can (after which I had to ask them to repeat with my ear next to their mouth). But all that required energy - you have to remain interested, you have to react immediately, you have to be authorative in a funny way at times (most kids respond to this like a charm) and then authorative to those who think you are joking (shouting doesn't always work, but sometimes you need to shout to get them to even look). You have to watch yourself to be polite even when scolding, you can't hit them EVER and so you have to negotiate till your mouth is dry. And then if you can't negotiate or he or she is not willing to give ground, you pull the "I am teacher you are child" lever and simply say "no, because I say no".
It helps that you can usually talk to them till they have to either admit that they're being selfish, or they can't answer you (for fear of admission) and go back to the tested and proven whine of "I want this and that".
I had kids who really loved. One of the children R has some issues with walking - she's wheelchair bound and needs injections for it. But she bravely soldiered on, wanting to be involved and not complaining - ever! The only time she backed down was when a child hit her face by accident. Her lack of mobility on legs left her face at their elbow level. And then she went right back into the games with gusto just minutes later. I don't remember her crying. Or shouting. Or demanding. The lady who came along with her - a nursemaid of sorts who administered her injections as well - was patient, loving and caring. She understood when we didn't know how to handle the child, and she would step in quietly without any sense of awkardness.
And then I had C. She held on to R, always looking out for her, waiting for her to eat and drink, getting her stuff, holding on to her hand, talking to her. She was no older than R and yet she always looked out for her. I didn't know this at first, till I asked her to line up with the rest - she clung on to R and said "I'll wait for her". My heart melted and she dutifully lined up with the rest as the nursemaid picked up R gently and stood in the line. R reached out her hand and C clasped it.
J comes from a non-Christian family. Yet she was always ready with a smile, smiling widely, laughing merrily, looking to join in, looking to jump in. She was obedient yet cheeky, always happy, and taking in all the love we could shower on her. She only joined us on the second day and then when asked, she said "I want to come back!" We really pray and hope to see her in regular church. For her salvation... and for her joy in love.
And then I had a little one who refused to back down on the second day, whom I had to pay singular attention to throughout the outing. She was fretting and wanted to call her mother over something small. We refused - it was another occassion of her wanting to get her way. She kept crying and being miserable even though she did end up getting distracted. What really displeased me was that she tried to pretend that her knee hurt - and after verification from the camp doctor who whispered "It's ok one lah... she's fine... just needs some sayang". And a million other little things. Like the way she kept trying to open a pack of cookies I gave her to make her stop crying with the promise that she would first ask mummy if it was ok after the day was over. And I caught her just outside the door with daddy, her teeth in the packaging, trying to open it. I asked daddy if he'd given her permission. He raised an eyebrow.
"No."
Turning to her. "What did you promise me?"
The snack was quickly hidden and she looked innocently at me.
But in the end, she's still just a child. She'll learn with God's help.
Highlights of the camp
There're probably other things but words can't fully describe them. The thing about serving little ones is that you really have to be at their beck and call and yet have to be firm when they want something that's not good for them. And you don't receive any rewards directly - you just get them as and when they come emotionally, and you just pray and hope that what you plant in these little lives will grow and blossom as they try to make headway as God's children in this messy world that claims to know everything. At this point in time where wife and I don't know where we should serve, that is a gentle encouragement to continue in this ministry. That and the warmth that suffuses you as you reach out your hands to a child, gently asking if they want to "sit with Uncle *my real name here*" and she nods even before she's finished turning her head, soulfully looking at you with her big round eyes.
... Carpe just emailed me. Yes we met, dearie.
Anyway I shall go stew and pray and think (and talk to Edmund) about where to serve.
I'll miss the kiddies if I move on.
He sat next to her in the dark, frustration and confusion clouding his mind as they both stared out into the large empty field. He clenched his fists.
It had been a perfect day. Well, almost perfect. He'd succumbed finally. He'd let her know his mind. And now they both sat, staring, wordless, as what had been almost perfect dangled broken.
They'd been unlikely friends. They had been in the same class, but the first word that had passed her lips to him was "You like so-and-so issit??" And he'd been flabbergasted, not knowing how to answer simply because it was a yes.
He never felt any attraction to her. Well, how could he "like" someone he didn't even talk to? He didn't think he wanted to talk to her. She was generally aloof, speaking only to the girls in their secret huddles and such. He stuck to his group of guy friends, talking to them about girls in general, studies in detail, nothing in particular. He was trying to fit in after all.
His first crush ever during that period was for a young lass whose hair bangs were a major source of fascination for him. And his classmates teased him about it. It lasted till he found out she was attached though. He actually approached her twice and got rebuffed twice. The second time she told him she'd gotten attached. To a senior. His heart was broken of course. He wept for his stupidity. And then he surprisingly got over it and she adopted him as a younger brother. 3 days younger at that! He found it easy to love her as a good friend. After all, he had really fallen for the person in her and not simply the bangs.
And that was how he started talking to the girl who would change his life forever.
At that point, the class became embroiled in some politics that tore the boys into two camps. He became the third camp - the camp that stood away because he had been used as a tool to face off both camps. And as he stood off, his "sister" took him under her wing, and encouraged him to talk to her other sister. She was being plagued by some unwanted attention from an unlikely suitor and so he picked up the phone, brashly announcing "Eh, your sister tells me that since I'm her brother, you're my sister too. So I'm calling to help you out to rebuff The Guy."
Silence on the other end for a while.
It wasn't really like some gangland system. The connections were loose, more of real closeness beyond even that of simple sisterhood. The three of them became a close knit group, beyond all expectation. They shared meals, comments, ideas, singing silly songs, passing notes, drawing pictures. A young boy fresh from a monastic background, the wonderful world of ladies continued to unfold for him. All the while he fell "head-over-heels" for other girls in his life, relating the experiences he had with them to his siblings by adoption. Over the short course of a few months, exams came and went. He spent time on the phone with her. He never really accepted that she was his sister by extension. He never accepted anything about her other than that she was a good friend. After a few late night phone calls, she was a very good friend.
And she continued to listen and tell him of her past, her dreams, her person. He shared with her his laughter, his childhood horrors and tales, himself. And he told her how he felt for this girl, that girl, and the other one. His sister would listen when they were together as a group, but there wasn't any impetus for a conference call. So they continued to talk as a group, over the phone, to each other. And all the while, he fell for other girls, being attracted to them while knowing that he was simply impossible in his awkwardness as a boy, in his lack of understanding of the female psyche. And so rebuff after rebuff followed as he closed both eyes and went up to his love of that period to tell her that he liked her. And he would run back to her listening ears (not arms lah!) as his heart would bleed. It got to the point that he promised himself in her presence not to ever fall for another girl. Or at least not tell them! And so 3 targets passed, one after another, as his puppy love was held in check by his bruised ego and heart.
It started innocently enough. He told himself that it was working - that girls weren't the first thing on his mind anymore! And then he went home for a while north. And he found himself missing her. Was it the group he missed? The trio, doing everything together, sharing ideas and thoughts? He thought it was the group. In the absence of email, he penned a quick letter speaking about life at home, and how things were in that short month. And he sent it off to his sister without expecting anything in return. And he was surprised to find a letter in his mailbox written by her! And as he read it, his heart skipped a merry beat while she wrote of things, on behalf of their sister as well. And he still didn't know it. For at that moment another image of another girl was fresh in his mind.
Over the first month of the new school year, things started to pick up - it was an important year after all. Graduation loomed and the promise of a future. So they attended classes regularly, religiously, discussing answers to essays over the phone and when they met. They were both the earliest in school for their class, meeting at the class adopted bench, and settling into their homework for that day, talking about events, chatting about nothing. And his sister noted quietly with a wry grin their closeness, the way they would get up from a bench exactly mirroring each other, the way they would talk.
He said to her half in jest, "I can't fall for you."
She looked surprised. "Why?"
"I'd fall completely and totally for you. Head over heels. You know too much about me."
And they went on, suspecting but not knowing for sure. She had developed a habit of hitting his head hard to cheer herself up with his complete cooperation. And one day she stopped.
"Why?"
"I don't want to lose you as a friend."
Feelings awoke that were better left hidden. He kept it bottled in.
"I might want to go work in the Red Cross."
"Then it'll be very difficult to find a girlfriend for you. She'd have to be very understanding."
"She'd have to be now, won't she" A wry grin.
And his sister watched patiently.
Every fire needs a tinder. A spark. The spark came from the most unlikely of places. She coughed very badly one day and he was very concerned and one of the fussing girls looked up and acidly said "He seems like he cares too much to be your brother." That girl glared at him, daring him to say anything. He was too caught up in his shock and remorse at having been found out to react.
He missed a lecture, too busy blaming himself and being upset. His sister was concerned too, and for the next lecture, she made a wise move - she switched seats with the girl, and she ended up sitting next to him.
"What's wrong?"
"You're the last person I can tell."
Notes were exchanged in that one lesson. One of which was written by her as such:
"Is it you like me?" -> *VOMIT*
"Yes."
The paper was torn up, the conversation stopped.
"Look... I'll try to get over it. I WILL get over it. What we have now is too precious to lose. I don't want to lose you as a friend."
"You better."
They had originally arranged to study together for the rest of the day before an evening lecture. As they sat together during lunch, the awkwardness hung like a ton of bricks over them. It was with some relief that he grabbed on to another classmate to join them to study. That classmate never realised that she was the only person talking. Or she noticed and chose not to care.
Night had fallen by the time they realised how miserable they both were. When the lecture ended, they went over to their favourite talking place and sat down. They stayed quiet. Then he spoke of his feelings. Of how he would try to hold them in, and how he valued her. And how with his past he knew he could do it. He had to.
"I feel the same way." A quiet whisper, almost unheard.
"What?" A quickening heartbeat.
"Nothing."
"What did you say?"
"I feel the same way."
"What way??" A note of panic creeping in.
"I like you too."
He couldn't help himself. No one had ever said that before. And he geared himself up and said it.
"I... think I love you. And I want to be with you. I want to care for you and at least make sure that when I go home for those 6 months at the end of this year, that we have something firm already."
She demurred. But a little smile appeared at the corner of her lips. For a while.
P.S. One word in the title is a lie. Which word?
P.P.S. Guys, is this a true story or not? Depends on whether you want it to be. Consider this - that we often look too far from home to find that Christian girl who will be the perfect helper to help us to be loving husbands. This one story may have worked out till this point - but it doesn't guarantee that it will. Besides, I never included the ending. Who knows which way this story will go? Nonetheless, if you don't risk something in the lists of love (no, not a reading list, a jousting list!), you may end up never even starting out. And LISTEN TO THE HINTS!! You MAY be wrong, but you can be right too.
P.P.P.S. Girls, don't play hard to get. It doesn't work. Period. You may want to do better, but the fact remains that every man is still a sinner in this incomplete world. There IS no second best brother of Christ as in Christ we will be perfect, but are yet incomplete. But if you really have no attraction or don't want to try it out, at least let the guy down easy.
P.P.P.P.S. Some guys may seem to be shoppers. But that's only because they don't know what they're looking for. It may prove to be a bad thing, but chances are that the guys are just as confused as you are. If you doubt it, talk to him. If he's of the idea that marriage is just something you have to do by 30 years old, then stay away.
Since someone else was playing around with blogskins, I decided to play around with mine and realised that one of the skins I installed earlier really is nice. This one is called wpc_silver_is_the_new_black.
Interesting name.
Anyhow, if you look at the right-hand sidebar, you'll see a list of skins you can try. Click on them and the page will reload with the new skin. After you're done choosing, if your cookies are enabled, the next time you visit, the blogskin will stay!
Now... who wants me to host their blogs for them? *wink*
Just found this excellent resource that might prove interesting. It's got quite a few articles which are very Biblically sound and also provide more detailed information about the Mormons and the Jehovah's Witness cults, of whom the latter we know as the "poor boys who get stuck in DB".
(Note: DB = detention barracks. JW adherents believe that serving NS is against God's commands and refuse to do so. S'pore responded by simply putting them in military jail for the length of time that they should be serving. Any NS guys can comment?)
Mormons are quietly but surely spreading their influence in Singapore as well - if you see any well dressed people wearing (almost always) white shirts and black pants, with a little black badge over their shirt pocket proclaiming that they are Elder so-and-so, these are Mormons. Think they're harmless?
Hop over to this site and read up if you're curious.
[Edit: Blast. The link! http://www.carm.org ]
Just looked through some stats referring to this blog... and there's a nifty little section that shows phrases that people search for in other to get to this page.
malaysian hamster care
hamster cage singapore
malaysia corinthians figurines
plt arpc
book review of jesus sermon on the mount by carson
book review for jesus sermon on the mount by carson
best hamster cage design
chinese cage punishment
pictures of bandar aceh, tsunami, october 2005
"rev andrew ong"
hamster cages under 15$
chin cher blog
How much does a small hamster cage cost
"eighteen levels of hell"
"wee seng"
hamster tie
singapore hamster cage
hamster cage stress priority
giant hamster cage
Simply amazing. What in the world is a hamster cage stress priority??
Preparing to move house in real life so things are a mite busy and stressful. Still, will try to drop some notes here and there...
[Edit:
As TYC correctly pointed out, this post may stumble some who come across my blog to think that such tests are in any way conclusive. Please note:
This test is not in any way conclusive and does not represent who I really am.
Having said that, it would be interesting to see if there's anything I should take note of to see if I can be a better child of God.
I do not however, support using these tests in any major decision making - including the choice of jobs. It's only indicative - it's not exhaustive. Please exercise wisdom when using such tests and especially please refer back to God's word on what being holy means. And when choosing jobs or when pondering the "compatibility" of someone else with you as a lifelong partner, there are clear guidelines in the Word on what parameters you should be using. Please email me if you have any queries on that!
Thanks for your comments, YC :)
:Edit]
Taken from Carpe Diem's blog...
Your #1 Match: ESFJ |
|
The Caregiver You are sympathetic and caring, putting friends and family first. You would make a great nurse, social worker, or teacher. |
Your #2 Match: ISFJ |
|
The Nurturer You have a strong need to belong, and you are very loyal. You would make a good interior designer, chef, or child psychologist. |
Your #3 Match: ESFP |
|
The Performer You are a natural performer and happiest when you're entertaining others. You would make a good actor, designer, or counselor. |
How true is that? I'm no longer sure, frankly. Just fun to read - and think about how much we want to find out who we are and what our traits are, even though we don't know. And while God does know, we still insist we know better and want to hold on to the keys to our own lives.
:)
[Edit: Hey wait a minute. This test doesn't show negative traits. I remember the old MBTI test I took - which I don't remember now - had negative aspects to watch out for as well.]
Taken from Matthias Media's CHN
October 11, 2005
This morning there is a fascinating contrast of tone and content between the secular (Sydney Morning Herald) reporting of the Archbishop of Sydney's Presidential address to the Sydney Anglican Synod, and the "in house" reporting by the Sydney Anglican web site.
To work out which better reflects the content of the address, you might need to read (or listen to) the complete transcript (which, I must say, is a worthwhile exercise in its own right, for both Anglicans and non-Anglicans alike).
Noticed by Ian at October 11, 2005 08:48 AM
Worth a read - for those considering full time ministry, here's a quick insight into
In response to Carpe Diem's heartfelt post.
Our present is often dictated by our past. I still speak out when my father-in-law espouses learning by rote for certain grammatical knowledge of English. I learnt by rote. I learnt by rotan. I learnt when my mum asked me to stick out my palm, upwards and I'd close my eyes and whimper as I heard the swish. And the searing line of pain. And then the tears came.
I still hate the Chinese language by default. Writing, that is. Reading is fine. Thinking and speaking is fine.
Our past at our age is largely defined by our parents. Till I was 17, I lived under the wing of my parents, and then when I was in JC I stayed with a much more lenient guardian. Still, I'd have to be 34 to be out of that shadow. Says a lot about parenting, doesn't it. But that's not what I'm setting out to talk about now.
I can't say I had a wonderful childhood. I can't say I loved my parents a lot when I was young. It was always about studies, always about canes, always about grades, always about success. And incessantly always about securing a future, about money. Not that I blame my dad or mum. So much has happened to show me the darkness of focussing on money alone, and the futility. Because of money, I never saw my dad on a daily basis. He was this man who'd appear every weekend with some sweets to give us a hug and to spend time with my mum. No they weren't divorced. My mum stayed with us in Singapore to take care of us while my dad kept the business in Malaysia. And this little titbit will tell a lot of you who hamster really is in real life.
And when I grew up to be 12 years old, and my birthday was over, my mum rather ceremoniously took out the cane, called me over, and broke it. (OK she just threw it away, but breaking it is more dramatic ha) She told me I was old enough and I couldn't be caned anymore. I was sceptical.
She proved her words true. Though she DID employ a cane on my elder sister when she was in JC2. She never did employ the cane for any reason after that.
I came to Christ - nominally - in 1997. I went to a Pentacostal church, had the living daylights scared out of me, and turned to a tamer Bible-Presbyterian church to find out more about this God who gave me the scaries. I was already attached to a girl I'd come to love deeply, a girl who knew my past and my darkest thoughts and yet never turned her back on me even though we were "just friends". (Of course I'm talking about my wife. If you ever find someone who knows - and I mean really knows - you and loves you despite that, and changes her own life as you change yours so that you can grow together, don't let go.). That was my first exposure to an affection that went deeper than what I had ever had before. And I started to learn to love my parents.
It was difficult. My parents... well, they were traditionally Chinese ("I'm right, you're wrong") and yet modern ("I might be wrong, just don't tell me about it tactlessly"). From young, my dad warned me about Christians and how they'd want our money, and how they'd hit you when you were especially weak and down. Vulture tactics as it were. And once they had you, they'd keep sucking you dry financially. He had his reasons - my great-aunt is rumoured to have lived in a one room flat with only a table and chair in America alone despite earning a comfortable salary. She gave all her money to the church. For a man who saw fit to live life with only the goal of making sure the children have a good start in life, this went against all he knew and believed in.
I remember him picking up a chair to throw at me after I'd scoffed at his ideas of Buddhism vs Christianity one time too many. I remember sobbing my heart out as he came in the next morning to hold me (this was awkward - I was already 18, and who holds an 18 year old boy to say sorry?), to apologise, for me to just sob, to just wonder why was it that this Christian faith was so difficult to accept. Why it seemed so clear to me, and yet why he couldn't see it, why he would get so angry over something like that, when the emptiness of his faith in his gods was so apparent to me.
I had a lack of tact. I loved my dad and the raw edges showed. My dad loved me and was struggling to come to terms with a young boy who had a new belief, a new set of understanding which went against all he knew. And he didn't know how to react to some plump upstart telling him he was wrong to his face. His temper has always been a problem for all of us for he raged when he got angry. My mum would cane when she got angry. Oh well.
And then only recently did I understand how difficult it is for us to live life God's way.
In ARPC, I learnt about sin. I learnt about Christ. I learnt that Christ died so that we could be reconciled to God. I learnt that the Bible was the source of this knowledge. I looked, I learnt, and I was amazed. And God's grace enabled me to believe. And to understand.
We are all sinners. I don't understand why I believed and my dad didn't. Now as we go through the book of Revelations in church, I fear the judgement that will come upon him. I love him. He did all that he did because he believed it was best for us, though as the Bible points out and as history has played out, it may not have been. Nonetheless I am who I am today because God gave me a set of parents who did things a certain way that would result in a cynical yet earnest young boy discovering what love the emotion actually might feel like. And sacrificing my own wants for someone else was a first for me when I fell in love with a girl who fell in love with the boy that my parents brought up.
Maybe you might see the last statement as heretical ;) but I won't change my stand - that God placed a certain set of circumstances (both good and bad in man's eyes) that I might come to know Him as my saviour.
And in that aspect, I too pray hard, and fret over the salvation of my parents. What more can I do? What kind of testimony am I? How much time can I spend with them? They're in Malaysia and unsaved and do not mix with any professing Christians. My sister came home for a bit to spend time with them and worked in Singapore so that she could have access to them. She told me to pray and pray hard that they would be saved for she proclaimed that God had sent her back for this purpose. She's left. Did I not pray hard enough? Is she right that I do not have enough faith that they would be saved when I prayed - and therefore they aren't saved even though she's left? To be fair, she didn't even mention this when she returned to the UK.
I have to believe that only by God's spirit will my parents - I have not mentioned my mum but I love her even more than my dad - be saved. I have to believe that 1 Corinthians 2:6-16 is true. For I was not saved by my own efforts even though there were people around me who were instrumental to my understanding of Christ. Yet in His own time He saved me even as I was not worthy. And I can only trust that He knows best. I am worried and concerned that my parents will end up not being saved. But I can only pray that God will give me an opportunity to be a good testimony and even as I worry that I didn't do enough... no matter how much I do, if God does not will them to be saved, it isn't my call or say.
Difficult as it is... I'm not worthy either. Neither is my wife. Who is?
(Note: I wrote this in response to Carpe Diem's post, not to answer her or to give her a confidence. I struggle in the same area and if that provides you any comfort, CD, then God be praised. But as I cannot delude myself as to say that I understand God's will... I cannot also give you any assurance that anyone will be saved. But YOU and I have been saved against all odds - ourselves. Anything is possible by God.)
Ever looked at a diamond? If you haven't, go find a diamond ring to look at to see what the big deal is.
It really IS a big deal. I bought a diamond ring before to ask my then-fiancee to marry me. The surprise fell flat (Most narratives would have romantic stories, but my surprise was spoiled because her dad called her to sit down with me while he discussed with me whether and when we should get married. That's as close as anyone has ever gotten to trying to tell me about the birds and the bees but we shall shelf that.).
Up till then, I still wondered why is it that God made a piece of carbon, highly compressed, that would attract the attention of the weaker sex (and some men). I wondered which MAN probably marketed it so well that women couldn't do without that little piece of rock somewhere in their arsenal. And then I went shopping for The Ring.
The guy at the counter promised me that if I put it in a fire, I'd get some funny squiggles about ruling them all and binding them. But the ring was just plain and gold and I was suspicious of the way he kept muttering "Precious". Oh well.
The Engagement Ring had a very small diamond (I didn't have much to spend hor). But even a small diamond of that size caught the light in very different ways. It was small yet pretty, and every facet of the diamond would draw and reflect light to recapture the watcher's attention. Sometimes it got too bright and the watcher had to draw back to avoid getting hurt. Other times, it would entice the watcher to draw closer in fascination as you turned it slowly, reflecting light off it.
Now imagine a bigger diamond. Imagine somehow entering that diamond. Imagine looking at every facet, sometimes having to turn away, sometimes fascinated, sometimes wanting to reach out, sometimes pulling back.
And that's how I view a person's life. Like a diamond, multifacted, every facet fascinating, sometimes repulsive, but yet special. Some are worse than others, being flawed and trapping light when they should reflect. Some are flawless and yet so bright that you can't draw near. But each one is different and special.
My wife and I had the recent blessing of being allowed a glimpse into the depths of one such diamond. After being allowed into that little inner sanctum of her life, we both really feel honoured and we really look at her in a completely different light. With new respect, and feeling encouraged by her fight to stay loyal to God through Christ, in a disloyal world. And so, here, I'd like to extend our heartfelt appreciation for her letting us in, understanding her a little better, and allowing us a glimpse into who she is, and her love for Christ.
Thank you, our sister-in-Christ Ann.
History lesson time!
Let me pose the question - Who or what was responsible for World War Two? (No the answer isn't man and sin, even though that's correct. This is a REAL history question)
Answer: Adolf Hitler. He was evil and he was hell-bent on destroying the rest of the world so that he could rule the whole of Europe and the continent of Asia up to China. He hated Jews and set all out to kill them simply because of his hatred for them. The Germans loved him for what he did, supporting him in the war to set him as a dictator, to set Germany up as the leading country in the world. In the process they were willing to go along with him to remove the Jews.
Thus, the whole Germanic people are also responsible for WW2.
In fact, you can read all about it here.
Did you actually believe the section above? Did you click on the link provided to find out more? Did you wonder how all this information came about? Did you want to find out more about something that impacts our lives all the way back from 60 years ago?
In true fact, if you didn't, Adolf Hitler was a hero to his people simply because he wanted to restore Germany's glory. This was after the Treaty of Versailles totally laid the blame at Germany's door for World War One. The nation of Germany was actually doing ok up till the Great Depression in America and the death of one or two great statesmen from assassination, widely believed to be done by either Hitler's stormtroopers, or Communist agitators. Do read the notes yourself on the link earlier.
Christ's death and resurrection impacts all of us even now, more so than any war at any time. For His conquering of death gives us a hope of eternal life that we can hold on to for eternity. And yet, we accept what we read and hear in the media, we hold on to "common knowledge" as true knowledge, and faced with the truth, we refuse even to check our facts on what is the actual truth. And so we continue to live in our blindness simply because we are so used to just accepting what we hear, what we see. Without actually checking out the details for ourselves.
If you want to know more about World War Two, check not only the website but the books they recommend, or books on WW2.
If you want to know more about Christ, read the Bible and check the facts.
Don't just believe Dan Brown.
So much to do and so little time - for everyone else at now. The thing about doing web design or backend web support is that at a certain stage, when everyone is too busy to pepper me with requests, I actually end up being free.
Thing is, that's true for almost everyone in my company other than the higher level engineers. I guess they get paid proportionately more... though I wonder at times how I should speak the gospel under the stress that they have.
Sometimes, when we get caught up in what we do, when we get caught up in this whirlwind that we call life, we focus on what needs to be done and we forget relationships, we forget God, we forget that there will come an end to all this - when we pass away from this world. Accept God or not - death at least is true. And the Bible tells us yet that death is eternal, unlike all our musings and bubblings on the afterlife, reincarnation and things like that.
The world is headed for an end. Even if we don't refer to the Bible, we can see the natural disasters - a precursor to God's judgement on mankind for rebelling - and our sinful nature continues to erode at the fabric of society that we've woven as a safety blanket for ourselves. And when we refer to the Bible, Revelations tells us that what we see now will be nothing compared to the days of the final judgement.
Chapters 15 and 16 are scary. Downright scary. And yet very believable! As natural disasters strike, people sin against each other in their fear and their hunger to survive (New Orleans). People take the chance to blaspheme against God, to point out that if God was loving, He won't allow this to happen. People even take the chance to point out that God is punishing the sin of the countries involved! I've had countless people tell me how sinful a place New Orleans was. And how this is God's judgement by implication. But no one can explain to me how more or less sinful New Orleans is compared to Bandar Aceh. Or India. Or the Maldives where probably the fish would seem even to be more at peace with the world than any other fish in the world.
So what am I trying to say? This - that we are a sinful people on an earth where we worship ourselves, with Satan's help. And right now - RIGHT NOW - none of us can stand without His grace. We are equally sinners and sinful, we equally stand under judgement, we equally will perish if He were to judge. That by God's grace, some of us have had the gospel in our lives, through the infallible Bible. And that through His grace, He has granted us faith in Him, and in the Lamb whose death on the cross has redeemed us and has made the Lamb worthy of judging the world and releasing the seals of judgement. And THAT is truth - more so than any explanation or rationalisation of what has happened. And only entirely through His grace - not because we are holier, or better, or because we CHOOSE to repent. For even true repentance comes from being meek in spirit and humble - understanding that we are wretched beings, created yet wanting to rule ourselves, and failing, and knowing that only through Him can we come to any kind of salvation.
Make no mistake. God WILL come and He WILL judge. And when He judges for real, what we see now will be fleeting and laughable. The pain we face will be nothing compared to the pain inflicted for what have we done to deserve His forgiveness? And what is more, Revelations tells us that as we face disasters and the prospect of being punished, we do what is most natural to us.
We rebel even harder and we curse the name of He who is worthy to judge.
I say we, but we with the knowledge by His grace of what is to come, we have the added burden of knowing what will be. As we see the judgement coming, and we see the punishment approaching, it is akin to watching the tides of the waves roll out and disappear - and as we know that is a precursor to a tsunami, to scream to the rest to get out of there, to be saved. To reach out to the only lifeline that will avail us from that death and that punishment.
And to do that, the gospel needs to be preached. But how do we do it in our workplace where everyone is so caught up in what they do? Look at the people around us right now - and imagine where they will be or what they will be doing if and when the hail and fire mixed with blood starts to strike. Will they be with the Lamb, or will they be screaming and cursing the name of He who is Almighty, the Alpha and the Omega?
Honestly? I don't know how to start either. Please pray for boldness that His word will reach even those who think life will carry on as per normal no matter what happens!
Discuss.
(Actually this is more to remind me to post about this. But really busy at work now so will update later - much later. Leave comments if any)
Has anyone gone to the age-old Haw Par Villa recently? My last visit was about 8 years back and then some - my CT class was helping out there at some carnival for children (not involving the scary images and figurines and all) and all I can remember about it is that I was helping out at this stall with my then girlfriend to be (at that time she was my best friend). With another friend whom we continue to keep in contact with. In retrospect, that was one of the most fun times of my life. I remember smirking too, as my then best friend was then heckled by her then admirer who wanted to go on a date with her "after work".
Ah the way things turn out beyond our wildest dreams.
Haw Par Villa, if you aren't aware, is a theme park in Singapore that has a large collection of figurines depicting well known Chinese legends and tales including the well known Journey to the West. When I was much younger, the old Haw Par Villa was dark, dank and not really smelly. Nonetheless I always had nightmares and not a few of them had some dark sensual hint. But along the way that all fell away to be replaced with the unlikely association of one of the darkest places in my life with one of the brightest people.
Why was it so scary? The eighteen levels of hell were displayed in some detail (and from a set of photos on the Net someone just took, they seem to still be there after the renovation). My parents would take me there to walk around (it was free, I think, or very cheap entry) and I didn't need much commentary from them to tell what was going on. Which brings up a few interesting points:
1. How can we as Asians say that the west is exposing us to so much gore and blood? Go Haw Par Villa. Look at figurines of people being mutilated (eg adulteress being ripped apart, liar's tounge being cut out). The depiction of blood is vermillion smeared over the orifices being affected. And just as scary for that purpose.
2. The depicted 18 levels of hell is scary. In that essence, it's even scarier than the Bible's model of Hell. There's sexual elements, lots of gore and blood, and the ghouls are almost always animalistic or demonic.
3. I was 10 when I was first exposed to such stuff. Maybe that explains my kooky behaviour. At least psychology seems to want me to believe so. What with my early exposure to whips and cut tounges.
Cynicism aside, why is it that as a whole race, we tend to believe that there is a Hell and that there is retribution in all that we do, but when faced with the real creator God, we look on with disbelief when told that there really IS a heaven and a hell? And that we'll be punished for our disobedience? We believe in our subconscious (Asian Chinese) that there is a Hell and retribution and there are various many punishments for all our "sins". Of which if you take a closer look, we'll all be guilty of at one point or another. And our parents and their parents tell us of such things till we're more cynical and less gullible so that before we lie, the image of a bleeding mouth, tearing eyes and a monstrous goblin with a blunt knife will flash through our minds.
While we lie anyway.
Thank God that He has brought us an understanding of the true Heaven and Hell through the revelation of His word through His servants. And thank God that we are saved from sin by His Son, not through any effort of our own - which we will fail again and again.
I know I didn't want to talk about the hurricane and its effects. But I went to CNN's site today and saw a series of videos that are similarly heart-rending, painful, sickening at times...
The hurricane ripped through New Orleans, which has a significant portion of the city below sea level. When it struck, the levees protecting the riverbanks in the lower portion of the city burst in three places as well. Flooding occured almost at once. Portions of the city which used to be roads and buildings are nothing more than rivers. Gas leaks are common and despite the flooding there are pockets of fire which rage unabated because of the gas supplies. The flood waters have been contaminated with burst sewers which have resulted in the widespread contamination of the flood waters with bacteria which are known to be responsible for cholera amongst other diseases.
Devastation. Destruction. The same thing was visited upon Aceh, India, Pakistan. The same kinds of horror must have been there.
But almost weirdly, surreally, add in the human factor. Think of the bands of youths roaming around New Orleans before a military presence was established who went around not just looting but raping, killing, taking. Think of the snipers - more than one! - who opened fire on the hospital in the region which was trying to evacuate patients who needed better conditions under which they might have a lifeline. What possible gain could the snipers have had from doing what they did??
Possibly such incidents occured after the tsunami. Self-centred sinners taking matters into their own hands to benefit best from the worst situation. Not caring about God's judgement, only caring that they get satisfied for the next minute, the next hour. Maybe we see more of such documentation in New Orleans because of the more established journalistic presence in America.
I don't know. I don't want to know. I only mourn the sick fallen nature of our fellow mankind that we seek only to benefit from the pains of others, we seek to further ourselves on the dead bodies of those around us - LITERALLY! We seek to be happy, we seek to fulfill our selfish aims, we seek to do what we think is best for ourselves. We don't care about God - He doesn't care, why should we? - we immerse ourselves gladly in our sin and wallow like pigs. Even as our neighbours die quietly, alone, in pain.
And then... sniping at a hospital?? WHY?!
And don't even get me started on the federal response of one of the richest countries of the world. Don't get me started on how New Orleans happens to house so many poor people who aren't as important as people like Bill Gates. Don't get me started on how the police joined in the looting. Don't get me started on how a callous federal employee blamed those who refused to evacuate - and then later when asked how he could blame the poor and the disabled, said that this is not the time for blame.
God come soon. Please!!
This post has been bouncing back and forth in my head despite my busy schedule for a few days now so I decided to "pen" it down.
Hurricane Katrina has brought about a large display of sinfulness in the rapes, murders and widespread anarchy and crime in the "capital of jazz" New Orleans. I shan't comment more on that as it's been widely documented and lamented to this point. However, President Bush and his administration have been widely criticised for their lack of response (specifically HIS lack of response) in time to help out the stricken city and people. Bush has also been criticised for his handling of Iraq, his unilateral entry of war without caring about the UN and his appointment of America's representative to the UN (he appointed him despite the refusal of Congress to endorse the candidate), amongst other things.
Mentor Minister Lee has brought up Singapore from its post-independence days, making difficult decisions such as the separation from Malaysia and the stop at 2 campaigns. Controversy has arisen over his actions which pointed to unilateral party control (or as detractors put it - his dynasty) such as the recent appointment of President Nathan without contest. Not that detractors would have stopped lambasting should PM Lee Hsien Loong had not taken over the role in recent years. I'm sure there'd be some criticism along those lines too. For the record, we have freedom of worship and while things could be better, they're also not worse. I'm not here to start a political debate though.
What I'm trying to do is to point out that diplomats in general always get a lot of flak for what they are perceived to do or not do. Their actions are always up for review no matter what their intention, and detractors and supporters alike often go as far as to publish their views on why they are wrong, or right in doing what they do. Why does this happen? Because of the nature of the office that they hold. Take President Wee Kim Wee for example. No one would have wanted to know anything about this friendly gentleman right up till the point he was sworn in as President of Singapore. All of a sudden we want to know if he is friendly. We want to know if he cares. We want to see him actually doing things, not just a titular figurehead - because of what we expect of the OFFICE of presidency. Not of Mr Wee Kim Wee.
As Christians, we are aliens and strangers in this world (1 Peter 2:11). We are called to be different from the world (1 Peter 4:4) and we are told to do good deeds in this world to elicit praise for our Father in Heaven (Matt 5:14-16, 1 Peter 2:12). And we expect suffering in return for this (Phillipians 1:29, 1 Thess 1:6 among others) - that others will heap abuse upon us (1 Peter 4:4, Heb 10:33).
Personally in my walk, the devil has tempted me by whispering, "Relax! God cares! God has forgiven your sins! Don't bother about others for a while, just relax!" I had periods where I turned to my then fiancee and ask her, "Are we caring too much?"
We are diplomats of Christ, representatives of His kingdom as priests (Rev 5:10, 1 Peter 2:5,9). In that same way, our lives then are open to scrutiny and those around us will review our actions. Diplomats represent their government, and whether in private or public, their actions reflect the government that they stand for. Many a diplomat has had to resign due to some private problems or mistakes that they have made. How then do we best represent our kingdom, the kingdom that Christ has called us to, the kingdom of God our father?
1 Peter 2:12 reminds us that we are to keep our conduct pure (ESV) and Jesus Himself reminds us that we are the salt and light (Matt 5:13, Luke 14:34) of the earth. Can we relax? Can we lower our guard at any point, remembering the example of the diplomats? Yet at the same time, why should we be surprised that we suffer the negative views of others for what we do (as long as it's within and for the kingdom of Christ)? If even diplomats, who represent their kingdoms on earth, have to watch every move they make to avoid embarassing their government, what more us, representatives of the kingdom of God?
On a secondary note, leaders have it even far worse - their private lives are even more so up to scrutiny, and every decision is questioned and vetted by the superior hindsight of those whom they are supposed to be leading as well as those who watch on from the sidelines of their own kingdoms. Christian leaders are not spared this as well.
Remember to pray for our leaders, secular or Christian, and remember to look at the plank in our own eyes before we look at the speck in someone else's. Albeit if a leader makes a real big fat booboo, we still have to do what we need to do especially if he is a shepherd leading others down the wrong road. Nonetheless, be content and focus on what is important in the kingdom.
As a final note, we bloggers (most of you who end up reading this probably are bloggers) are just as responsible for what we write and are just as accountable. Whether you like it or not, we also represent the kingdom by extension in the blogsphere. And while others may say that it's our right to blog what we want because we feel like it, readers and those on the sidelines will still identify us as diplomats even if they don't know us personally and what we do in real life. They will see us as diplomats in Christ. And they will act accordingly.
And we need, therefore, to act as representatives of the kingdom of God, that His name will be exalted amongst even non-believers.
Gunblad3 has changed his blog layout (a lot nicer to read IMHO *wink*) and he's re-posted this excellent article reproduced from Matthias Media.
For all of us DG aficionados (had to check the spelling :P), this is a must read just in case you've set your priorities wrong, and just in case you ask why we should (not must, yes) attend DG on a weekly basis, putting it as a priority above say the call of work or anything like that. Or if you're attending DG for the right reasons.
Take a look, leave a comment on his page.
Link.
Just read this post off TYC's blog. He links to one of the first (and only) articles I've seen that handles the issue of infant death and salvation in a Biblical firm manner, not in some fluffy manner that leaves doubts and big holes. I do admit that the discussion is somewhat fixed on one point, but at least it's a starting point if you ever get asked this issue.
Thanks, TYC.
I can't bring myself to see any good in this letter at all. In fact, I feel a bit sick having read it that anyone can give himself such an excuse in order to be allowed to "have a few affairs".
What's the whole idea of marriage in the first place? Who makes people miserable once they get married - isn't it ourselves?
Go read the article and prepare the barf bags.
I just read this article linked off Gunblad3's recent post. Click on the title to get to shadow's blog where this post was first found. Have quite a few misgivings that I think I want to expound on to provide an alternative outlook (I think) on dating.
When I first read the first T, already I felt uncomfortable. After all, the very nature of looking for a "target" and weighing her up in your eyes in such a manner isn't very other-people centered. True. Easy for me to say - I'm married. But nonetheless, I still agree with Pastor Chris' lament that most ARPCians are more eager to look for happiness than tolerance. This goes a bit towards that angle - how many women - come on, honestly! - can fulfill even half that list?! Not many. However, that's what a good Christian lady should strive towards - and it's slipped many husbands' minds as well that it should fall as part of our duty to encourage wives to go towards that direction.
In itself, the target article is worth a read due to its pointers about what a good Christian wife should strive to be. In point, however, the target still should be inwards - to strive to be a good Christian man or woman, aiming to be a good husband or wife. What's wrong with that? Most if not all of the characteristics of a good husband or wife actually more than overlaps with being godly. Read the article for yourself - which good Christian woman shouldn't have those characteristics listed - but without the tinge of practical benefit that brings to a wife? Thus, it IS necessary and good to look inwards and strive towards God as part of our godly duty. Then being a good Christian wife/husband would then follow. True, to focus on only being a good wife/husband would miss the point. But to say don't focus on it at all till you're married, just focus on God, would be missing a bit of the point too.
Focus on being godly. Whether you're a husband or a wife, focus on being godly. When you do become a husband or a wife, some responsibilities increase - and then you still focus on being godly including those responsibilities. So the question shouldn't arise as to whether you should be a good Christian husband or wife.
However, I'm not saying I disagree with the article, just the summary. As a pointer to how you should weigh up whether someone you're contemplating dating is a "good Christian girl", this is a very good article. But always look at yourself first - especially if you're already dating. Can you fulfill your own role first? How are you helping your date or your wife to fulfill the roles set out for her? If she's being prudent, are you making it difficult for her to be? If she's being motherly to children, are you scolding her for putting pressure on you to have children?
Last point on the target issue - if sexual purity risks being tainted, please go get married. Please work out some dating times and techniques. Usually though, if it's at that level (whereby you see that one person and your heart goes baboom baboom and his/hers does too), you DO know that person. Again, tolerance versus happiness. Your duty is to stay pure for God.
Quite a few points in this timing part that I think may be running into human wisdom rather than Biblical (hopefully godly) wisdom. To be frank, these articles - so far - are "what to look out for in your partner". In itself, that's not very other-people centred already. But do be discerning, yes...
"effect of dating relationship on her relationship with God" - I have to question this point simply because that is practically speaking, not YOUR business. It's God's business. For example, my dating my wife-to-be became the way through which God brought my wife back to church. True, that may be an exception, but my query is which part of the Bible supports this. To me, IF both are weak in Christ, it might be good to talk to other brothers and sisters to see how things are going. Especially if their dating takes too much time off from their ministries and time in church. Also include the issues of sexual temptation.
If she is new (or for that matter if YOU are new) then you have other issues but I don't think "She will love you more than she will love God" will necessarily happen. It could be the other way round - that she instead dumps you to go for God. As for possible other issues, what MAY be more significant is if she's new, her handling of submission as a practice-wife (that's what dating is what) and IF you're new, your handling of potential leadership. Now having said that, whether you're new or not, these problems will be there. Thus, then should Christian maturity be a better gauge? Or "newness" of the Christian? What is "new"? What is not?
"Her relationship with God should be strong enough to that your intrusion into her life will not usurp God's rightful place in her life." That's really imagining yourself as quite important in her life. Very frankly, most people have more problems putting their loved ones as a priority as compared to say work, or church (obvious God-centered behaviour, that is), not taking into account that a husband's first godly duty is to his wife, and vice versa.
So this major point has a major flaw - What evidence or proof do you as a guy or a girl have, that IF you marry a long-term Christian that you won't cause stumbles and falling-aways during the term of your dating and eventually your marriage? If you can't answer that question, then this question is not valid to be held.
Not to say this article is totally wrong:
Uhh... I really have no comments about technique. I quite like THAT part of the article on itself! It didn't need any of the rest to back it up. However, I have to add that most courtship books list pointers on what to do and not to do when dating simply because they are practical pointers on what are possible ways to help each other stay godly. And I want to add that it's easy to think of setting your hearts on heaven above - when the girl you're dating is wearing long baggy pants, a baggy top that covers everything pertinent, and is sitting opposite you in a crowded cafe. But when she's wearing a spaghetti top (noodle strap as PC calls it), a pair of shorts, and happily walking next to you on East Coast beach, the practical aspect of setting your heart on heaven would probably involve her presence somewhere. In that set of clothes preferably.
Additional note - some people "flirt" amongst girls not because they lust for the female body but because they're really looking for a wife - not for sexual reasons, but as a female helper. That's still not the right approach though. So don't kid yourself and say "I'm not lusting or viewing them as sexual objects." It's still the wrong approach.
The bed at home is still the best...
I've been sleeping at NUH's A class ward for the last few days - my wife went in for a "standard major operation" to remove her fibroids. We opted for a single bedder for a variety of reasons, but mainly because it's her first major op and I wanted to really support her through this. As it was, I'm still not sure how successful I was in that!
Quite a few thoughts and impressions (leading to another chiong hei post - blast!).
I never knew taking care of someone who's been through an operation could be that taxing and tiring and even stressful. I love my wife, and I guess that's part of the reason why I was awake at the slightest call, but I've never been so exhausted even when not working before. My hat goes off to all caregivers over the world who have disabled people at home to take care of. I only had to do it 5 days - and I was quite ready to throw in the towel at one point. God's grace I didn't, and God's wisdom made me take a break to walk to a food court at 10pm when she was finally tucked in for the night to refresh myself with prayer and ... actually, quite lousy food. So probably it was the prayer.
I need to work on my patience. :(
Thank God for the nurses, for the sofa bed which made things easier for me, for her parents' love, for all our friends and siblings in Christ who showered us with love, gifts and prayers, for patience, for time off from work, for our financial state, and for Christ whom we could hold on to for comfort at any point, knowing that He went through pain and suffering more than we ever could.
However, in a niggling way, I can't help but feel a little *sigh* at having missed JFN's beginning. I was looking forward to it, and also a bit concerned about having to spread myself. However, I've been rather geared up mentally about being slowly guided into learning to teach and speak the word as a DGL, so there's still some sense of disappointment that I couldn't make it. Not at the expense of my wife of course, but the feeling's still there if you know what I mean. I think I should be joining in a tad bit later - say 2 or 3 weeks down the road when the groups are not attending the mass study. Still, there's a sense of not having done what I could have done. I'm quite sure that I did what I should have done - stayed by my wife's side.
Also, it's interesting - when husbands don't do as I did (stay by my wife's side), they get lambasted for not doing as they should do. But when husbands do as I did, they are told that's a good job. In essence, the dichotomy is weird - it's actually what they SHOULD do simply because that's the least they could do, plus that's a practical way of showing love. The world has fallen to a state where if we do what should be done, we look upon it as weird, or very good - when it's actually supposed to be normal behaviour. The other dichotomy is of course the need to feel appreciated doing something we should be doing, especially knowing that it's because we are God's children, we shouldn't be looking earthwards for appreciation. Point in case - I grew uncomfortable when someone complimented me for doing what I felt SHOULD be done - and yet when my wife said thanks, it warmed me to the core. And of course I was appallingly aware that I lacked patience for the job, plus my energy was being sapped. Add to that the lack of any kind of encouragement from her parents about what I was doing and I was quite confused at some point emotionally.
I'm not trying to say I did the right thing and therefore I'm good. God's orders are to obey Him, and so when we don't that's wrong. But when we DO obey, that's good and right, but it's not particularly commendable considering how much God has done for us already. What's more, when we DO listen to God's word, and get commended for it, it's a struggle not to let the head swell and it's a struggle to reattribute that to God at times. I guess even preachers have this problem - just that in my case I'm not holy enough :P :P :P
Fallen world we live in. Fallen men we are. And women. And children.
Oh yes. The post title. I finally slept like a baby back in my own bed, with my wife asleep next to me. Everything finally felt alright again just for that little while. Thank God!
Just finished this exceptionally good and Bible-centered book covering the Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5 - 7). Without going into details, I strongly recommend this book for a few reasons.
1. The message of the Bible can be encapsulated in this book.
2. There is sufficient reference to the word, with references from other sections to back up the discussion
3. Popular counter arguments and discussions are given which are then generally debunked from the Word - though this is not always true.
4. D.A. Carson always brings the reader back into the context of the times and the big picture of the Bible.
5. D.A. Carson manages to tie up the whole sermon as one - which when you look at it in its entirety starts to look really different - and amazing.
Whichever way you look at it, when a book manages to take a few chapters of the Bible and through those few chapters, encapsulate the entire message of the Bible, it never fails to amaze. One, that God's living word can be encapsulated as such, and two, that any book can do so. D.A. Carson handles the Sermon of the Mount in a very worthy manner, carefully going through various concepts over a few chapters.
My thoughts after reading the book include thankfulness to God for faithful writers and teachers, and a deeper confirmation of my spiritual bankruptcy. I also faced a measure of having to watch my pride as I managed to identify with most of what D.A. Carson said (albeit never with such clarity) and was encouraged to know that I was heading in the right direction - but yet must always admit that even that heading in the right direction was a gift of God. Reading the book was a challenging experience in terms of emotions, understanding as well as humility as I re-read what Jesus was teaching and understood it through Mr. Carson's eyes.
Unfortunately I can't summarise it here - borrow the book from me though I might not let go of it for another month or so while I re-read again, or buy it - because the depth of the book is simply too deep. In essence though, DA Carson contends that Jesus Christ taught that we must understand our spiritual bankruptcy, accept that we cannot face God alone or reach His standards, ask for His help to be saved, and with His help and through Him alone, become obedient to His word. Jesus pointed to Himself as the fulfillment of OT law and prophecy, and how obedience to God started from acknowledging how difficult it is to follow His commands. The whole book then wraps around that theme back and forth, coming back again and again to the question of obedience, with good works (or fruit of the Spirit) being a result of truly believing, and the idea of grace by faith resulting in works as taught by Paul and how Jesus taught it.
Cons of the book :
- Heavygoing. The English isn't easy to follow at times and I had to re-read a few paragraphs a few times just to understand THAT paragraph.
- Succinct - While that may be a benefit, the book isn't fat. Which means limited space to discuss - and so Carson's counter-counter-arguments sometimes run into his personal feelings and aren't well supported per se. However, he always qualifies this by pointing out that other arguments seem weaker, and oftentimes he's right. On the whole, his points fit in well with the whole sermon.
- Hard to accept - this is as true of Jesus' words as it is of Carson's words. But it's good to know that Carson isn't out to get the acceptance of his readers - he points out that even Jesus doesn't hold back from letting his disciples know that the kingdom of heaven isn't for everyone, isn't easy to enter in the first place, and isn't all pansies and roses. So this isn't necessarily a bad point - while I did not at any time want to throw the book down, I did see how non-Christians would find it hard to accept such a book. So good and bad point - just don't lend this book to your non-Christian friends or be prepared to give a lot of explanation. And I mean a LOT. Carson also doesn't mince his words with false teachers and half-truths. I agree with him. A lot of Christians won't.
That's about all I can say are the cons of the book. The benefits far outweigh them. Go get one. Read it on the way to work or school. You may learn something new about Jesus and the kingdom of God.
I know I did.
Finally I took the test…
Linked from Sern Khoon's site
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You scored as Martin Luther. The daddy of the Reformation. You are opposed to any Catholic ideas of works-salvation and see the scriptures as being primarily authoritative.
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Edit: Took me 20 minutes to format the thing properly. The results generated by the code generator on their side is flawed and b2evo is sensitive to tag errors... Sigh. Oh well. At least I can practise my coding skills.
My co just got me a pc. We chose the equipment ourselves. *Sigh* My Toshiba laptop is probably crying softly to itself...
Even as I continue to struggle in my daily walk with God - and no one can ever say it's easy unless they missed the point about suffering in Paul's writings - I find less and less time to blog. Also partly because most of what has been happening has been very personal and private, and involves issues that I can't reveal without sacrificing someone's privacy - which is not mine to sacrifice.
As my walk with Christ continues, I find so many things happening around me where I can get involved with the gospel, or gospel attitudes. But the happenings aren't new - it's the mindset and the way I look at it. I no longer look at the casinos and condemn, but rather sigh and look at where to go on. I no longer scream insults in my heart at those around me who screw up, who don't do things right - I either help them to work it out, or I shall rebuke myself for trying to control something that is out of my control. And while I used to look at myself in the mirror once a day to "see if I like the person looking out from the mirror", I now hold up the mirror of the Bible as often as I can to see how far short I still am. And all this not because it makes me better, not because I'm holier, not because I'm better. But because the Holy Spirit works in me, because God sent the Holy Spirit to reside in me, because Jesus died and rose again so that the relationship would be restored without justice being compromised.
In the end, that may yet be the strongest testimony I can give to God's goodness - that He saw fit to choose a wretched young man who thought the world of himself, to give him everlasting hope in He who rose, and who turned him around gently to see that he should instead think of others first, think out of this world, think foolish, think God. And even as His hand remains on my shoulder to guide me (and to gently but firmly turn me back to the path He has placed before me every so often) I thank Him that He also gave me so many reality checks that I understand even now that He didn't choose me for anything that I did - and that I have nothing to boast in but His goodness, His grace and His mercy upon me.
And I thank God for my wife too! :D If you're reading this, know that I love you, and that I'm not ever going to hide that from anyone.
A few thoughts that I simply must blog.
1. It scares me that I don't use the links on my sidebar to get to any of the blogs of my fellow Christians - or for that matter any other blogs I normally visit. I memorise them and know them by heart. Right down to the weird senseless misspellings like "weez9al" which I will never understand.
I am one sad person.
2. A phone call to my sisters last night went like this:
"This IS a weird time for you to be calling."
"No it's not. London just got bombed, or had some incidents again."
"Oh. Oh! Are you sure?! Just?"
"Yeah. Just saw it on the news a few minutes ago."
They're ok thank God. Which isn't what I'd say of the bombers when God finally deals with them, and if they don't repent before He comes. And also speaks of the efficiency of the television. And also speaks of me having a TV in the bedroom.
I need to get it out of there when we move house.
3. PCs with 2 Gb of RAM beat any laptops, and at a lower cost.
God spoke to me.
Yes I can hear the people say "Eeeee...." but it's true. He spoke to me through Pastor C, from His word.
He spoke of His great promises to us, His great faithfulness to us, and His great love for us. He reminded me that His love will keep us as we struggle through this world no matter how hard it seems. He pointed out that I have no right to be bitter - for who in this world should be more bitter than God at the betrayals that He's faced on a daily basis? He reminded me of my spiritual bankruptcy and He rebuked me gently yet firmly. He raised tears to my eyes as I understood how far away from Him I still am - yet close to Him in this relationship rescued and initiated by Him through His Son Jesus Christ.
He made me cry and gave me peace even as I let my sorrow go. He helped my tears to gather and fall even as He helped me to understand that I had forgotten that trust in Him, our God didn't extend just to words. He reminded me that if I truly trusted in Him, I would trust that He would work in the people around us, and keep us in our faith. Even if it would hurt now, it would be nothing when we meet Him again as He fulfills His promises for all to see. And I cried as I realised how self-centered in my pain I'd become, to fail to see His greatness at work, to fail to see that He was still carrying me even as I started to mutter at His failure to see how sinful other people were.
God speaks in His word all the time. Pastor C reminded me not to be hard of heart in anything - even in relationships and not just hard of heart against the salvation gospel of God. For even as we think our hearts have been softened, complacency works against us, not for us.
Thank God that He speaks to us as a faithful, merciful, gracious and loving God. Thank God that He is to be feared in His mighty power and yet to be loved in His great mercy.
To Him be the glory and honour and power indeed!
Too tired. Too disappointed. Too upset. Too angry. Why do Christians act this way when non-Christians act so much better? When non-Christians can act more responsibly and less self-centredly?
Praying for strength. Praying for peace. Praying above all that we don't stray.
No energy other than to work, to live day to day with wife. We'll have to continue to fight to make our stand. So no blogging till then. I don't have the words to express my anger. As I told my wife, I'm not bitter.
That'll only come tonight when everything sinks in.
This week is just packed.
1. Monday - wife went to pick up grad gown and then went her cousin's place to visit after dinner. Reached home 10 odd 11.
2. Tuesday - Dinner at home. Then talked to mum about possibly living apart. Was ok but not good. Praying that we'll have the determination to insist we live apart even if they face financial issues. Too much is at stake right now.
3. Wednesday - Adult Meeting later. Estimated time home - 2300 hrs.
4. Thursday - Meeting a contractor and buying stuff from J8. Estimated time home - 2230 hrs.
5. Friday - Outing with DG. Estimated time home - 2300 hrs.
6. Saturday - Appt with Chinese doc at 11 am. Children's church at 5pm.
Thank God we can sleep a bit more on Saturday. But not much more... *sigh* Must pray for strength and health. We aren't getting enough rest and our coughs aren't getting better.
Read this article on Today Online:
The Great Mall of China: haven for the rich, dream for the poor
Pay special attention to the very astute caption on the picture. And read about the differing approaches to life, the very different scales of finances and lifestyles of the people on both ends of the spectrum.
And think about the aunties and uncles who clean up after you when you leave a washroom in the modern, clean building where you shop every week. Think about how they feel as they clear up the messes you make. Spare them a thought, some appreciation, and if you can do it, some prayer. Though I'm definitely guilty of not doing the last bit so far.
But it's worth a thought.
Oh, and if you can afford to shop at such places, your income level's already considered quite high. As compared to that same auntie.
It's been a turbulent weekend... Highs and lows abound.
Friday was a good day - work ended early and we were able to really relax over dinner, and then went to attend church. Got to know quite a few more people before the service. The service itself was a little watered down in my opinion - it was more of a practical "how to parent or guide teenagers" session, without much reference to what the Bible says about parenting. I guess one good book to read on that would be "Fatherhood: what it is and what it's for" by Tony Payne. Available from ARPC bookends or Matthias Media. Anyhow, Rev. John Ting usually comes up with more Biblically linked material than this, and I won't say I'm too disappointed ;) cos his sermon did dredge up quite a few issues from my own past, and some that would affect a decision made over the weekend.
Friday night ended off very well - we picked up our Jesus for Skeptics tracts which Eileen (Thanks dearie - if you ever read this) had cheerfully procured for us. We've got about 90 tracts left, so if you need any, please let me know. It's free to anyone who wants one. We also met up with Huiqing and Yifen who introduced us to their circle of friends. Let's see... Sandra, Anne, Shaun... My memory sucks man. I'm sure I forgot someone's name. And got someone's name wrong. Wee Seng joined us for a bit too.
As my wife and I travelled home, somehow we got around to discussing my wife's parents with whom we're staying currently. We've been thinking of asking them to stay apart from us in our new place for a little while now. And it all stemmed from the fact that her dad's character and mine clash. Not to mention that we don't agree with a lot of what they do especially where parenting is concerned. To say more is to be rude and would be unfair to them, so no other details will be posted here other than what you read.
Saturday was a day for banking and Ikea shopping. Suffice it to say that my wife and I had problems communicating alongside a lack of sleep, and I had a perfectly nasty temper. It wasn't a good day at all. We ended off the day ok, patching things up and deciding on a few things we want from Ikea, but it wasn't a day I'd like to repeat again in the near future. Courting couples be warned - communication is something you have to keep working on. Pride is something that gets in the way of communication. And tact is needed even more for someone that you love. Don't take any of that for granted.
Sunday we went to Gain City. We asked her parents along partly to see if we had been too sensitive about our interaction with them. We got the budget for aircons and met Grace and Lincoln from ARPC who were also looking for electronics. We also chose another fridge to target which was bigger and used less energy than our original idea.
And I almost quarreled with her dad again. Something quite small - he insisted we use the old washing machine of theirs. I insisted we buy. And finally I gave up and said "We've decided." He tried to say more but my wife said "We've decided." He still insisted he's right and I said "We've decided."
Looking back I'm not proud of the way I handled it. But it's been really quite stressful to try to keep quiet while not obeying and I'm not the kind to say "yah yah" and then turn around and do it my way. I either say what I mean or I don't say anything. And that kind of thing only goes so far.
Had dinner with my friend who's about to get married and his fiancee. Had quite a good time, really. And then we went home to talk some more. And my wife blurted out... "If I hadn't met you, I think I won't have even learnt to do things myself."
Disclaimer: NO CREDIT TO ME. I've changed immensely since knowing her as well, and we've both changed by God's grace, especially when we both finally understood what He's done through Christ. But it highlighted what John Ting had just gone through - we, being married, being adults, were still being treated as teens. And more significantly, worse than teens, if John Ting's sermon was any gauge. And we're married!
We can't learn to do things for ourselves - simple homemaking stuff including ironing, washing the floor and things as such. Before I moved in with them, I was doing it for myself, but not often enough. With her parents, they're so caring that they think that the best way to care would be to make sure we don't do any housework. And even as we try to chip in, it becomes glaringly obvious that with the time that they spend at home, it'd be better if we didn't get involved. Sometimes, they do work and yet come home to do the housework and even cook up a meal no matter how tired we are. Not that we don't appreciate that - but we can't learn if we aren't given the room to learn. What better way than to stay alone and do things for ourselves? When we learn to manage despite long working hours, the rest would follow. What's more significant is the decision to have children. My wife wants to stay home to take care of the kids - and without the ability, it'd be difficult to learn on the job. And her parents don't approve and think we're shortchanging ourselves by limiting ourselves to plan with only one income. One of the reasons that we decided to put off having children till her parents move out.
But the decision to stay apart is one that we find hard to broach especially with the sensitive nature of her father. Please pray for wisdom and tact in this area. Additionally, we have to trust that God will take care of them on a long term basis - we'll meet them once a week but we will still worry about their health. But in the same way that we want to be let go to learn to live, the same has to be said of them - they're older adults than us for crying out loud. And some things will have to be taught by God, not us. We're not God. We can't do everything.
Not to mention that my wife and I feel very depressed that it's come to this. Especially when we thought that we could invite them to stay with us. But as events unfold, it seems near impossible to do so without bad quarrels or some compromise on what we learn from God's word, to live as His children, to live as joint heirs.
Please, if anyone has time, do pray for us. Thanks in advance.
Finally back at work after a relaxing time of learning and understanding just how sinful I am - just look at me during buffet times during church camp. Also spent a few days with my parents and talked to them quite a bit about plans for the future. They seem to be more accepting that I follow Christ - my dad helped me fill in a form and stopped short of writing Christian under religion because he "didn't know how to spell it". I somehow feel a bit of pity for him - his son, against his wishes decided on something and now he can't bear to write it down in black and white even though he knows it's truth.
Didn't manage to talk to them much about Christ though... sigh. And ended up quarreling a bit with my dad just before we left KL... over some small issues. Sometimes I wonder just how come I can't watch my tounge or my temper.
It was at least a good time of learning at the church camp in Marriott Putrajaya. On the heels of that, sinning against God despite knowing who I'm supposed to be makes me feel even more ashamed. I just WISH I could spend more time with my parents to make things right.
What to do. They're in KL now. And my wife's parents also want to spend time with us. Decisions decisions.
Shan't write much on what we learnt from the camp right now - I'm in office after all. But one thing worth noting is that career really isn't something we should aim for. Joshua was one brave man. I'm sure he knows how many toes he steps on when he says what he says. It just helps however, to know that Joshua's not speaking for himself. He's just saying what God said - as an interpreter, but a very clear one.
A friend of mine just messaged me last night with a truimphant "I got WoW haha".
For the unenlightened, that's World of Warcraft for you. One of the biggest most popular (to be) MMORPGs (Massively Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game) on the market currently, it's based on the idea of role playing in the Warcraft realm. For those who are not corrupted by the dark side (or light side - ie you don't play computer games), that's like mega woohoo greatness where you can immerse yourself as a character in the cyber world of one of the world's most successful strategy games. Probably if they come up with a World of Starcraft, that might become a bigger rival.
Anyhow, two thoughts arose - my PS2 already takes up so much time that I need to pray to stop being addicted, which means no WoW for me. The second thought was a lot longer and goes like this.
Imagine a computer game - a role playing game - whereby you immerse yourself into a cyber world. (Think Sims, or your favourite fantasy novel.) As you develop your character or persona, your end point is to become stronger, to learn more, to grow in your knowledge and experience. However, there's a catch - you don't have a clear mission. You have to find out things for yourself.
Someone tells you, there's only one mission you have to complete - and that's to listen to instructions from one "deity". Just follow the instructions whatever they may be - and they involve following a set of precepts which are by nature telling you to be good to other players and accept the deity as your liege lord. This "deity" says that this gaming world will undergo a massive deletion at some point - you don't know what point - and one day you may just log in and find your level 100 warrior gone. Along with all the weapons that you took 5 days and nights with only food and toilet breaks to fight for. The deletion will be simply based on a set of rules - any broken, you'll get deleted. However, just listen to Him, and you'll live when the deletion comes. Believe in Him and you won't get deleted. He won't give you a date but it's really up to you, the gamer. He even provides a user manual that describes who He is - it's easily accessible, and you just have to read it. And believe it.
What's more, even if you've been following none of His laws before you read the manual and decide to commit to Him, that's alright. Once you really do believe, you'll be ok. He won't delete your character. And you can make mistakes - He might take you to task and you would face punishment. But He won't delete your character.
No other "deity" or mission has this deletion clause.
What would YOU do?
*Note - it's not a complete analogy but it does highlight certain human characteristics when faced with a choice that says "My way or the highway".
We've booked our flat in Teban Gardens and are now waiting for the keys (3 months time). Whoopee! Thank God we have a HDB flat to stay in and may even have the luxury of staying alone for 2 months before her parents actually join us. :)
Wife and I are seriously considering the walk in flats at Teban Gardens. By Wednesday we may be putting down our deposit of 2000 bucks to confirm that we want that particular unit.
It faces a mosque, but the coffee shop owner downstairs says it's not noisy. There's a multi storey carpark between us and the mosque. We'll be on the 5th or 6th floor, facing the carpark but just nicely clearing the max height. What's more our unit will overlook a little roof garden.
The entire area is very laidback, quiet. Amenities are ok. The wet market and hawker center are very old which means it's established (ha ha). When we went on Sunday though, our parents expressed their misgivings - there were Malays everywhere we went and they expressed the possibility of racial problems. We don't see that as an issue as Bible-believing Christians. The Muslims aren't more or less sinful than anyone else. Price of the 5 room flat is affordable, and we are looking forward to making that unit ours.
Please comment if you know anything about Teban Gardens and the surroundings before Wednesday - so it can help us make a decision. Thanks in advance!
Not a very nice title for a topic that's not very nice.
Just had a conversation with my colleagues... One of them was expressing his surprise that there were a few "ang mohs" or Westerners who were actually in the temple that he went to over the weekend.
Not surprising, really, I replied. Too many people in the West have been disillusioned by what they view as false Christianity (that is, bad behaviour put on by Christians) and hypocrisy that they've decided to look elsewhere to try to resolve that need for God. For example, the popular Hare Krishna movement, originating from Hinduism, was actually popularized by America's hippies in the 60s and 70s. And the West seems really caught up with what we see as a way of life, but to them is the answer to all their worries - peace, meditation, etc in the forms of Buddhism and so on.
The whole group went on to discuss what Buddhism really was meant to be, and how one of the popular sects made it religious by introducing idol worship. And how popular religions are made by their followers and not their actual tenets.
And one of us went on to say "Religion is a very sensitive topic". I pipped in, "Actually, only if you mention Islam or Christianity. The rest of them aren't in any way considered sensitive." And he replied "Religion is really about what you think is right for yourself. You don't have to (or you shouldn't - translated from the Chinese "Ni bu yong qu") believe everything about it."
The discussion didn't come up with anything really spectacular. But some of us just continue to take refuge in the fact that so long as we feel ok about something it's then the right thing to do. Or that religion is about what works for you. Or religion is a crutch. Or you take what works for you from each religion so that you can move on in the world. And so we keep lying and blundering, blaming our luck and our circumstances for everything bad, and patting ourselves on the back for everything good. For religion isn't important after all.
God in Christ shows that Chrisitianity should never be about religion. It should never be about getting on in this world. And that the very nature of Christianity - salvation in Christ - is the one thing that IS of any importance in this world. And once we lie successfully to ourselves that all that isn't important - and worse, think of Christianity as just another religion - that's where we form a mental block and let Satan do his work in us. For we continue to be our own rulers, choosing what's right or what's bright. We continue to deny that there is a God and we continue to deny His good and complete work in Christ. We even lie to ourselves that Chrisitianity is just another religion and that once we DO something about it, we're ok. We're fine. We just continue to live like the world till it doesn't work for us anymore.
Sigh. I'm not even sure what's my point. I'm just saddened and see the further need to really live a life that is different. How difficult is that? Greatly so. Yet for the glory of God's name, the God who had mercy on me and all our brethren under Christ's church, I still have to depend on Him and keep trying.
God help us all.
Well, nothing much to really update here. Some major stuff has been happening but it's part and parcel of the choices we make in the hope of our salvation. Not much you can really say about that!
Met Barnabas over the weekend at church - and have to say that I was embarassed and yet honoured (yes, Barn, I meant it!) to have him take a look at me and then go "HAMSTER!". Before you get mistaken, I LOVE the name "hamster" (look at the URL) but I was a little mortified that someone actually does pay attention to my blog in any way. Honoured too. Having said that, even though I already exercise some care with what I write, I'll be slightly (at least) more careful from now on.
Hrr hrr.
And last but not least, someone in my office whom I was talking about God to has been fired. Suddenly. Yesterday afternoon, we were lunching together. It seems that after lunch, at about 3pm, she was told to take a month's pay and leave. That was at least fair - but I'm still shocked. She's also shocked. I came into office today wondering where she was. I only knew about 10ish when my colleague was told because he wanted to call her.
Now that's good morale management for you. It wasn't even made known to the company - just the upper echelons.
Need to pray for a lot of things - her father also happens to just have been diagnosed with something quite bad. Compound that with the fact that her father and mother are in China.
Sad state of affairs.
Please pray for cooler heads to prevail, and that loss of life will be avoided in this latest conflict. I honestly don't want to take sides as I've never fought in the Sino-Japan wars, and I don't have any relatives who suffered from it who want to talk to me about it. I only know for sure that pride is a big killer...
*Sigh*
The latest news to hit the road - and which everyone is blogging about - the casinos in Singapore.
I think too many people have had too much to say at this stage already. We may be angry, upset, worried about what is to happen now that we know of the decision. But to be perfectly honest, does the Bible have anything to say about this?
1st Peter does have something to say - that we are to live as strangers in this world. The Bible is also full of the examples of sin that we as man will display in our wilful indifference to God's instructions. The Bible also says that we should submit to the authority of the rulers (very apt for Singapore's case).
What then should we do in response? As we already know the sinfulness of man, and how bad things can get especially in our modern, cosmopolitan city-state with regard to how we conduct ourselves, we should be mentally prepared for the greater challenges that will follow. If we have children, how will we educate them? How will we deal with gambling addicts in love? etc.
How will we spread the gospel?
I tend to see this as a possible way in which God will work. After all, the setting up of the casinos is just a simple admission that we're horribly sinful and we're willing to go to any means to be rich. But with the influx of problems, knowing that God is sovereign, it might just result in a Ruth-case - where through something seemingly bad or catastrophic, something good will happen - the birth of Christ in that eventuality of Ruth.
Before the casino was set up, if there had been a referendum, we should have done our duty to say we do not support. As it is, the body of churches did what they should have done - to write in to express disapproval and discomfiture. Should the church have fought? Not more than it did - we are a church of God of the kingdom in our hearts and the kingdom that is to come. We are not to become troublemakers, not to go against the law of the land. Now the casino is a hard and fast fact. If there's room for us to lawfully express our disapproval, we should take it. But even in that event, we still should be focussing on the gospel of God being taught to those around us, rather than decide to move out, or complain endlessly.
I summarize my point here: Before the decision was made on the casino, any dissent brought to the attention of the Cabinet would have been good. After the decision is made, we should now focus instead on how we can best spread the gospel in the circumstances provided by the fact of the casino.
Perhaps in the next election we should not vote PAP. But having said that, what IS an alternative? Which group is more "Christian" or less "Christian" than them? Do we just vote another party just because? I don't know, but until another group is more viable, I personally won't be hasty to choose another party. Yes it's about being pragmatic, but we have to work with what we have. Would any other group be more godly in their actions than the PAP?
Having said that, I'm a Malaysian. Who am I to say anything.
Knowing that God is in control gives me some comfort despite worrying and joking about what may happen. But the way I see it, when we're faced with our sins more and more, when our sins are not the subtle ones, then we find more reason to look at ourselves and how ugly we really are. How hypocritical can you be when faced with your debts? How complacent can you be when crime is on your doorstep?
We need to pray for wisdom for our rulers, and for the situation in Singapore. But above all, where can we run to where sin will not follow? God's kingdom - heavenward.
Without going into too much detail, the Lord has been merciful and my wife and I now know that we do hunger for children inside. And if it weren't for the circumstances we're in, we'd pray to have some little ones as early as sometime next year.
As it is, I've overcome my fear of the fragility and lovability of little ones who don't even know what they're talking about. Their high pitched piping voices even when crying can be a great source of joy - that is, unless they're 5 years old and insisting you buy them THAT toy, no other, just THAT one, they'd rather die without it.
*Sigh*
Child-raising has so many challenges... but I really think wife and me feel a lot emptier knowing that we might not even have had a chance to have at least one little tot. Praise God that through His patient unfolding of events... we now know that for sure.
Based on a link provided by Gunblad3 which was provided by Barn which was provided by Sern Khoon...
1: Baptist (Reformed/Particular/Calvinistic) (100%)
2: Presbyterian/Reformed (85%)
3: Congregational/United Church of Christ (82%)
4: Seventh-Day Adventist (72%)
5: Baptist (non-Calvinistic)/Plymouth Brethren/Fundamentalist (68%)
6: Anglican/Episcopal/Church of England (45%)
7: Pentecostal/Charismatic/Assemblies of God (44%)
8: Anabaptist (Mennonite/Quaker etc.) (43%)
9: Church of Christ/Campbellite (36%)
10: Lutheran (36%)
11: Methodist/Wesleyan/Nazarene (29%)
12: Eastern Orthodox (25%)
13: Roman Catholic (25%)
Hey. I'm not orthodox ok.
Welcome to my blog's new home. Had a variety of bad experiences with my last webhost, least of which was at least an hour of downtime per week which may not be critical to my purposes but led to a lot of inconvenience. When I couldn't post my photos for Children's Church for 3 weeks due to some changes on the server, with a lot of emails back and forth with the webhost provider, they finally gave up and resorted to the TNC whereby they need not promise to solve anything for me. I didn't retaliate - I just decided to shift out slowly.
Gunblad3 - I didn't see your comment until today because I was doing the backup todae :P so anyone is free to link to me. I don't believe that I'll be that popular that my bandwidth will be consumed. More importantly, I'm not putting this on the web for any other purpose than to try to have a repository of articles I can refer to when I need them - even if some of them are written by me!
Wife and I used to subscribe to the revered magazine known as National Geographic. With some degree of pain and an ever larger degree of inevitability, we decided to drop our subscription last December (ie let the Feb expiry date lapse) and instead pay for the Briefing from Matthias Media instead. (Why inevitability? We have limited funds and limited time to read)
Naturally Nat Geog, that all-time wonderful institution so focussed on research, on bringing out our past, on issuing scientific articles, felt that as a valued member, we were already one of them, the Nat Geog supporters, and they expressed their surprise - a few times - that we had not renewed our subscription. In fact, if we were to renew it NOW, we'd have priority of subscription - that is, that our supply of Nat Geog won't be interrupted.
So nice of them to see me as a Valued Member! They even put on the letter heading: "Dear Valued Member". The envelope and billing name was addressed to me, or I'm sure they'd address my wife as "Dear Valued Member" too!
Thank God that He knows us by name, and that once we subscribe to His great love and the salvation offered by His Son's body broken on the cross, we need not renew our subscription day by day. Thank God that we are now Dear Valued Members of His kingdom - and that we have real names.
Been quite busy living the Christian life nowadays. Really have a lot of comments and issues, but no time to put them down.
Just that as we live our lives out, realising just how horrible we are, we shouldn't forget that we ARE forgiven, and that the scale of God's forgiveness and mercy on us through Christ really should underline how helpless we are, and how we are to depend on Him for everything.
An excellent discourse on divorce and marriage - and a good example of how to read contextually from the Word. Based on a dream, but not in the way you think of it.
Comments anyone?
Attended the talk by Michael Raiter yesterday. This talk was titled "Were you there... in the Garden?" Referring to the Garden of Gethsemane. Passage taken from Luke 22:39 - 46.
First most important lesson learnt: BRING A NOTEBOOK!!!
The session was presided over by Rev. Andrew Ong (ex-ARPC now leading Bethany), and the song ministry was from Bethel Presby Centre. A summary of the session as follows:
1. Music / Song worship
The deacon (Chris Lee I think) was very... well, one of the first few things that he did was to read a psalm that exalted singing as a form of worship. Song worship was disturbing to me at least - it was structured rigidly with a specific purpose for each song. We easily sang about 10 songs - or at least we were encouraged to sing about 10 songs. I didn't sing all of them simply because I didn't feel it was right or necessary. *Shrug*
Nothing wrong with rigidity. Nothing wrong with having specific songs for specific purposes. I mean, there was song of praise, a song of adoration, a song of worship, a song of response, a song of offertory, etc. Uh. Yeah. Well, nothing intrinsically wrong with that. But it should have been explained why such a "ritualistic" form of singing. I don't believe that just because the Bible said that we should sing as part of our joy and life worship, we then have to have a structured form of singing. There is a large inherent danger that such a style of song ministry may become too, well, song-centered, rather than Gospel centered.
2 things really really disturbed me on top of that - which only highlights the danger of focussing on song only.
i. A song was sung - by 2 people at that - in a grandoise manner - which kept me going "What is the Rose of Sharon?!" In the context of the song, titled very aptly "The Rose of Sharon", the Rose of Sharon probably was taken to mean Jesus, and how God took Him as close to God. After some discussion with friends, and hunting through the Bible, the only reference to the Rose of Sharon was in Song of Songs 2:1. Which in turn was taken by the NIV to be the female singer of the Song referring to herself. And even if you ignore the NIV's interpretation of that... the ESV version also seems to bear out this idea of a conversation between a lady and a man in love with each other. And this particular line seems to refer to the woman - so why ARE we singing and celebrating it?
ii. The responsive reading was done with the leader reading something not from the Bible and then the congregation would read something that seemed to support that statement that the leader had read. I found it weird as the danger of reading things out of context was very strong - and most of the statements made were generic statements of faith such as Jesus doing the 40 day test in the desert just as Elijah did.
A third, minor but still significant point was that of the 10 songs, at least 3 were "vapid", that is the content was so vague that if you took it and sang it to Buddha, it'd make no difference. Lots of happy happy joy joy content - which doesn't really bring you back to focus on God.
In summary, I wasn't used to it, and it really affected what was otherwise a very good sermon. And when things get taken out of context, you might turn a blind eye - right till someone stumbles in his/her faith.
2. Offering
The offering was conducted by the same deacon leading song worship. First time I felt really guilty about not giving. After all, if we don't let go of our money for the offering, then we're putting money above God. Never mind planned and prayerful offering. He says give, so that you show that God is more important than money.
... I didn't give and I don't think I should feel guilty especially since we actually set money aside for church at the start of every month. I also didn't give because I didn't want to give because someone shamed me into doing it. A la guilt trip so give money to the beggar on the street kind.
3. Sermon (finally!)
Good sermon. Mike Raiter starts off by pointing out some common injustices, illustrated powerfully by some of his own experiences. I'm sure everyone knows someone who was a nice guy and yet died young and suddenly. He then went on to injustice perceived in the Bible - eg Lot who throws his daughters to be raped by the men of Sodom and Gamorrah, and not perishing for such a horrible act. Or David who kills to sleep with someone else's wife, and doesn't die like Goliath did.
Mike Raiter points out from Romans 3 how God has set aside His wrath for the future in the OT, and how God has set aside His wrath for us in the past. He notes that God IS just - so when we question God's justice, God in His mercy decides not to punish Lot or David - or you or me. Instead, He chooses to use Jesus as His instrument that justice can be meted out.
Jesus prays to God - and I paraphrase from Rev Raiter - "Please God. You can do anything. Isn't there any other way?? Yet if there's no other way, then I shall do your will". He is under such stress that he feels like dying (Mark) and even then He prays for the disciples that they will not fall before Satan's wiles. His pain and agony even before going through what He knows He must go through is evident in His fervent prayer (3 times) and His words of stress.
Thus, God has mercy on us who deserve death by meting out His justice on Jesus. Indeed, the cross on which Jesus will die (looking at the Garden) is indeed where God's justice and mercy meet - justice that our sins will be or have been punished, and mercy in that we won't have to be consumed for our sins.
An excerpt from a response to Hwee's blog.
It's horribly difficult at times though. In a sense, I see church work as slightly less dichotomic - the world of Satan conspires to lull me and my wife into an area where we plot and plan our financial growth and ideas and how we can compromise our Christian beliefs. How so? Our non-Christian relatives tell us not to believe in things too much, to only believe what works for us. Our Christian friends - potential leaders at that - strike up conversations over dinner about their work life and the money and how it's not enough and they wish they would work for this or that MNC that pays so much more than anything they earn. Everyone seems to be out to look for something that will stop that work stagnation - and sometimes I find myself suspecting if there's something wrong with the choices wife and me have made.
Why? Because if even Christians do it, then who are we, "new" in Christ, not so knowledgable in the word to say that they are wrong? So if they're not wrong, are we to follow them? And if they're right, then aren't we wrong? Are we listening to God's word manifested in man, or disobeying Him by insisting that our interpretation of work and how we should view it wrong? What about housing? Food? What if I lose my job? What happens if I lose my job when my wife decides to resign and we go on one income for the kids?
So many concerns - and we have to keep fighting to keep our eyes on God and keep fighting to persevere in Christ. Keep reminding ourselves that God provides, that money cannot be our security if God is, that we MUST keep the word as the authority in our lives.
So... good for me? I don't know... All I know is that it's really really difficult when all my elders are either non-Christians or Christians who don't attend church and accuse ARPC of being charismatic if they play live band music. And also when I attend PLT and then sit down over lunch to hear potential leaders discuss how they want to look for companies that pay BIG - just after a talk on how we have to keep our security in Christ and lead holy lifes if we lead DGs.
Good? Great? Difficult more like. But keep reminding myself to read the word, to keep focussing on what God has promised us, not what man has promised ourselves.
Going through a sudden period of something like hopelessness. My parents aren't Christian, and sometimes it seems they'll never be. Wife and me thinking of housing, and when I start becoming encouraged that we're headed down the right track by not focussing on money and what others believe as our security, some things happen that make me doubt even the faith that I have. How to go into full time ministry when my great fear is that my parents will never understand why?
Please read this disclaimer first.
Setting Hearts on Fire III - John Chapman
What is Apostolic Ministry: Acts 20:17ff
Chappo starts off this session by noting that Paul is the Gentile's apostle. (I happen to agree, though I never saw it that way before. Just look at all the epistles!) Thus, when confronted with the issue about apostles in our present day Gentile context, Chappo notes that we DO have an apostle - Paul, who was specifically sent to the Gentiles to spread the good news and establish churches amongst Gentile nations.
(I don't happen to know what apostolic ministry actually means - I take it from what I heard from Chappo that apostolic ministry is basically ministry modelled after the apostles, and following the footsteps of the apostles. In our case, we have Paul to model our ministry on. Refer to Acts 20:24. Please correct me if I'm wrong.)
1. Paul's way of life was transparent. (v.17 - 20)
Paul used the phrase "You know" when talking to the elders of Ephesus, thus declaring that his behaviour and actions had been public and on display for others to see. It is established clearly that he preached the gospel of Christ (v.21) and of the kingdom of God (v.25).
2. Paul's perseverance in ministry (v.22 - 24)
Paul's perseverance is most clearly noted from earlier studies as well as his drive to go to Jerusalem to continue his course and ministry despite the threat of imprisonment and afflictions. It is noteworthy that the ministry that he had received from Jesus is to testify to the gospel of the grace of God.
Thus, the gospel is about grace - the grace of God. Paul's whole life and ministry was focussed on testifying to this, or talking about and teaching this gospel of God's grace. As this gospel is the word of God, we as Christians can take heed that to grow, we have to grow backwards - back to the Bible.
3. Same Lord - same gospel (v.25 - 27)
Paul had been proclaiming the kingdom of God (v.25) - and he also noted that that IS the whole counsel of God (v.27). Thus, the gospel is that of the kingdom of God, is that of God's grace (v.24), is that of God. Repentance toward God, and faith in our Lord Jesus Christ for Jew and Greek (Gentile) alike (v.21) is the way of beginning in Christ - and by Paul's declaration of the same gospel throughout his ministry to the point of death, this is also the way that we should continue in our Christian lives.
Thus, repentance and faith is how we begin our journey in Christ - and also the way we continue.
Chappo brought up another point from v.20. Paul taught in public and from house to house. Translated into our modern day terms, he was pastoring (house to house) and also preaching (public). Yet, Paul mentioned that he testified to the same thing, or taught the same thing whether it was pastoring or preaching. Paul taught the word or the gospel of God, whether it was public or private, Jew or Greek. This is worth noting - that pastoring or preaching, the content should be the same, namely the word and gospel of God.
In that light, pastoring then doesn't equate to counselling. Vaughn Roberts covers this in another section of MM.
4. The challenge (v.28 - 30)
Pay careful attention to yourselves and to all the flock, in which the Holy Spirit has made you overseers...
The first thing that we can pick up from here is that ministers have to keep watch over themselves and to the flock. Thus, the minister has to watch out for error (in teaching) as well as sin. Chappo noted that ministers should take heed of themselves (in action) as well as in doctrine. He and Chris both noted that as a good reminder, just keep in mind: "Better than us have fallen".
The next thing to note is that the Holy Spirit has made us overseers. Thus, the significance of the overseer is not from what he does - it's what God has made the overseer! Personal note here is not to get too big-headed (hey Sern Khoon. The HS made me do it!!)
Chappo picked up from Chris and noted at this juncture that ministers have to be on their guard as well. False teachers tend to make us feel dissatisfied with life in Christ - and these false teachers may very well rise from the "trusted" group of overseers as well. (cf v.30 - among yourselves) Glory will come in heaven (v.32 - "the inheritance among all those who are sanctified") and not now in this world.
5. The persistent pastor (v.31 - 35)
Paul never ceased for "three years" to "admonish everyone with tears". His passion for the people and his love for the flock is evident through this! His persistence is seen through "night or day" and for the three years that he was with the church of Ephesus (whose elders he was addressing).
Thus persistence and true love for the flock is necessary for any minister of any congregation.
Please read this disclaimer first.
Setting Hearts on Fire II - John Chapman
The Content of Christian Ministry : 2 Cor 4:5
1. The Method of Ministry - Preaching
For what we proclaim is not ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, with ourselves as your servants for Jesus' sake.
The teaching of the Bible is at the heart of ministry. This is implicit in 2 Cor 4:5 - for Paul and Timothy alike proclaim Jesus Christ as Lord. The very act of proclamation is then at the heart of ministry.
Thus by extension, what are some things that can weaken preaching? The incompetence of the preacher is one such factor, but the reasons that people go to church for are just as possible culprits. If someone decides to go to church for the worship or even the fellowship and not to listen to God's word, then this definitely will weaken the impact of the message on the person to whom Jesus Christ is being proclaimed.
2. The Message of Ministry - Jesus Christ as Lord
What then is being proclaimed? "Jesus Christ as Lord" - but what does that mean? One common misconception is that Jesus Christ is the full name, with Christ as the family name. However, in the Jewish context, this would be wrong. Jesus was His name, Christ or Messiah his title. And as Lord? As God. Thus rephrased, Jesus the Christ is God.
(i) Jesus is King and Ruler and Judge - Psalm 2
Psalm 2 refers to "the Lord" and "his anointed" in verse 2. This same "anointed" one is also referred to as the Son in verses 7 and 12. Cross reference the manner in which God calls Jesus His Son during Christ's baptism in Matthew 3:17 and Mark 1:11. All this only serves to point to Jesus Christ as the anointed one, the Son, the King.
What then does that mean? Referring to verses 6 and 9, the King is given absolute power over the nations. In fact, the very terminology of the psalm can be rephrased as such - the King mentioned here is the absolute ruler and king over all. Come to terms with him and be blessed, or fight against him - and be destroyed.
How do we know more conclusively that this King isn't King David or King Solomon - the other great kings of Israel? In Psalm 71, David has already concluded he's not THE king, asking for God's continued protection in his old age. In Psalm 72, David goes on to ask God to grant his son, Solomon, all the traits of THE king. As we know, Solomon wasn't able to fulfill that role either.
By Isaiah 11, as the monarchy of Israel declines, the promise of an absolute ruler rises - "the root of Jesse".
This then equates Jesus with the fact that He is the King spoken of in Psalm 2. What then, is the significance of that? Chappo highlighted this with an example that I don't remember now but the gist of it was that "It's not whether we are made to fear God. Is there instead something to fear when we take Jesus on?"
(ii) Jesus is Saviour - see 1 Sam 8:5, 7 - 19, 1 Sam 11 ff
Having established that Jesus is King, what was the purpose of a king for Israel? 1 Sam 8 refers to a king chosen to fight battles and to rule and to judge the people. In the same light, 1 Sam 11 refers to the king (Saul) as a saviour. All this was subject to the fact that the Lord's Spirit would be upon the chosen king of that time (cf when the Spirit left Saul 1 Sam 16:14).
Thus, if Jesus is King, then he will also be rescuer, judge and ruler.
(iii) Summary - Luke 1:68ff
Zechariah the father of John the Baptist gave this speech, prophesying about Jesus and John. He names Jesus as the horn of salvation, and says that John will be the prophet of the Most High, going before the Lord to prepare his ways.
What does this actually mean? Jesus the King is also the Messiah, the Christ. Thus, trusting in the Lord or the King isn't just about just being trusting. We should respond with repentance (forgiveness of sins) and trust (as Zechariah implies in his impassioned speech) in Jesus as Christ.
However, all this only notes that Jesus is the Messiah, the promised one (King and Christ). How then do we know that He is Lord, or God? Chappo points to Isaiah 9 (specifically v.6) noting that the son is equated with Mighty God, Everlasting Father. John 5:18 also records for us that the Jews recognised that if Jesus called himself the Son, with God as His father, He effectively equated Himself with God! Thus, we know that Jesus Christ, the Son of God is also Lord, and Christ.
Thus, Jesus Christ the Lord - the main content of ministry.
3. The Mode of Christian Ministry - "Slaves for Christ's sake!"
Paul called himself and Timothy slaves for Christ's sake. What is the significance of that? To answer that, what do slaves actually do? They serve their masters' needs - so what then does that mean in practical terms for a minister?
Proclaiming Christ as a slave for others then means that the truth must be spoken, and should be spoken in a way that makes it easy for the listener to understand the message. One good application of this would be to ask if the congregation or the listeners are to get used to you and your idiosyncracies or whether it should be the other way round. Keeping in mind, of course, that the truth should still be spoken, and not watered down just for the sake of the listener!
Spent last evening with my MM file, my laptop, and dinner at The Coffee Connoisseur. Wife was meeting up with some friends who weren't comfortable with me around as they wanted some female talk. So I just grabbed my file and went down to Millenia Walk's TCC where I first fell in love with their Raspberry Latte.
Titbit of info - I had my first Raspberry Latte (with the capitals) at TCC Millenia when I was waiting for then fiancee to attend a friend's wedding at Pan Pacific to which I wasn't invited. Now when I pass any TCC outlet, the saliva comes to my mouth. Raspberry Latte is simply a layer of raspberry syrup, a layer of nutty rich coffee, a layer of steamed milk, a layer of foam topped with some pistachio sprinkles. Whoever concocted that up should have been shot - it's one of those things that make my fingers twitch. I actually get really disappointed when too much syrup is put, or not enough coffee is in. And that's saying a lot - my coffee is usually yummy or not. This one has to be PERFECT - harkening back to that first cup that made my eyes shoot open in neural overload.
Anyhow. It was a "quite perfect" Raspberry Latte, a Coconut Curry Chicken Chop (CCCC but scored an A in flavour), followed by lots of water, and when I couldn't stand it any longer, a Panna Cotta (vanilla mousse - my wife sez - infused with lemon with a strawberry on top, and some fruits by the side. Very yummy, but not really my cup of tea, so to speak).
Why am I mentioning all this? Because in the space of one night, God blessed me with all this yummy stuff (it also burned a hole in my pocket, but it still feels good even now), but He also helped me to complete 2 MM summaries which are now resting on my laptop to be gone over again, given a final edit, and then posted here. Note - TWO. Both by Chappo. AND on top of that, my wife had the panna cotta when she came over to find me, so she was happy too. And she gave me quite a happy peck when she came over, so I'm happy too.
...
That last was too much info huh.
Thank God for peseverance. I was actually on Panadols yesterday with a bad headache, which remanifested itself when we got home, and I crashed into bed feeling quite crummy. Wife had to put up with a bit of temper from me (bad me) but we survived to read the Bible (1 Cor now) and she prayed for us both before we fell asleep. But nonetheless, another day, another day of blessing in His love and grace encapsulated in the cross on which Christ died.
Another day of trying to be less sinful especially where my temper is concerned. Someone please pray for me yeah.
Please read this disclaimer first.
Setting Hearts on Fire I - John Chapman
The Nature of Christian Ministry : 2 Corinthians 4:1-6
1. We do not lost heart (v.1)
"Therefore, having this ministry by the mercy of God, we do not lose heart."
- The great incentive - God's Mercy
- The great tempation - to lose heart
(i) God's mercy
What is the mercy of God that is mentioned by Paul? This mercy is evident on the road to Damascus, where Paul was met by the Lord and told to be His servant. (Acts 8) Paul constantly reminds others that he was once a great sinner - persecuting Christ and His people as a Pharisee. Yet God chose Him to become a child of Christ, AND a mouthpiece to spread the gospel.
Paul points out the glory of ministry in 2 Cor 3, and he is a mouthpiece of such a glorious ministry! What a privilege indeed - for one of the worst sinners ever.
(ii) Why does he not lose heart?
As Paul has put it, he does not lose heart because of God's mercy. In fact, the very phrasing of his statement reveals the big temptation - to lose heart and be discouraged! Paul indeed has every reason to be discouraged. A list of his sufferings can be found in 2 Cor 11:21b - 29. Any such list would be enough to bowl any of us over in present day terms!
Yet Paul does not lose heart in ministry despite the tempation to do so. After all, the ministry that he is engaged in is one that brings life - the glory of which he speaks of in 2 Cor 3. Don't lose heart!
2. We have renounced (v.2)
"But we have renounced disgraceful, underhanded ways. We refuse to practice cunning or to tamper with God's word, but by the open statement of the truth we would commend ourselves to everyone's conscience in the sight of God."
(i) Negatively - what has he renounced?
Paul mentions the renunciation of disgraceful, and underhanded ways, or secret and shameful ways. He refuses to resort to deception, or to distort the word of God. In other words, he rejects using showmanship, emotional manipulation or any such trickeries in order to get people to listen. He also refuses to lie about the word of God, or to bend the word in order to draw people near.
What is noteworthy as emphasized by Chappo is the idea of renouncing. When you renounce something, you don't just say "I don't want to do this." Renunciation carries with it the concept that you have considered the idea - and then rejected it. Paul is saying here that he HAS considered the idea of using tricks to get people to listen, but that he rejected it and put it behind him.
(ii) Positively - what does he do?
Paul instead sets forth the truth plainly ("open statement of the truth"). He teaches truthfully (as contrasted with deception).
Taking this as a whole, Chappo draws this distinction - If you have the ability or the power to move people, renounce it! The clear truth of the word of God, without any showmanship or tricks would be how we should teach the word of God. If we resort to tricks, chances are that the "converts" would be doing so due to the emotionally charged environment, or by being shamed into doing so. I'm not sure if Vaughn Roberts or Chappo brought this up as an example.
An evangelist (I'm relating the example) was giving a talk, and at the end of it, he invited people to come up to the front to pray. He told the congregation that they would sing a hymn, and as the hymn progressed, those who would be willing to come to know Christ better should make their way up to the front to accept Christ.
The evangelist ended the song early, noting that no one came up. He asked the listeners to stop fighting God, and just come up to the front. He went on to stop the hymn at every verse to exhort the listeners to give in to God - because no one came up!
I don't remember if Chappo or Vaughn mentioned if anyone ever went up. But even if they did, would they be saved?
Practical application - teach truthfully, and don't resort to other means just to get people to accept what you're saying from the word. Watering down the word would also be wrong.
3. We are totally dependent on God for results. (v. 4-6)
2Co 4:3 And even if our gospel is veiled, it is veiled only to those who are perishing.
2Co 4:4 In their case the god of this world has blinded the minds of the unbelievers, to keep them from seeing the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God.
2Co 4:5 For what we proclaim is not ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, with ourselves as your servants for Jesus' sake.
2Co 4:6 For God, who said, "Let light shine out of darkness," has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.
(i) What has the god of this age done?
Paul notes that the god of this world has blinded the minds of the unbelievers, the perishing.
(ii) What has God done?
In contrast, God has opened our blind eyes, that we can see the light of the gospel. This is done through the proclaiming, not of ourselves, but of Jesus Christ as Lord! Thus the preaching of Jesus Christ as Lord is the means through which God will open our blind eyes.
(iii) God is totally responsible for results. He will save all who are his.
Paul mentions in v.6 that God has made his light shine in our hearts - "to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ". Thus God is responsible for shining that light of knowledge of Christ! Conviction is completed through Christ, not man.
Chappo pointed out that the Greeks considered that we think with our hearts and feel with our minds - totally reversed in our scientific world today. Thus, if we replace the word "hearts" in verse 6 with "minds" as the Greeks would have used the word to represent our thinking organs...
"... has shone in our minds to give the light of the knowledge..."
God is responsible for results. Not even Paul claims to be responsible - he says that he is just a servant "for Jesus' sake".
I'm posting up consolidated thoughts from my MM experience in 2005.
Please note the following:
1. I'm posting my thoughts up as a consolidation of lessons I learnt. Please feel free to criticise what I learnt, but do NOT take it that what I put up here IS what John Chapman, Vaughn Roberts or Chris Chia actually intended to say, or teach.
2. If whatever I learnt is useful, or coincides with what was taught, then all praise to God and God bless the teachers for their clear, faithful teaching. No credit is due to me at all.
3. My primary reason for posting this is so that others who did not go to MM can get a taste for what was actually taught. Also, it's for me personally to have a repository to which I can refer easily and in an organised manner. I have created a separate sub category for MM 2005 - click on it to list all related articles.
4. If you do like what you read, pay to go for the next MM. Project Timothy is not a profitable organisation, but they DO need funds to continue the work of God. If they sell tapes, and you find all this useful, do show your support and buy them.
5. If you don't know what MM is, please click here and check out the Ministry Matters link.
Work's picking up, and while I don't necessarily have to do OT, the amount of brain juice used isn't exactly little. I'm dozing off at work at times despite rushing for something, and weekends are the best time to rest!
Having said that, thank God I still have sufficient energy for church and fellowship. Wife is a little bit neglected though... :| Have to keep praying to remember to focus on her no matter how tired I am.
Have completed consolidating one single session of Ministry matters, so will post that up first. Comments please, as usual...
Thanksgiving - wife still loves me, life still goes on, sun still rises, more chances to talk about Christ at work. Am still saved (yes, I tell myself this everyday), am still blessed to be chosen, am still a jerk... wait, that's true, but not something to be thankful about. Am still able to talk, walk, speak... etc etc. Can still study the word.
Sometimes I wonder why as humans we still expect more than the above. Including me. Note to self - count blessings. Count blessings again. Realise that I have more blessings than fingers and toes.
Be content.
Which means that I'll have a lot less to write about. And to think - my original intention of this blog was to first bring up any interesting articles on the ST - local news - to bring home the point that Christian living starts at home.
Sigh.
God willing, I'll have other things to write about :P
In other news, I'm still trying to consolidate my MM lessons, and I should! May God grant me the discipline to do it, for the sake of re-absorbing the notes, as well as to share it with other friends - for His eternal glory.
Wife and me ended up discussing and struggling with the issue - is there really unconditional love in that case?
Well, summary is yes. But if that discourages you from reading on (and please do, to point out the errors and unBiblical essences of my points), then don't read the summary. Oh oops, you already have. So read on, anyway!
I can only write from my point of view, thus all confusion is my own and all errors are mine. My wife has helped me iron out quite a few points already.
One thing I have / had a problem with is this: Unconditional love can exist alongside expectations. But if love is truly unconditional, where's the room for expectations?? I mean, it seems contradictory on its own...
What I came up with to make things clearer for myself is the following.
1. Unconditional love can exist without a relationship.
- We can love strangers on the street by giving up our seats for elder people, or helping someone pick up the stuff they dropped, without even a word of thanks in return
- God gave His only son to die for us on the cross even while we were sinners - "for He so loved the world". This expression of His love is unconditional on anything we did or can do.
2. A relationship has expectations
- When we get married, we expect that our spouses will sign on the dotted line, and will call us their wife/husband. When we have children, we expect / hope for their respect.
- Thus, a father can expect his son to call him father, but if the son refuses, and moves out, the relationship can break down, even tho they are still related to each other.
- God expects that we believe in what He has done for us through Christ dying on the cross, before we can have a relationship with Him.
3. But unconditional love can and should exist within a relationship
- Husbands should love their wives as themselves - that's pretty much saying love them no matter what.
- No matter what the children do short of disowning their parents, parents still love them.
- God loves us within the relationship just as He does without - He provides for us, cares for us, etc.
4. And unconditional love can also exist within a broken relationship
- Even if children disown their parents, the parents will still desire the best for them out of their love.
- God desires to see all of us saved - that's why Jesus Christ came. Even if we turn against Him after knowing Christ, He still keeps the option open for us to return to Him, when we repent. And He will forgive!
5. But a relationship can exist without love.
- Estranged couples who don't want to sign the divorce papers to spite each other
- Stepparents who abuse their stepchildren - because they're not their own flesh and blood.
- A manifestation of this world's sinfulness.
Thus, unconditional love itself has no expectations, but when a relationship is established, the expectations start!... At least that's what I gather now. And expectations and hopes should then be subject to being lowered when you truly understand the sinfulness of man, or changed to a different set.
Comments?
Hwee has a post on her site with certain issues about relationships. It didn't sit very well with me, and I puzzled over it for a while. In reply, I came up with the below.
Link to her post - Please read this first!
***********************
What is agape love, or love without expectations?
As your posted article (is it by Shadow?) puts it, agape love is "you truly can love someone very deeply and yet allow him complete freedom to respond to you in whatever way God leads him to respond".
Edit: - the posted article is NOT by Shadow. It's referring to "an article posted on NeonAngel's blog which refers to a post on another blog". My apologies to Shadow.
In turn, the expectation of agape love in our lives is one whereby we expect that no expectations are made of us. Sounds familiar, huh? "I believe that there is no one thing that we should believe in this world".
At the risk of being wrong, let me try to test my own understanding of the word in the pragmatic application sense.
***
In the very first place, no mention is made in the Bible of a lack of expectation. God's love carries a certain level of expectation, or rather hope, that we would for once, stop being so silly and rebellious and just listen to Him. That is why punishment by death is the result of not acknowledging Him as Lord, ie, that if we don't acknowledge Him, the sad fact of the matter is that death becomes expected.
Then, you say, Jesus Christ didn't die for all of us after all!
Salvation carries no expectation except belief, and that only by God's action. Thus, the entire action belongs to God - but that does carry with the dual authorship idea that being a Christian, we have then to work out that belief. If we waver in our belief to the point of rejection, or if we refuse to repent, or we only profess with our mouths, let's face it - we're just as good as not saved. This in turn raises the question of predestiny, but that's a story for another day.
Dual authorship, an idea I heard of first from Philip Jensen, is one that explains well the Christian walk. Philip Jensen's expository talks have been penned down by Tony Payne into a variety of books and articles. Pastor Jensen mentions in "Love Sex and Marriage" that he once was reading an article, and he agreed with every point. He was so impressed by it that he looked at the end of the article for the writer. Imagine his surprise when he realised that it was authored by "Philip Jensen and Tony Payne". Mr Payne had simply reiterated and refined Pastor Jensen's ideas in a different manner, carrying it across differently, but the essence of the article was exactly what Pastor Jensen had spoken about on that issue before.
In our Christian walk, this is similar. That we have a part to play, just as God has a part to play. In ministry, we do what we should do - pray, teach the word, walk the talk - and God takes care of the conversions. In essence, we find out what God tells us to do, and the actual way we carry it out doesn't really matter - so long as all the conditions are kept. Thus, there is an expectation that we'll respond accordingly to the truth of the word of God - even if we are convicted by the Holy Spirit, we can simply choose to deny it and walk away. Let's then look back at expectations.
I hope that by what I've said, I've established the idea of the lack of expectations is false. If even our relationship with God carries expectations (and we DO expect that God is faithful, loving etc, with evidence from the Bible as the basis of that expectation), then what less our expectations on this earth? The issue isn't then lack of expectation, but unfair expectation.
Imagine a deacon or a pastor that you love. Imagine then that church leader being seen in public holding hands with an unmarried (attractive maybe?) woman (or gasp! man). When confronted, the church leader admits to it and recants. And then a few days later, he is again seen hugging that other person.
What then, is the expected response of the church? At the same time, is that unfair expectation?
Our world is filled with ads of underdressed females and glaring males with six packs (abs, not beer!) in the media. Do we then expect our prospective partners to be like that to fulfill our sexual needs and keep us holy? Or is that unfair expectation?
On a milder, more pragmatic note, if we expect all our Christian friends to be entirely holy all the time, or even our church workers to be entirely holy, that's also very unfair expectation. We are all sinners - so why should anyone be any different? But repentance and humility are good traits to have, and to a certain level, is expected and hoped for. Disappointment occurs when expectation is not met, after all. I would be disappointed if any church staff were to step up to the stage and arrogantly talks about how he or she is holier and appointed by God.
And on that issue, if we expect God to be so loving that He would go against His own spoken word in order that none on this earth shall die, then we are making an unfair demand, and an unfair expectation is born. When disappointment comes out of this expectation, then faith wavers. In the same light, if we come to expect healing, wealth or 4D strikes from God, then when disappointed in our unfair expectations, again faith wavers. Highlighting the importance of faithful teaching from the word - so that unfair expectation is not born of untrue impressions.
In our active relationships with others, then, when we face disappointment, we need to check our expectations. Keeping in mind that we are all sinners, there isn't really much we should be expecting - except that we'll all constantly fail to be really other-people centered. If you keep that expectation in mind, disappointment will come a lot less, and if you see that factor from other peoples' points of view, you'll also see why we have to be so Christ-centered and other-people centered - to fulfill God's word in that we hurt others less, and we strive to be a good testimony for Him.
Again, this is my personal opinion, so please do post your feelings and correct me - preferably from the word - if you think I'm wrong.
An important addendum.
The love from Christ and God is definitely undeserved - but that should not be confused with a lack of expectation. None of us deserve God's great gift to us.
If we know Christ, and we know His grace towards us, then we should also expect nothing in return for the things that we do as Christians. That is, we should then expect nothing in return for what we do in this world from those that we interact or do things for. Contradiction to the above? Not really.
We do expect for example, provision of our daily needs. In fact, we expect it too little - we don't even trust that God provides what we need. However, when we do things for others, out of our love modelled on Christ's love, we shouldn't expect :
1. a response
2. immediate acceptance
3. good words...
The list goes on. In essence, my understanding of the issue of expectation in love is that we should lower our expectations for others to a realistic level - with the issue of what is a realistic level being the true question. This is really an issue for people concerned with ministry, especially if they tax themselves with how many people they convert or how others receive their teaching. This also would be a serious issue for husbands and wives.
The debate continues.
From the Straits Times - 'Most people are in favour' of women becoming bishops
Alternative location
Have a read and comment away.
News in Singapore:
From the Straits Times - Judge slams custody case woman for nasty bombshell
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I can't read and help but feel so bad for the children.
Excerpt:
'I formed these views after reminding myself that in matrimonial matters, nobility, honesty, love and all the virtues that one can imagine, are often lost to that one simple vice - selfishness.'
There had been 'no pressing need' to reveal that he was not the natural father. Yet, even after that, he had proven a good father who did not care to do any DNA tests.
'He stated that he had loved them from birth and continues to do so,' the judge said.
'The disclosure by the wife had wrecked the girls psychologically... It was, in my view, a nasty way to get custody.'
A very dangerous article just appeared in the Straits Times today as another salvo is fired in the gender wars yet again.
From the Straits Times - Where would Harvard be without a woman?
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Firstly, without even coming out to say it, the writer has already established her stand in using emotionally biased words such as "charismatic radical" and comparing the current Harvard president with a well-known example of a person that refused a woman any chance of debating gospel issues (which as we now know is wrong - debating or questioning or discussing is a world apart from teaching or attempting to teach). This leads the reader to reach his/her own assumption - though the writer has already made it very clear what you should then assume!
We know that the church and laymen who believed certain things about the gospel made some mistakes in the past, such as extending the issues on teaching the gospel to education in general. However, to create a link as the writer has done between that mistake and drawing a parallel to the present University head is pretty unfair in my opinion! Rather point out what is wrong with Mr. Summer's viewpoint, than draw a parallel like that. This is a case of "if the kettle is black, look at the pot". I guess I just don't like emotional manipulation - please look at pure facts about each and every action in itself, rather than use some history to dredge up a relation and say it's the same thing. We'd be in real danger of still hating the British right now for their actions in China, as well as disapproving of all Christians because of the Crusades...
Shameful way of handling news, I think.
Actually, this entry was supposed to say something like "Just went to MM, how inspirational, etc, etc". (MM stands for Ministry Matters)
Not that that's not true. In fact, what happened this morning served to highlight it even more.
MM was wonderfully wonderful. If that's a superlative superlative, well, that's because it IS true. My summary of it to Pastor B.Y. was "It's encouraging and discouraging". He was taken aback, naturally. I mean, as a pastor that's not the kind of thing you'd expect to hear from most people. I think that's one of the few times I saw his sunny smile vanish into a very concerned look. One of the few things I love about him - he wears his emotions on his face, and he's really earnest.
That aside, encouragement sprang from the knowledge and re-affirmation that we hadn't gotten our picture of full time ministry wrong. But having someone really highlight to you that the road ahead is long and ardous, and really having your fears confirmed also serves to discourage. Thank God that wife and me aren't thinking of full time Word/gospel ministry for any other reason than that He showered us with so much grace that we feel compelled to share that grace with others. And with great urgency as we come to know Him more and more, and realise just how far we've all fallen from Him.
What happened this morning only served to increase the urgency. I was having breakfast at my regular breakfast haunt near my office when a 40 odd year old lady asked me if the seats facing me were occupied. Naturally I invited her to take a seat, wondering if this would lead to anything. (The way God has worked in my life, anything goes!) As it turned out, a remark from her to the kopi uncle about everyone shutting shop already was the spark.
I didn't discuss the gospel with her - I'm not of the "GOD IS GREAT! YOU MUST KNOW HIM!" on the first meet variety. We conversed in cantonese, and she revealed that she would be having a lonely CNY this year. Her daughters and their husbands were all overseas, and you could almost feel the loneliness radiating off her as she shared her suspicion that her daughter was probably arranging to emigrate to America. I was tempted to invite her over for CNY, but when the home isn't yours, you don't have a right to do that kind of thing. She seemed to be content though, when she noted that they were "successful", earning a lot. Just that they were very stressed, and she noted that they travelled a lot on holiday just to get away from things.
In my discussion with her, I was just a little frustrated. How do you open to the word of God? Tell her that "No, that's not what life is about"? I'm sure I would have been able to say that - but she doesn't understand English, and I'm not conversant in Cantonese! Not only that - her daughter and son-in-law (just remembered the term) were obviously in the rat race, running the treadmill for all it was worth. The urgency to spread the word is here, and now, and always.
Even before we look beyond our own shores, so many people are already misled as to life and its purpose within Singapore itself. Singapore in its predominantly Confucius (or Confusion) outlook is a hotbed of materialism with a focus on results as a measure of success. Not that this doesn't exist in other places in the world, but Singapore is uniquely situated for this problem in its central location of an area with a mishmash of religions. The melting pot culture that Singapore is so proud of is exactly how we face the issues of Buddhism in its various forms, Taoism and its indulgence with spirits and deities, Islam in its moderate form (and what the authorities allege and I do believe its hidden extreme form), and various flavours of Christianity. Established religion aside, the religions of money, power, degrees, careers, "face" - that's pride in the sense of how I look in front of my relatives - all these exist in various forms, and are strongly entrenched in Singaporean culture. Not to mention the other lesser known religions. I remember watching the tsunami memorial event on TV and my dad-in-law asking me "What religion is THIS one?? THIS one?? THIS one??" In such an environment, how can you avoid being confused? How can you really reach one conclusion and one conclusion only?
If you're reading this blog, chances are you are a Christian already. But this holds true for both Christians and non-Christians - left to ourselves, and left to our own devices, we each will have our own conclusion and our own way of reaching it. However, the God that created the heavens and earth left His word for us to have a common ground on which we can know what He intended for this world. This word isn't open to interpretation - God had it written a certain way, and you can't just decide what you want to know from it. You have to accept the Bible as a whole, or reject the Bible in its entirety. This holds true even though we live in a pluralistic society, with so many modernist thoughts about subjectivity and respect for other views.
On that issue, suppose I give you these statements:
"I always tell the truth. All dogs are blue."
Obviously either you accept the first statement and then accept that dogs are blue, or you reject the second statement which nullifies the first by definition. The Bible has such a statement in 2 Tim 3:16 :
All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness
This then means that either you take "All Scripture" in its entirety, or you reject all scripture in its entirety. This includes the gospel news, the character of God, the idea of holiness for Christians, and the authority of scripture in our lives. It's also noteworthy that Christ established himself entirely from scripture, fulfilling prophecy and keeping to the laws as they were meant to be kept. Proof of this can be found in His miracles and how He showed his powers progressively (progressive revelation). Further exposition on this would result in another essay.
We cannot choose to accept point A about the Bible and not point B. Thus, we know the need to be holy for His name's sake and to serve Christ's body (the church) for His purposes, and to edify and encourage one another in His body. This in turn means that we have to take the message of the Bible in the context of the Bible and not choose to take certain comments out to suit our needs.
Again, God isn't the God whom we want Him to be. God is who He is, as mentioned in the Bible: "God said to Moses, "I AM WHO I AM." And he said, "Say this to the people of Israel, 'I AM has sent me to you.'" A god that can be manipulated and give us our wants simply because we want him to is no better than any other deity or spirit.
Which brings me to another point: Paul in most of the epistles exhorts us to "put off the old self" and "put on the new". (Eph 4:24, Col 3:10) Rephrase that and U realise that Christians are meant to be different from the rest. In Ephesus, and Colossi, this effectively was the "old way of life" - that of the cultures and traditions they were used to as pagan Gentiles. This has 2 implications.
Over the next few days and weeks, I shall be attempting to consolidate what I learnt from MM here, and hopefully comments and discussions can then spring forth. The urgency is there to spread the word, but even as we consider our duty in doing so, we need to note that we have to be salt and lights - which means we have to do what we talk about before we should talk about it.
On that note, read this article and let's decry the general state of marriages in the world right now...
From the Straits Times - Yes, I do... (have a secret bank account)
Alternative location
And here's an article that fires another salvo in the gender wars:
From the Straits Times - Are women wired for science?
Alternative location
From the last article please note that my stand is that women are definitely more than capable in the science field, and "biological" reasons should not affect their success in such areas. That being said, if this gets in the way of their Christian duties (such as being a mother), it becomes an issue. I placed this article in as an example of flawed research/reasoning (read carefully before you decide), as well as to point out that while women aren't allowed by the Word to do certain things, they are equal to men in other areas such as maths and childbearing. Andy Ho astutely brings in the issue of race in a one-liner (not to back up his points... uh...) but he IS right in his statement. As Christians, let's not be sexist for the sake of being sexist - recognise the different roles of man and woman, but don't discount women because they seem to be doing what we see as more domestic.
After all, our mothers are women too. (And took care of US - oh the indignity!)
Update : Marriage issues aren't common only in Singapore, in case you thought so.
From the Straits Times - Korean men look abroad for wives
Alternate location
Ouch. Read the comment about cosmetics in this article.
Lately, quite a number of people around me have been looking for jobs, searching for new opportunities, etc... These are brothers and sisters in Christ, so it did disturb me just a little bit that everyone noted that they wanted to "follow God's will (for their lives)". They were looking for God's "direction" as to what to do, and were more than a little confused about "where (they) were headed".
The terms in brackets are there to place their comments in context. :)
Having had this struggle very recently in my own life, I shall attempt to share what I believe and know from my personal experiences, as well as reading from the word of God. I shall also introduce this book:
Anything that you see here is in my own words. Please, if any of you should have any comments, just feel free to shoot and correct me or choose to disagree.
Let us start off by looking at Eph 1:3 - 14. Please do click on the link to open up the bible passage to take a read for yourself. To summarize this passage, the "purpose of (God's) will" is that we were chosen in order to "be for the praise of his glory". Without taking it out of context, this passage refers to the fact that God's will for us is for us to be chosen. To what purpose? For the praise of His glory.
I'm not very well versed in the Bible, and thus, may not be able to bring up other verses that would relate to this. However, no other verse I know of does speak of God actually pointing out that we have to go a certain route to fulfill His will for us. This popular misconception has led to the following questions:
And so on.
Naturally, this stand works against God and Christ. This presupposes that Man can thwart God's will. But does that align with the God of the Jews who used man to fulfill His purposes? Does this align with the God that sent Jesus Christ as a sacrifice because He knew that there's no other way that man can pay enough for our sins to stand before Him? I doubt it.
This then begs the question Doesn't God have a perfect plan for me? Yes He does! But it may not be what we think. Let's look at how Paul defines perfection in Phillipians 3. In this chapter, he refers to being perfect as "know(ing) Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead."
Our idea of perfection in this world is getting more accolades, learning a new skill, becoming more marketable. Paul in Christ takes perfection as knowing Christ, being like Christ, understanding who Christ is. Who is right?
On trial here is the issue of perception. Is God the God of our dreams, or the God of the Bible? Countless discussions have erupted over things such as "Why does God allow evil in this world" and "Who does God think He is?" The issue is clearly resolved when we realise that the God of the Bible is not the God of our common perception.
God is loving - therefore He does not punish. God is merciful - therefore we can keep sinning without bothering. God is great - therefore we shall get more wealth. God is faithful - therefore we can depend on Him to heal us, even if we don't take medicine. Such misguided ideas and taking God as we want to take Him has led to shipwrecked faiths and pain. We only want to take God for who we think He is - not who He really is. We forget that God is also just - He shall punish the wicked for their sins. And who is not a sinner before Him? Even the chosen are - but just that our sins are forgiven through Jesus. We forget that God never promised He would save everyone in this world. There will be some condemned, even those who pretend to call on the name of Jesus. Just to illustrate how the God of our perception is very different from who God really is.
The book I mentioned earlier has a much clearer picture on all this, and gives some clear guidance on what God's "voice" has to do with our lives. Summary - the Bible is God's sole authority in our lives, and while visions and dreams and "voices" are ways God may reach out to us, there's only one promised way - and that's the way we came to know of the gospel. Through the Bible and the good news contained within, as well as the lessons that we can learn on how to lead lives worthy of God's children, and appropriate to saved ones.
God's will for us is to be chosen for the praise of His glory. In response to His saving grace, we should lead lives that are pleasing to Him as an offering to Him. The choices we make should then reflect how we think of others, how we put others first, rather than ourselves, how we can glorify His name and praise Him in all that we do. Rather than aim to be more marketable, or learn new skills, or justify a new job by saying that "it's God's way of putting me into a new place to be His light". That is my personal belief, though I wish I could learn how to support it better from the word of God, His promised authority in our lives.
I can't.
This statement ruled my life for some time - even now, the vestiges still cling on strongly. I get impatient easily, especially when I set standards highly for someone (like my own wife) and the standards fail to be met. What I always fail to remember is that if I then looked at God and if He had been impatient...
Who can meet His standards?
Second thing to note to self - without God, without Christ, without grace, without mercy, I'd just be another fool running like a hamster in a treadmill for paper money and concrete bricks that form a shelter. With all these, I have been made so much richer - how can I then still say "I can't stand fools"?
For I was a fool once.
A letter appeared in the ST Forum in response to this article. For the sake of completeness, I have posted the reply here.
It's worthy to note that we can get our morals and ethics right, but without understanding why we have to be other-people centered, we still get things wrong. One example is giving way to elders - who can properly explain that the right thing to do is to give way out of respect, if in the first place, we have no benchmark for respect, or how we should treat our elders and others? Morals and ethics have their place, but they should be built on top of the living grace that God has given us - that morals and ethics become our response to Christ, as part of our loving testimony after acknowledging the grace and mercy poured out by Christ.
Spreading the gospel therefore is doubly important - that we don't get caught up in doing good works, or becoming too comfortable in being "moral" or "ethical" that we fail to see the point in what we do. Let's not be "Pharasaic" about our actions - including donating to the tsunami. The next person who talks to me about how much they gave to the rescue efforts earns a place in my prayer list. Doing good works, or trying to be a nice person doesn't do much for your eternal salvation, or really help those who have not heard the gospel to know Christ. It may pique their interest - but without active promotion of the gospel (simple things such as thanking God all the time), the most important thing isn't done. Our DG leader pointed out quite correctly - any "god" can fulfill your "needs" (including healing), but Jesus never put needs above his ministry of teaching and preaching the good news.
Slow news days - no major articles to bring to attention so far.
Wife's fallen sick with the flu bug though... so praying she'll recover soon. She's already on the road to recovery - but we're both starting up with coughs. Urgh! That time of the year...
Our DG has decided to have the following moves forward:
1. A birthday coordinator. By commemorating each others' birthdays, we keep each other encouraged to come for DG as well as show our love for one another (cake in the face!)
2. A treasurer. We gather for the love of God, but we still do need money in order to pay for things like cakes. As such, getting each other to pay a small sum each is better than expecting one person to pay all the time, and will remove any worries about money becoming an issue. The idea that we will have an ADGM to make sure the budget is well prepared was taken aboard - and by the grace of God, we shall decide to throw it out some time soon. :D
3. Prayer list by email. This isn't fully concrete yet, but the idea I understand was to get an email prayer list out every week, with someone to compile and then assign prayer requests. The whole DG would get the list to see what's going on, with specific requests actually assigned for accountability and for action.
We also made the commitment to be more warm and welcoming out of a love for our brothers and sisters starting from walking into church with smiles (whether serving or not), and greeting those around us. This move is personally significant to me because I myself feel really out of my comfort zone when "forced" to say hi to others. Yet, the Friendship Break (I like to call it "Friendship and then Break") is something that can get a little... dry. Thus, moving out of my way to say hi to others should be a good challenge, and who knows - the next person we say hi to could be a non-believer, or a visitor needing the loo!
I think this is a good start to the year - not the plans, but the simple premise that we have made decisions outside of Bible study ideas. By getting involved in the DG directly and being accountable, it gives us a good start and idea as to what ministry can be like, and prepares us for the bigger shift ahead when we step even further out to help out with the yellow ribbon project and the Swiss OMF.
Note to self - look for Miriam and Jeff to see whether we can get any prayer requests or lists.
By the way, the title is reminiscent of a certain Terry Pratchett book. If you know which one, get in touch with me, you fan of that man who wrote such funny books.
While our DG has decided to shut down the blog, some other new initiatives have come up that promise to make the DG really fun, encouraging, and spur us on to try to be Godly in everything that we do, improving our fellowship, our accountability and our love for others.
Buuttt it's 1 am. Time to sleep.
After some thought(about a minute or two) I've decided to include a new category for this blog called ...
Confessions!! (Too bad they don't think the blink feature in HTML is good... it'd be very effective here.)
No frankly... I think it'd be good to list down my sins or things that my conscience nags at me about under this. MAYBE I'll keep it private (yes there's that option - b2evo ROCKS) but maybe I'll release it so that everyone can realise how sinful I really am, including my wife. Plus help me to pray? Please? With sugar and whipped cream and everything nice on top?
Posted by a brother in Christ. I think it totally sums up the issue about being judgmental vs being discerning about false teachers.
My personal take is that being judgmental is very easy when it comes to something that you probably would commit yourself. (Such as "That guy's temper is so bad!") Whereas God's word is open to all to see and learn from - and the callous way in which some people just prefer to use that for their own purposes is soooo... SOOOO... ARGH!!!
*Speechless*
Go read the article. It's found here
Long weekend over, and a few thoughts to share - though not to do with what I did over the weekend. It was a great weekend overall, with lots of family time. But...
Hey why DID I start this with "Long weekend over"...?!
Argh. On with the actual words.
1. Wife and I are presently helping out with children's ministry. As it was, we ran into a friend of ours who noted that "It's Saturday and Sunday! It's so warm! Why are you guys wearing longs??"
Reply in stock : "We're serving ministry".
Reply to stock reply : "Oh I see... Cos we wear so formal to work every day of the week... must dress down and keep cool in this weather. Don't have to wear until like that mah!"
This incident didn't strike me till incident 2: Pastor Ronnie speaks.
Well, I fell asleep through the sermon but caught most of it surprisingly. Nothing much to add to P. Ronnie's words, except agree. The final part of his sermon struck home - the part about how some of us have double identities. How some are so caught up in work, etc, and yet seem to be good Christians on the exterior.
I don't think I should add to that. But it brought to mind how we often do have double standards anyway - we dress up for work in our long-sleeved shirts and pants, we put on ties to impress customers, and we believe in "clothes make the man". Yet when it comes to dressing up to be with God's people, or meet God, we instead decide to dress down, to take the chance to relax and just suit ourselves.
I'm not proposing that everyone dress up well to come to church, especially if you're not serving on that day or session. However, the mindset that we can put God second to work requirements where even dressing is concerned is a little worth thinking about. If we dress for comfort, while putting God's kingdom in mind, I think that's fine - such as wearing loose clothing without a tie so that we can focus on the message, not on the uncomfortable tie. (Wife and me wore jeans to serve the children's ministry so that kids can cry on our laps - just in case) However, the mindset to put God second best in terms of:
- dressing
- family budget (offering)
- time (church, or meet frens? DG or meet frens?)
etc
is indeed worrying. And husbands should take note - it IS part of your God-mandated duty to be as loving to your wife as possible. Equal, in fact to how you would love your own body, or how Christ would love His church. Thus, giving time out for your wife is also part of your giving to God.
Note to self and wife: Don't dress down even if we're not serving just because we can. Put God first.
Very difficult task.
Ms Chua of the Straits Times wrote in the paper on the 16th of January after the tsunami incident an article titled "Where was God when the tsunamis hit?".
Her article can also be found here.
Andy Ho (Mr Ho just doesn't cut it) replied on the 22nd with this article. Can also be found here.
My thoughts - Ms Chua has a good grasp of the reality of a Creator but has a problem placing God above Man. Perhaps one of God's "mistakes" was to actually let man have free will? It's risen to our heads after all - so much so that we think that we CAN have control over our lives and ourselves!
Noteworthy is that a great number of Christians DO make this mistake - thinking that God is our God simply because God is who we make Him out to be. The Bible says otherwise - that God is not a God who changes, and that God has an unchanging character that is not up to US to decide. He has demonstrated love, grace and mercy (He chose some to be saved - and gave us free will!). What a lot of people choose to ignore, is that God is just, and cannot go against the rules that He himself has set. And that means that God cannot just say "I didn't make this rule!" and set things right.
And that rule is that when we sinned, God could no longer live with us - and if we were to try, we would burn before God's holiness because of our sinfulness. Therefore, we had to put that sin right. Israel was given a whole list of commands to follow for that reason - and failed again and again. Therefore, God did what He promised through Isaiah - He sent a Messiah to save us from our sins.
Jesus therefore came. He was tempted and proved sinless, He was born of a virgin, his genealogy can be traced back to Adam and King David. And He had to die on the cross as a blood offering to God to fulfill what God set out as a condition for us to be reconciled to Him.
Mr Ho's reply was good! Philosophy aside, his reply both appealed to logic and faith in God and demonstrated a clear understanding of who God is. No mention was made of the Bible, but that's understandable of an article that appears on national papers.
God bless us all, and thank God for the Messiah who rescued us all.
Oh, by the way, good works then become a response to God's mercy, placing the spreading of His kingdom above even good works. Thus, good works in themselves are nothing without God - just as man can try all he wants, but will never reach God's kingdom without knowing Christ.
The blog for my DG will be shut down effectively...now. Sigh. Pretty sad, but I don't believe in setting up something like this just for the sake of setting it up.
However, will be moving some of the articles that I mentioned over here... just as a repository, and for interest.
The adult meeting was interesting encouraging and challenging. The following are merely my speculation of how people react to the meeting. These speculations can be very wrong. But to me, I think these speculations make sense.
It is my guess that many people got a culture shock realizing for the first time what kind of commitment they are getting themselves into. These commitments are not merely the commitment of ARPC community but in fact the commitment of all Christians being aware of the growth of the body of Christ in space and time and participating actively in it. For many people, the idea of “keeping one another accountable” and “the unity we have in Christ” and basically was taken up to a higher level.
I’d also guess that large number of people would think that what ever was being said was not meant for them but for other people in Church who has less commitment everywhere else in their lives or simply have too much time in their hand. They feel that it is not their calling to do such things. After all, going to Church twice a week, for the service and discipleship group has taken up enough of their time. It would be impractical for them to spend more time to visit other Churches.
Also there might be other people who were there just for the fellowship and the plata.
I didn’t write this post to give my verdict on people or to judge people but I wrote the post as a call for reflection. Pastor Chris made one passing remark, which I guess, sums up the attitudes of many Church goers all over the world. We do not gather week after week only to hear about Jesus, thinking how wonderful the bible stories are and feeling God’s love for us. These, in themselves, have nothing wrong. But over and on top of it, Jesus Christ, the Holy Spirit and God’s love should trigger us to go out to fight the battle for truth to be made known among non-believers as well as confused Christians.
Having said that, by no means I’m saying we should all give up on our vocations and ignore family and friends. It is a fact that each of us has our own responsibilities in our own separate walks of lives. But it does mean that as we plan our lives to meet the requirement for fulfilling our responsibilities towards our family, friends and work, we cannot neglect our responsibilities towards the well being of the body of Christ. And if you think about it, it makes no sense be more committed towards family, friends and work than towards the body of Christ. I think the Church deserve at least the same amount of our attention as everything else if live, if not more. This can only make sense if we truly understand what is eternal and what is not. A caring friend would advice a depressed female friend not to commit in a relationship that sees not future. A smart business would not make any investment that he know will gain no profit. Of course our responsibilities towards our family, friends and work is also part of our Godly living. That statement in itself is very true. But from my observation, this has become an excuse, be it consciously or sub-consciously, for people to escape from their responsibility towards the Church of our living God.
Let us continue to encourage one another to fight the good fight for Christ in love and patience.
A writer to the Straits Times Forum expounded the value of independence over family.
An excerpt:
To think critically, one has to think independently, a characteristic of people in most developed countries. To think independently, one must view oneself and others as autonomous individuals, respect alternative points of view and resist a 'herd mentality'.
However, respect for personal autonomy is not practised in Singapore society, which sees the family, not the individual, as the most basic unit. People find it hard to think independently because they accept what comes from the top.
Wow. I never knew that being part of a family definitely means that you have to tow the line. I do admit that most Chinese cultured families end up focussing on the "me older, me right, you shaddup" line, but well, that's tarring the whole Chinese culture with a brush.
Nonetheless, to deny families does NOT mean that you will therefore not have a "herd mentality". I mean, think about fashion, or pubbing. Also, thinking independently isn't a characteristic of most developed countries. It's a characteristic of all mankind. It's just whether it's creative or not.
One suspects - a little - that the writer, being a Chinese, must have chafed under such an environment. I know I personally did... My dad still laments the time when he would speak and I would only obey.
However, the Bible speaks of relationships as being more important than anything else. Paul's epistles are full of the importance of how to relate to others as born again people of God. This extends to parents and children, husbands and wives, slaves and owners, authorities and citizens. That the writer can actually insist on the breakdown of families as the nuclei of the nation is really misguided. Thank God that Singapore still admits that family is more important.
It's a good reminder that the world can, and will get things wrong in their effort to save themselves, and reject God. Let's not get caught up in that.
An article by Pastor Chris published in last night's service bulletin. In case you missed it.
Barely a week ago, I wrote in our Christmas bulletin about the bigness of God as seen in creation and in Christ. Now many are wondering - not just about the bigness of God - but the badness of God.
The world has just witnessed the latest display of the force of nature with the Asian tsunami disaster. We did not need to have an outing to sea to be awed. The sea came crashing down on us for us to be overawed with reality. Why reality?
Oftentime, we need to be reeled back into reality by disaster and personal suffering. Who gives a thought about the reality of God, life and death during boom times. Who really gives a thought about God and reality when we are sunning ourselves on beaches, shopping ourselves till we drop dead and eating ourselves silly?
No questions asked, no answers needed. This is the goodness of our God=forsaken life.
Now in doom times, we are confronted with many realities, confused by multiple inevitabilities. There are some things, if not someone, bigger than us. We are not in charge. Life is not what we make it to be. Life is fragile. Life changes in a moment.
Death may be postponed but it cannot be avoided. Death is no respector of race, class, gender, age. Rich foreign tourists die as vulnerably as poor local fishermen.
As I write, the death toll has escalated past 80,000. Epidemics are bound for an outbreak. Millions are homeless from Sri Lanka to Aceh. The biggest rescue effort in 50 years is on the way.
Many questions asked, many answers needed. This is the reality of our God-forsaken life. Three clear answers spring out from the Bible.
Firstly, natural disasters are part of our sinful or fallen world. When we sinned against God in creation, we lost control of ourselves and of our world (Genesis 3). God intended us to rule UNDER His rule. God intended us to have control of the world under His control. God always intended for THEO-cracy (God-rule), not democracy (self-rule).
Secondly, natural disasters and personal calamities do not necessary earmark the victims as more sinful nor benchmark us as more deserving of judgement. They are a warning for ALL to hear God's Word and rightly respond to Him in repentance (Luke 13:1-5).
Finally, the resounding message of the Bible is this: It is not always possible to know but it is always possible to obey. There is a knowledge that is outside our creaturely domain - so aptly captured in the book of Job.
It is the way of the fool to usurp God's place. Obedience to God's Word and way has, however, always been an expected part of our human response. It is the way of the wise, so painfully captured on the lips of Jesus: "My God, my God - why have you forsaken me?"
Our year end dinner declares these three realities. How?
People who believe in Christ Jesus as Lord declares:
* We have sinned against God and belong to a fallen humanity.
* We, as God's people, are as vulnerable to the world's suffering.
* We cannot know all but we can rightly respond by trusting in Jesus Christ as God's biggest rescue plan in all eternity. This rescue plan is not just from temporal suffering but more so from eternal separation from God.
So, friends and members alike, we invite YOU to join us in our services, groups and meetings. Come listen to God's Word and rightly respond to Jesus Christ. God is not big and bad. God is big and good - as seen supremely in Jesus. Amen.
At least someone is.
If the link is dead, click here.
Amazing... we've ended up bemoaning the death of Santa as the true bringer of Christmas. On the one hand, the author admits that Christmas has become too commercialized - and then goes ahead to say that's good.
Excerpt:
This is indeed the Christmas spirit of being more
ready to give than to receive and of helping the
poor and underprivileged.Commercialisation of Christmas also helps to increase
sales spending and boost trade. Thus, it should not
be viewed as 'corrupting' the true meaning of Christmas.The original meaning of Christmas need not be
compromised. During the Christmas celebrations,
churches should continue to remind Christians to
rejoice, to thank God and to find greater meaning
in their lives.After all, will Christmas be complete without Santa?
I doubt so.
Christ, oh Lord and Saviour... forgive her for she knows not what she speaks of. For if someone can think that Christmas isn't complete without Santa, he/she probably hasn't experienced our Lord Christ yet.
True, many people would rush in here to say "But Christmas started off as Christ Mass, a way to draw the pagans away from their festivities during this period, so that they could celebrate Christ as well as still indulge in their pagan activities!" As to when Saint Nick came into the picture, I seriously have no idea.
So WHAT is the true meaning of Christmas? My personal take is to use the festival as a chance to bring across that very person after which the festival was named. Perhaps it started out as a compromise to help pagans still worship God amidst their own heretical ways. But my take is that since we have such a great chance to spread the good news, why shouldn't we?
2 articles in the Straits Times caught my attention on Saturday. The first is rather positive.
The link is here: Link to ST article.
Do note that you need a Straits Times free account in order to view the story online. Failing that, you can get the story from here.
A Charlie Brown Christmas - Reproduced without permission from the ST dated 25th Dec 2004.
That the Straits Times was willing to publish such an overtly Christian message was very uplifting. Maybe there's some hope for us after all!
Excerpt from article:
"What, generally, were 'tidings of great joy'? Occasions such
as finding out that someone did well in examinations, got a
promotion, won a lottery, or was expecting a child, came to
mind. How then was the message of the Christmas angels different?It seems Christians believe that Christmas joy is not transient.
Unlike the diminishing returns from particular projects, or
happiness that is tied to certain circumstances, the angels'
message offered a lasting type of joy.We now have a 'saviour', Christians say. But save us from what?
From ourselves, was how one friend put it. Funny but sharp.
There are things we don't like about ourselves, bad stuff
we've done that we seem to need forgiveness for, and other
things that entangle us which we regret. Christian or not,
these come to the fore at a time of New Year resolutions."
What a friend we have in Jesus
All our sins and griefs to bear
What a privilege to carry
Everything to God in prayer
O what peace we often forfeit
O what needless pain we bear
All because we do not carry
Everything to God in prayer
Have we trials and temptations?
Is there trouble anywhere
We should never be discouraged
Take it to the Lord in prayer
Can we find a friend so faithful
Who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness
Take it to the Lord in prayer
Are we weak and heavy laden,
Cumbered with a load of care?
Precious Savior, still our refuge
Take it to the Lord in prayer
Do thy friends despise, forsake thee?
Take it to the Lord in prayer
In His arms He'll take and shield thee
Thou wilt find a solace there.
Salvation belongs to our God
who sits upon the throne
And unto the Lamb
Chorus:
Praise and glory, wisdom and thanks,
honor and power and strength.
Be to our God forever and ever
Be to our God forever and ever
Be to our God fo
